Starting Over
Starryfish
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
s/o difference b/w deal breaker and compromise
Bowie got me thinking in the post below. She talked about its okay to not be comfortable with your BF/SO having lots of friendships with other girls. That you should not have to mold yourself to fit the guy and his likes (sorry if I got this paraphrasing wrong).
For me, that is not a dealbreaker, if I had an issue with that, I think that is something you can compromise on or just deal/work with.
Sometimes I get confused between dealbreakers and comprising. How do you distinguish the difference? Is a dealbreaker something you FLAT out will not compromise on in any way? Sorry if this is rambling and not making sense...
Re: s/o difference b/w deal breaker and compromise
This is why writing down dealbreakers is a good thing to do. Often our judgment gets clouded so that we may end up compromising on things that are dealbreakers for us, but get thrown by the wayside in an attempt to compromise on things in a relationship.
A dealbreaker to me is something that I will not compromise on, including: drugs, cheating, ostracized from family (if the whole family talks and is close but he doesn't--different than the family ostracizing a crazy uncle who is in jail for killing someone).
Compromising in a relationship is compromising on things that make your partner happy but not at the expense of your overall happiness, in my opinion. I feel like I compromised on everything in my marriage (including dealbreakers) so I can't comment much on this.
Yeah my ex had friendships that made me uneasy and surprise surprise literally one week after I moved out he was openly dating his "friend"
Well said MCC! I agree about being very clear about deal breakers - you don't want to end up in a relationship with someone and then 6mos (or more!) down the road realize you have to breakup with someone you are attached to.
I think a dealbreaker is something that you cannot and are not willing to compromise on. For example, I have a friend who cannot stand it when people smoke weed. She has been in relationships with people who have done this before and she won't tolerate it in her current relationship. For her, there is no compromise. It's black or white and she tells people she is dating in the beginning stages.
I wouldn't be with someone who didn't want more children. That would be a deal breaker. It isn't something I can compromise on.
I knew my stbxh had social anxiety disorder when I met him but I let that slide because he was so good to me. I felt safe with him... while this is no where the reason why we are divorcing, I realize I had change my lifestyle for him and I really miss my friends and social setting. I can't believe I allowed it to happen so I second Mint and silly goose on what they say by writing down your deal breakers before meeting someone so you don't get distracted.