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Online dating-let's discuss?
So this Sunday I unhid my match.com profile but I didn't activate it, so I have limited access. Basically I can see who winks at me or emails, but I cannot read the emails without activating it. I can also look at other profiles and wink for free if I want.
So far I haven't received an email or wink from anyone that I am interested enough in to actually pay the $35 and activate my account. I'm being extra frugal these days. I winked at three people so far but I haven't received anything back from them.
I am kind of "meh" about it now, and am really just looking at it as one more way to put myself out there, without too many expectations. I do think it's a little strange though that, in my experience, I've never had any luck when I made the first move (as in sending a wink or email). What's everyone elses' take and experiences on online dating and how long did you have the profile up before you met someone?
Re: Online dating-let's discuss?
Good question - I actually wanted to ask the same thing!
I was on Match for a while, went on a few dates, but didn't meet anyone great. I decided I wasn't paying anymore and took a break from dating. For the heck of it, I made a profile on OkCupid because some people on here have met there SO's on there. Again, no luck. At least with Match I went on a few dates. The guys on OKC just email a couple of times and disappear. Or the emails are super creepy and I don't respond to them.
How long is this supposed to take?!
I only did a free trial of Match (never paid), so within the 7-day free trial period, I found someone on Match worth hanging out with for a while, but it wasn't a meeting of souls or anything. He contacted me first.
After probably four months on OkCupid, I met The Artist. I actually contacted him first.
Probably 20% of my dates were with people I contacted first. The rest were with people who contacted me first.
Good luck, achase!
I did Match because I honestly did not have the time/resources to get out and meet people. I also wanted to pre-screen (though I am aware not all profiles are honest).
I had a profile for a while (over a month) before I got past emailing someone. BF an I started communicated around that time. I never winked at people... I figured if someone found me great, if not, oh well!
I put a 3 month time frame on it. If I didn't go on at least one good date I would deacivate.
Yah, I don't have any real expectations or anything, but I figured "why not?" especially if I can monitor it in a way that it's free, for now at least. I live in a small community so match is the main form of online dating that people use I think.
I also made the decision to not communicate with someone unless I saw some real potential rather than the "give anyone and everyone a chance" motto that I had before. That helps to stave off having it feel like a job and a chore more than something that I just respond to if I see some potential.
We'll see how it goes because I still struggle with having it feel like I'm not just letting things happen naturally. Part of me believes in that school of thought and part of me figures "what's the harm in putting extra feelers out there?"
When I first started on match (or any dating site for that matter) I feel like I get a huge influx of responses at first because I am fresh meat but after that it dies down. I didn't notice a difference on whether I initiated contact or not.
I gave up on online dating because it seems the majority of the time it would be one or two dates and then nothing would ever come of it. Most people when online dating are dating and talking to so many other people that it is easy for them to just disappear.
My last straw was when I had been going on dates with this guy off match for 3 months when I found out he was also sleeping with another girl from online who just so happened to be dating and sleeping with my XH at the same time.
I dno't know...I'm a bit frustated with online dating.
I did Match a while ago and met a great guy on there, really quickly after I joined. We emailed back and forth non-stop for about a week before we met up. Unfortunately, it was just too soon after my divorce and he decided I just wasn't ready (I totally wasn't) but was nice enough to break it to me gently. It's too bad-he was a great guy, just the wrong time.
I finally joined eHarmony after being convinced by a few friends/sister. I met a guy on there right away and we dated for a few weeks...then it just fizzled. We had emailed back and forth for about a week before we met up.
eHarmony has been SLOW. Like, no searching, etc. that you can do wtih Match. Which honestly is kind of nice, because it does't become a whole focus (as in, I can't waste hours on it...I check my "matches" in the morning, then i'm done for the day unless I'm waiting for a response,etc. The guys have been...um, mostly I'm just not that interested in them, but every once and while, I'll come across one that's worth checking out. I will say that alot of them seem nice and that they have their sh!t together, which is what I want.
I am meeting up for drinks tonight with someone who is a little outside of my "normal" but we have alot in common. We haven't really talked that much, but he seems really nice. I feel like in the past, I've put so much time/effort into before the initial meeting, only to be let down eventually. This time, I just sort of went for it and after the 4th stage of communiaction, asked him if he wanted to meet up for happy hour. This way, I can just figure out right away if it's worth pursuing or not. If not, I'll move on I'm honestly going in with little expecations.
