Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Parents still give you gifts?
I lost my job earlier this year so we're not able to buy Christmas gifts for our families. We talked to both sets of parents and they're understanding, we asked that they not get us gifts this year. We really just wanted to focus on spending more time together and having fun. Both sets still want to get us gifts, we both came up with short list of things for ourselves & "us" to give to each set of parents. My parents don't think that there's enough on our lists & refuse to buy us gift cards or give cash. We really enjoy eating out & trying different food, but it's something we can't afford to do. We explained to parents that we don't need a lot and there's not really any frivolous items that I want. Since we love our dogs, I suggested they could make a donation to the animal shelter in our name - that was a big NO.
I'm grateful that they care about us and want to give us gifts, I don't want to tell them things to buy us just so they have something to get us. The things we would enjoy most are going out to eat or going to the theater, things that we can't get for ourselves right now. Any suggestions on what to say to them or should I just avoid their phone calls & emails?
Re: Parents still give you gifts?
Yes, especially DH's parents. It makes them really happy.
They won't even give you gift certificates to specific restaurants you like? Can you look at the schedule for the local theatre and ask for tickets to a specific performance? Or, if you like food, ask for fancy food items from someplace like Williams-Sonoma that you can make at home.
DH & I don't exchange with either set of parents. We stopped exchanging with our immediate families years ago when it became such a costly tradition. My dad is actually the opposite of your parents - wanna switch?
He LOVED to buy DH and I GC's and to me, it always felt like he would give us these GC's to just "give us something", KWIM? I always think that gift giving should be more "personal" than that, so that's where I can kind of get on board w/your parents.
Since you & DH love to try new foods, do either of you like to cook? Maybe request something nice for your kitchen like a new tool, appliance or some spices and herbs? Since you're not working, would your parents be open to getting you a GC to your local grocery store? Or, are they just not open to the GC idea at all?
If you really cannot think of any tangible items that you want & a GC is the only thing that you could really use, I'd just have a nice chat w/them and explain that since you're out of work, you & DH have had to cut back entertainment & you'd really appreciate dinner GC's so that the two of you can enjoy a night out. Ask them to make an acception for this Christmas & you can worry about future ones as they arise.
If they aren't open to that, what about taking you & DH out to dinner as their gift & then giving you just something small to open?
Agreed. Or what about a cooking class for the two of you?
I think all of these are great ideas. One of our favorite fancy places offers cooking classes. You could find out how to make your favorites and do them at home. Plus, maybe look at some Groupon or Living Social options. Maybe they would be more open to some kind of "experience" or "Date Night" idea as opposed to just a restaurant gift card.
Both our parents still give us gifts. Usually though, they do like to give us each at least one item that is personal and not a couple's gift-for example, a shirt and earrings for me, a video game and watch for him. Maybe your parents would feel better about getting something for the two of your together if they also had a couple of small things for each of you individually?
My Dad usually has me buy what I want, within a certain budget, and he pays us back. He's in Israel and buying things from American vendors over there is a little trickier, just 'cause of the credit card thing and all. But yes, he loves to buy us gifts, even though my H never "needs" anything (so he says). I'll usually think of something Dad can give H.
I think it's odd that they're not up for giving you gift cards. What about at a place that you go to often, such as Target or whatever? This way, they can be helpful and still give you a gift... but oh well, they say no, it's no. Can you just phrase the email as a "we haven't had many opportunities to go out to dinner lately, and it would be very special to us to go to XXX (name your favorite restaurant) together...." kind of note?
Odd that they're limiting what they'll give in this way. But he who has the gold makes the rules. Oh well.
I seriously don't get when people ask what you want as a gift and then they say no, especially with gift cards!!
I would tell them that you guys want to have gifts that let you have a little fun and make memories (theater tickets and dining gift cards). What about a video game consol? Like a Wii or Xbox. You can do fitness games, regular games, stream movies/ tv shows, etc. Or how about a fondue set or ice cream maker? Do you want any items to spruce up your hoime? Like a plush thorw blanket, scented candles, photo frames? Just some ideas! Good luck!
I know you feel awkward about receiving gifts because you can't give any, but really, it's okay. This year is an extreme circumstance, but if your parents want to give you gifts, that's their choice, and there's no reason for you to feel bad about it.
Some good suggestions in this post, but if you truly feel uncomfortable about adding items to your list, can you give them a list of things they can buy for your dogs? If they give dog food that eases up your budget a bit....
My MIL has DH and I each do an amazon.com wish list for Christmas. I had a hard time with it the first couple of years he and I were dating, as my family has always been more into buying well thought out gifts that are a surprise rather than having a list of wants. I used to feel weird about putting a bunch of stuff on a list hoping that my in laws would buy the stuff for me, and I also never really had much that I wanted. I would put a few inexpensive things on my list, like a couple paperback books and some lotions, and my DH would then get a call from my MIL about how I need to put nicer things on my list.
I forced myself to just embrace it, and now it's kind of fun to force myself to think of some nice things I want for myself. This year I asked for a Keurig and some accessories. Another year I asked for (and got) a necklace from Tiffany, and the year before that I got a nice purse.