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Well...one week
A week from now I'll be in the air home to Canada.
My heart is pretty weighed down at the moment. I sent bf an email at work about how I was feeling, and he sent the most amazing one back about he only wants to be with me and he will do everything possible to make sure we stay together.
He's making it so much better, but...I don't know, I'm just so much happier here than I ever was in Canada, and I can't believe that I found someone amazing and now I have to leave him.
I need to finish packing today but it's so overwhelming. Most of my things are packed and soon it'll looked like I never even lived here.
There's no real point to this post, I just needed to let this crap out. It looks like some other ladies are having a rough time now too, so at least I'm in good company.
It's not too cold out today so I should go into town to get a few things done and enjoy the few days I have left in the city, but I'm watching TV instead. Anyone want to give me a kick in the pants to get dressed and leave the flat?
And thank you all so much for all of the support you've given me, both now and over the past 2 years I've been living abroad.
Re: Well...one week
Let me offer you some perspective, as somebody who is, like, fifty years older than you.
The reason you're happier in Scotland than you ever were in Canada might have more to do with your age and who you are, rather than where you are.
Remember how sh!tty it felt to be an angsty teenager, and uncomfortable in your own skin and, at the time it seemed, the entire universe? Yeah, it blew. That feeling might've very well went on a little longer for you. And it just took something - age, distance, whatever - to snap out of it and see what happiness and real life feels like.
So before you completely write off your future in Canada, think about how you as a person have changed. That might make the adjustment period, and your whole life there, more tolerable. Perhaps even really awesome.
I do think your happiness will be dependent upon getting away from your cray cray sister. If that means shacking up in the dingy basement of a frat house, I think you'd be happier there than under the same roof with her. Alternatively, you could get your butt moving on your next IN assignment. You are young, girlfriend, and that is an advantage. Use it!
I can't help you on the gentleman front. And I know that's the saddest/suckiest part of this whole situation. Just don't panic. Everything will work out if you want it to and you work at it.
Reverse culture shock is worse than culture shock, because I think it comes with such a great sense of loss. I do think it's permanent, but like a broken heart the pain does fade over time. It's always there, it just becomes tolerable.
"Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end" - I guess that's the mindset you need to cling on to, especially during the beginning (a.k.a. worst part) of it.
I so, so agree with all of this! You are young, and single (ie, not married) and child-free, work on getting back to Edinburgh! Or to another IN destination!
As many of us have done, I spent almost 2 years away from dh. We were lucky in that we still saw each other every 4-6 weeks (there was a LOT of flying going on, and a lot of ff miles donated by my dad) but it still sucked. There were times I wondered if we would last. But things have a crazy way of working out if they are meant to!
I love, love, love Rita's post. It's so true - you'll have an entirely different experience in Canada than you did last time because you're entirely different! And there are tons of women on here who made it work long-distance and have fabulous success stories. I think once you're back and you can figure out what you're doing next, you'll feel much better - it's the limbo which must be so difficult!
Hope you got out of the flat. Visit the Xmas market, that's always good for a giggle.
BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks, Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks
I love Rita's post as well. Just want to send you lots of hugs and good vibes your way. If you really want to be with your BF, everything will work out in the end.
You are coming home with so much more than what you left with. I am sure you are going to get so much more there. Good Luck!!!
Thank you all so much. I really am a different person than I was when I moved here. I can only hope that I can translate that into happiness in Canada.
I feel like I'm being so melodramatic about this whole thing, but ugh I am dreading it.
I finished packing today. I have about 135lbs of clothes and shoes, not counting the 4 huge bags that went to charity shops.