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IL vent
I am borderline seething right now. Sorry if this gets long.
My ILs haven't been to our house in 3 years, actually FIL has NEVER been to our house, but I digress.
Since DH's schedule is impossible to work around (and because he took Thanksgiving and Christmas off last year) we planned to stay home. My parents wanted to come, but I offered to host DH's parents. ILs said they'd come as long as MIL was ok to travel (she's on her millionth round of chemo and it's kicking herass) so it was going to be sort of a last minute decision. We're ok with that. My parents made other plans with my mom's family.
Fast forward to last week, FSIL put something on fb along the lines of "decisions, decisions, fly to SAV or drive" (ILs have a place in SAV) so DH and I saw it and we were like.... soooo are they going there for Christmas? DH talked to them yesterday, and sure enough, they have no intentions of even trying to make it to our house for Christmas. MIL's exact words were "if i'm ok to travel, we'll be going to Savannah, I need a vacation". Not "I might not be here next year so lets spend as much time with my sons as I can", no - "hey can you guys make it to savannah and join us?" NOTHING.
W(hy)TF do they constantly leave DH out of their plans? It's really pissing me off.
Also, W(hen)TF were they planning on telling us they had no intentions on coming to see us?
My parents are amazeballs and are now willing to change their plans and use up the rest of my dad's vacation time and come see us so we won't be alone (and so that my DH has some sort of parental figure, since his want nothing to do with him, apparently).
Alright, I feel a little bit better now.
Re: IL vent
wow, your ILs suck, I am really sorry!
People suck. I get very defensive on behalf of my H, when this stuff happens in his family.
We were once visiting his brother, and my H mentioned it would be nice if they came down and visited us sometime, since we were always the ones going there. He replied, "Well, to be honest, it's just always going to be this way. You'll always have to come up here, we'll never come visit. We don't know anyone down there."
Um, your only brother is not enough to warrant a visit? Not to mention that MIL spends half the year here too. And, it's not like we know anyone else where they live.
Yeah - I totally get her wanting to go down there, she loves it there, if thats where she wants to spend Christmas, fine. But at least invite us, or tell us you're not planning on coming to our house.
BIL lives with them, so he's always included in their plans. He never thinks to call us about anything. When he got engaged we didn't find out until BIL and FSIL came to see us 4 months after it happened and she was wearing a ring.
I am so upset that they leave DH out like this. My family is so up in everyones business all the time that I have a hard time understanding them.
We make the rockin' world go 'round.
That is BSC. WTF?
We make the rockin' world go 'round.
My favorite was the time we planned a trip up there, and they called us like 3 days beforehand and said they'd gotten a phone invite to a wedding of some recent acquaintances for that same weekend, and were going to go. But it was great we were coming, because now we could dogsit for them and for their friend's dog too!
They were like, "We realize we are C list invitees to the wedding, but we have other friends going and it will be so fun! Plus, we really like the bride and groom and would like to get to know them better."
i would have cancelled the trip just to make attending the wedding harder on them. WTF?!
They are very blunt (and that sometimes comes across as rude) but they're also a little too understanding about how hard it is for DH to take vacation on short notice. So, likely, they didn't invite us because they thought we couldn't come anyways. But it would have been nice to feel included.
It's not like we could have gone down there on this short of notice, so it's not really that - I think it's more that DH was once again left out and that they didn't consider telling us they weren't coming here. I went from thinking I have to make room for 4 extra people (which mean cleaning out our finished basement to put a bed down there) and getting a grocery list/menu together to them not coming at all. It's a whole bunch of stress on me that could have been avoided.
We make the rockin' world go 'round.
That is complete crap. I would seriously write those people off -- not for not inviting you (as you know, we deal with the same shitty last minute schedule and it has gotten to the point that people are sick of hearing that we don't know if we can come and have just stopped inviting us - kinda just is what it is) BUT they had an obligation to let you know that they had absolutely no plans to come to your house - and it is not something that you should have had to deduce from FB postings and misaddressed text messages.
As with my DHs issues with his parents, though, there is a time at which they (sadly not we, they're not our parents) have to "man up" and tell them enough is enough. Their decision not to tell you about their plans (along with not inviting you along) is simply rude and should not be expected from a stranger, much less a family member. I'd say maybe it is his mom's medication, maybe she is becoming forgetful, or all of the stress is causing them to forget that they made other commitments, or at least partial plans, but it seems like this type of thing has been going on a lot longer than she has been sick.
I'm sorry, especially for him, that this is the way that they have handled it. I think that it is a shame that some parents either have no clue, or just don't care, how their dismissive or ignorant actions and behavior affects their grown children. I think some people are just selfish, and some are just stupid. I'm not sure which category your ILs fall into, but either one, it sucks to be the kid who bears the brunt of it.
My family can be like that at times. Like when I just called to check in and they asked if I was coming to the family reunion the next day, which was 750 miles away and no one told me. Or when I asked how my great aunt was and learned that she had died more than a year before and no one thought to tell me. I like to think that it is lack of organization and not intentional. Like they've all been discussing things amongst themselves and just forget that I'm not part of the conversation and they need to tell me.
I hope that your DH's feelings aren't hurt too badly but I definitely understand that they would be. Kudos to your parents for being such great troopers.
My H is consistently left out of the plans, too. On purpose. Funny, though, at Thanksgiving (which we just showed up to with frozen pies, no one called us even though everyone else had been called weeks prior), we were actually invited to the family Christmas Eve....why? Cuz they're not giving out any big presents this year. I've learned to just laugh, otherwise we just end up fighting with each other over it. They live less than 2 hours from us but have only been to our house once in 5 years. We're too far away...15 min from his siblings, who are regularly visited. LOL Enjoy a drama-free Christmas!
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