Trouble in Paradise
BabyTime01032012
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Staying Friends with Divorcing Friends?
Recently a good couple friend of ours has decided to separate on their way to divorce. I have been in close contact with the wife of the couple because we were obviously better friends, being female and all. We have not spoken to her (ex)husband since we found out. Recently, we got an invitation to a party he's having that's more or less a divorce party. We RSVP'd yes because we want to be friends with each of them individually. However, as the date draws nearer, I find myself dreading going to the party more and more. I was just wondering if any of have had experiences like this? Were you able to stay friends with both of them separately after the divorce?
Re: Staying Friends with Divorcing Friends?
Has he actually said it's a divorce party? I've heard of them; I think they're tacky and they're bound to make people feel uncomfortable.
If you do not wish to go, send your regrets, the same as you would for another party you're not keen on attending. You can still remain friends with him; if you get animosity from him (or her) when he/she finds out you wish to remain friends with both, not great.
If you're going to attend, stay for as long as you "need" to then bid him good night and go home.
It might be a regular party though, right? What made you believe it was a "divorce party"?
As Tarpon said-- don't go if you don't want to.
He's not calling it a divorce party. He's calling it and "embrace the change party," so it's a little more positive. I guess it could be a regular party. I just hope it doesn't turn into a whole bunch of ex bashing. I guess he and his friends have been doing a ton of bashing her on FB. I'm not on FB, so I don't know the extent of it. If that's the case then I'll definitely be leaving.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This, and even if he were handling all of this in a mature, respectful manner, I still wouldn't feel comfortable going to a party celebrating his divorce from another friend. Even if I wanted to continue the friendship with him, I would skip this event.
I am still friends with both sides of a now-divorced couple. I consider her one of my best friends and he is one of my H's best friends. She even lived with us for 8 months after moving to our state after the divorce. We're also invited to his wedding next summer.
It only works because everyone is up front about it and respectful. Especially in the beginning, there was definitely some bashing on both sides, but I just let them each vent. I didn't go telling him what she said and vice versa. And I didn't let what either of them said (in anger/hurt) about the other person affect my view of him/her.