Trouble in Paradise
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
What is the best thing to do??
Hi all...I don't post much but I have an interesting situation I need some input on. I work for a large company and to make a long story short so does my best friends abusive ex husband. Well another coworker I am friends with has a friend (also works for the same company) who told her today she was going on a date with him this weekend. My friend knew a little about the true story as to why they divorced but not in great detail so she called me, I couldn't answer, and left a message for me to call and tell her what happened so she can warn her friend. Clearly I don't want this AHole doing anything to another girl like what he did to my friend but I also fear for myself. If I tell her and she says something to him he will know I am the one who told her because I am one of the only people who know the truth of the matter and everyone else we work with think that she cheated and thats the reason for the divorce which even if she had been(she wasn't) that is NO reason to hit her! There is a public record of this case somewhere because the county pressed charges and he was forced to plead guilty did a small amount of jail time and had to do counseling that he has completed 'successfully' according to the court. So what do I do? I want to warn the girl but I also don't want to fear for myself running into him...I know on some level the right thing is to warn her but does it make me a bad person that I am doubting this because I am afraid of what he could say/do to me?? Sorry for the rant but thanks for any advice!
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Re: What is the best thing to do??
I can understand why you'd want to tell her, but I have a feeling that no matter what you do, it will not stop her from going out with him. In addition, people tend to shoot the messenger, you know? I feel that there is a 90% chance that this woman will either not believe you, or assume that you are trying to keep her from dating this man because your friend is not over him. And, since you work at the same company, this could cause a lot of workplace drama that you don't need.
For me, it would depend on the situation, but I would try to just mind my own business in this situation.
Does any of this info show up when you Google his name? If it does, I'd tell her to Google him (and any potential future dates).
Though, I'm with Risky on this one - people do tend to shoot the messenger/not believe the messenger for various reasons. Which is why I suggested Googling him - if she finds it on her own, she'll be more likely to stay away from him. Unless, of course, he "explains" it all away like we've seen before around TIP.
I would do the Google thing or simply just say that he isn't a nice guy and that she is free to do what she wants but if it were you or one of your close friends you would tell them/would run as fast as you can.
Sadly I think she is going to have to find this stuff out for herself. No need to get into details, that will just make it more obvious that you are involved.
Ditto - see what you find when you Google him and if you find the right stuff, pass that on to your friend.
Past that, I'd tell your friend that you can't speak in any more detail as to what happened due to keeping your friends confidences. I would even say "You know enough to put 2 and 2 together. I wouldn't recommend she date him, but she's an adult and can make her own choices".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
My best friend is dating my mentally/verbally abusive ex. (It's a long story)
All I could tell her, and what I've been telling her for three years is "Honey, I love you very much and I will support you no matter what. I don't want to see you go through what I went through, but you are my best friend and I want to see you happy."
It sucks, because the jerk hasn't changed a single bit. Not one tiny bit. But, there isn't anything that you can do to change her mind, but she needs someone to stand by her side. If he does start abusing her, she needs to know that she has an ally, and that you aren't going to turn against her.
Thank you guys for your thoughts it helped a lot to see that not wanting to disclose all the information didn't make me a bad person. I decided to just tell my Friend that all I was really comfortable saying was that 1 they did not divorce due to an affair but there are much deeper issues and 2 he isn't a good guy and is not what he sells himself as. I expressed my fears about him finding out that I told her about the truth and all I can hope is that if my friend tells her my fears at all she will see that he is not such a great guy. I asked my friend to leave my name completely out of it as well because I don't know the girl going on a date with him personally so if she doesn't know my name that may help.
As far as Google stuff he has a pretty generic name so it is difficult to find anything about it or even him for that matter. I have even tried to look up the case, seeing that it is public record, on the county site but its not MAC compatible.
If there were police reports filed (which doesnt sound like it), you could view them on your local govt's site. Just a thought....
THIS!