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Dealing with the exWife... vent.
So normally D's exW, "S" has the kids the week before Xmas, then D gets them the week after Xmas. For the past couple of years, he packs them up in the car early the day after Xmas and takes them to Florida for the week so he can spend time with away from the drama.
This year he has invited me to join him after oking it with the kids. They're excited to have me there and I will only be going down from the 30th - 1st so he can have his time with them. D is very excited that I'm coming down but he told me today that S has decided that she might come down too. D has rented a house for the week and S owns a condo down there so she wouldn't be staying at the house.
I'm irritated to say the least... I was hoping to spend some more time with the kids and get to know them better without the drama. I know what she's up to... she wants D to get angry and tell her she can't come down so she can start to pit the kids against him, saying he doesn't want her to see them. I think she's also hoping to piss me off and put D in a position where he has to "pick". Well, I am irritated and it did get the better of me for awhile and I bitched to D about it.
But I've thought about it and I called D back and told him that I didn't want to be a part of any drama and if she plans to come down so she can spend time with the kids, then I'd prefer to stay home. As the mother, she trumps me and I'm fine with it. I'm just not interested in participating in the drama and I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of seeing me sweat. She can "win" every time if situations like this continue to pop up. It sucks that D is inadvertently put in the middle and it's something I'm going to have to keep an eye to see if I really want to deal with this... D has told me to hang tight and she will probably change her mind. She probably just threw it out there to see if she could stir the pot and get a reaction out of him.
Anyway, just wanted to vent a bit... if any mothers have any more thoughts/advice, they would be greatly appreciated!
Re: Dealing with the exWife... vent.
I don't know your back story, but wanted to say, as a mom who's bound to deal with new people in my son's life, and as a former step-mom, please try your best to be civil and polite and avoid adding to the drama. The best thing you can do for the kids is to be respectful of their mom, even if she's bsc! If you are in the kids lives for long term, really try to a part of the team of people who love them.
Stepping off my soap box and hope things go smoothly over the holidays!
Agreed. Sorry OP, that really sucks. But if you know she is doing it to start drama, you are doing the right thing by not getting involved! And yes, maybe she will change her mind, the holiday is still a few weeks away.
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Thanks guys... I really do appreciate the mom's perspective. I do have the kids' best interests at heart and D knows that. He and I both very much bound to keep things drama free and his goal is to do what's best for the kids and protect me as much as he can from the drama. I will always be respectful and civil to her, I have no reason to hate her, just no interest in getting to know her at this point in time. It's beneath to be a part of the drama and start fighting over like two cat's in heat!
He even said he would dump me if I started acting like that!
We actually had a good talk this morning and he really thinks she won't come down. He's willing to explain more of their relationship and how he handles that dynamic that way I can understand why he does what he does and back him up.
Since you're only going for a few days, could you try to plan things that might keep you from running into her if she does come down?
I agree with this. Does D get to barge in on her time with the kids? Most likely not. She shouldn't get to barge in on his time with the kids either regardless of if she has a condo a mile away or next door.
If D doesn't step up and set boundaries where they should be set, his ex-wife will continue to interfere. I wouldn't be willing to put up with that.
agree