Family Matters
CurlyQ284
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Should I MMOB?
I think MYOB is the best course of action for you. But your brother would benefit from some good information disclosed in a way that doesn't make his defensive or a hostile jerk. So, I guess that's the quandry.
So, what would a psychiatrist/psychologist do, specifically DO to make his life better? And is that something realistic for him? Does he need the intervention? Do you know, exactly, what you are recommending him to do - is this about medication, behavior modification, counselling, or something else?
Anyway, if he's such a "classic" type, how has this gone undetected for so long? Especially something widely over-diagnoses like ADHD. This has never come-up before? Really, nothing? Not a hint? And if so, what was the follow-up/blow-back?
Bottom line - I guess there is no rush. He's been like this into adulthood without intervention. You have time to disclose/discuss his treatment options. People tend to be more open to change/intervention when they need it, so perhaps you can hold this until he needs it.
Do you guys have the kind of relationship where you could just casually mention it in passing (I was just reading about ADHD and it sounded a lot like you--have you ever thought about that?).
I don't see why he would get angry or defensive about a casual mention such as that, but of course I don't know your brother. The trick is to not pursue it--plant the seed and that's it.
My H was just diagnosed with ADHD this year and the medication has made a world of difference to him.
We are really close but it really depends on his mood. Sometimes, he flips out if you even sound like you MIGHT be saying he did something wrong. It really depends on the day and I don't see him one on one very often anymore.
ETA: now that I think about it, if I say it just like how you said it that might work. I don't want to get into "I noticed you do X, Y, and Z which seems kind of like ADHD" because then it'll sound like X,Y, and Z are things that are "wrong" with him, which would be the type of thing to put him on the defense.
SIL and I get along and we talk a lot, however I learned early on not to talk to her about my brother. She hangs onto it until she can use it against him in a fight, they get in a fight, and afterward bro calls saying he heard I said x,y,z and what do I mean by that and it's been twisted to fit her agenda in the argument. So when she complains about him I just nod and keep my mouth shut. I absolutely cannot go through SIL, unfortunately.
My DH was diagnosed as an adult, trialed a bunch of meds, and chose not to take them on a regular basis. He learned to "manage" it himself. I use "manage" in quotes, bc obviously he isnt perfect at managing it, especially under certain circumstances (inattentive/concentration issues at work).
With respect to your bro, I would probably bring it up casually, and see how he responds. In fact, maybe you could mention to him that you thing your dad has it- list off the qualities your dad has (that your bro happens to have too). See what he says. Maybe he will be open to a convo, maybe not, but at least you will have planted a bug in his ear.