Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Nothing like a good fight with the ex...
To remind me just how rotten he is! Via text, I was trying to get information about our dental insurance (my 1 year old has an appt tomorrow, which is free, but I need to fill out the paperwork for the insurance anyway). We haven't been to the dentist since starting this new insurance, and I needed to know the policy info so I could submit our paperwork online tonight. Can you believe he wouldn't give it to me? He said he suspected I needed it for a meeting with my attorney and he wasn't going to interrupt his free time in order to find it for me. He said I could wait until he got to work tomorrow...except he's 2 timezones away and by the time he gets to work, I'll already be at the dentist with DS. Also, who the eff needs dental insurance information for a meeting with their divorce attorney? So I called to try to explain to him, like a sane person, why I needed the information. He told me he'd only get it for me if I put this down in the "good" column as I'm building a case against him. There's plenty in the "bad" column already, if we are keeping score.
He's supposed to be coming for visitation next weekend through the following week to see the kids and deliver the rest of our stuff from where he's been living (we lived there with him over the summer). He's been planning to stay here while he's in town. Here at my house - the house he told me he hated and never wanted to live in again...with me, the woman he hates and never wants to live with again. I told him I thought it would be best for all of us if he'd just get a hotel room while he's in town, so he then proceeded to tell me that if I don't let him stay here he'll just stop paying the mortgage payments. Nice. What a peach.
Oh, and he said he figures my endgame is to get him to terminate his parental rights and if that's what I want, then give him a lump sum figure of how much $$ I want and we can negotiate. Um WHAT? He's asking me how much it's going to take to buy himself out of parenthood? I swear he's off his rocker.
Love this guy! I'm not second guessing why I spent the last decade with him AT ALL. What a winner!
Re: Nothing like a good fight with the ex...
Sounds like someone is playing the victim card and acting like a man child. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this immaturity.
I think you should continue to push for the hotel next weekend. Nothing good can come of you two being in the same household if you fight like this two timezones apart. Do you have a CO stating who is to pay the mortgage, insurance, etc. while the divorce is pending?
Do yo uknow the name of the Dental Insurance?? I know for the last couple I've had (we switch often) that if you know the company name and the sponsor's SSN the people at the office can just look it up.
Screw him. Usually on that paperwork you fill out, they ask who is responsible for the bill. You should list him, that way if you have any out of pocket expenses, they will bill him.
I'm probably not qualified to comment on your post because I've not been through a divorce firsthand, but all that stuff I bolded sort of sounds like a serious mental disorder to me. Not to discount the fact that he's a loser of the first order, but with the kind of blind rage and threats and the whole "buying out of parenthood" I think I would make sure my attorney knew all this. And staying under the same roof for a week? No. Effing. Way.
Good luck!
To answer the other questions: Yes, he did eventually give me the info...20 minutes before the appointment, and only after he told me he didn't actually HAVE the info and I needed to chalk it up to poor planning on my part. (Again, it's not MY health insurance policy, he never gave me any of the paperwork once it changed, I had no idea it wasn't the same as our other medical insurance, and assumed I could use the same card. Oh, and this is for his 20 month old son's appointment, not mine.)
And to address MBJ's response:
What you're seeing is what happens when a highly intelligent individual who has always been able to manipulate people into seeing things his way suddenly CAN'T get his way. Now that we are getting divorced and there are laws, legal precedents, and other inconveniences like that keeping him from being in charge of everything, he's grasping at anything he can so he can try to exert some control over me and this situation. It's like a psych experiment gone bad most days.
ETA: Forgot to answer 2 questions: No, there's no CO yet that mandates who pays the mortgage. Eventually it will be me, but since he left me with little warning and no job, it's on him right now.
And the part about terminating parental rights: He has no interest in actually doing this. He's trying to make me say something he can use against me later. I've known him long enough to know how his brain works. He wants me to give him a figure, so then he can take it to someone and try to say that the kids and I haven't been abandoned since I gave him a $ amount and asked him to leave us alone. Also, I'm not even sure where that came from since he has no money. It might be one of the weirdest things he's ever said.