This is based on my experiences several years ago:
I met my stbxh on an online dating site. I did have a lot of luck meeting several dating candidates. Pictures helped and I remember thinking if no one had a full account, that they may not be as serious as I was and was just dabbling so I didn't take them serioiusly. (This was probably not true at all but I had a narrow mind back then)
Not related to your question but wanted to share my experiences.
When I am ready to date again, online dating is not for me because it changed my lifestyle when I started dating guys from online sites which is why I don't want to do it again. It was gradual so I didn't catch myself and I lived a different lifestyle with my stbxh than how I had hoped to live my life. For an example, I didn?t want my friends to meet someone I was dating right away when I really didn?t know the person well until I knew more about the person. This led me to sort of stray from my usual friends activities to make time to meet guys. Next think I know, my friends became aquaintances.
This sums up what I was trying to get at in my post.
I think it's either there, or it isn't. If we're both willing to give it a chance, then what harm can be done, right?
When I first started looking at online dating after the divorce, it was more to just have some fun and get out there - not looking for anything serious. I signed up on match, where I contacted some guys, and some contacted me. Mostly it never went beyond emails/phone calls (either from my lack of interest or from theirs). I did have a couple first dates, but nothing really sparked. Which was fine, because I wasn't looking to be too serious.
After a month or so of just looking around and not finding a whole lot that that was quality, I realized I wanted to actually date someone - one person. I decided to join eharmony (but still keep doing match). I got more contact off eharmony, but wasn't getting contacted by the type of guys I was interested in.
Three months into online dating I sent an email to my current BF. I almost didn't because in his profile pic gave off a stereotypical frat boy vibe to me. But my friends encouraged me to email him anyway, and of course now I'm glad I did - for the record, he was in a fraternity, but is far from a sterotypical frat boy.
Overall I agree with the PP who said if you want something you go for it. When I got back out there after the divorce I felt like I had been waiting my entire life (up until that point) for love to "happen" to me. So instead I did something about it and became active in looking for a dating/love life. I realize that approach isn't for everyone, but it's worked for me (BF and I moved in together about a month and a half ago and I can definitely see him in my life for a very long time).
I always had a profile on one paid site and one free site and checked both semi-regularly. When I first got out there, I had more dates via Match, but met XBF via OKC. I had an active profile for over a month before he found me. He never showed up in my filters, though he should have. I encountered that frequently (on both sites) - so change up your filters occasionally.
After XBF and I went our separate ways, I jumped back online almost immediately. Now that I had officially survived my first post-divorce relationship (and it was a positive experience), I felt a lot more confident. I saw BF's profile on, like, page 55 of the Match search I ran. His profile didn't have a lot of bells and whistles, but something about him prickled my interest and I winked at him. He wrote back a few days later, and it took off from there. We still laugh that we couldn't believe our luck - I had just bought a 3 month membership and met him within the first week, and he was about to end a 6 month membership that he checked infrequently at best.
You know my story, but I know there are people on here who will read this post to see the replies, so here it is.
I joined match about 5 months after I filed for divorce. To me, it felt like a bar online. I met a few guys on there who were nice enough, but there were things in their profile that were not exactly true. And I figured if they would lie about their height, what other lies would they tell? So I went on like 6 or so first dates off match, met one guy who I went on maybe 3-4 dates with and that was that. I only kept my match account for 6 months because I got a deal for paying in advance.
About 6 months after the divorce (and after a month on match and not liking what I saw), I tried eharmony at the urging of my doctor of all people. He is a nice, professional, single guy in his 30s also, so I figured if people like him were on there, I'd give it a shot. The quality of men I met on there was much higher and I noticed the people I was paired with and went on dates with were much more truthful in their profiles. I guess if you are paying $30 a month for a profile, you are actually trying to do more than get laid (which seemed to be the goal of most of the guys I met on match). I met one guy on eharmony the first week I was on. We dated for about 6 weeks and then it fizzled. I was on it about 5 months and then I met my boyfriend. That was over a year ago and we are moving in together next month, and have talked about getting married (not a question of if, but when).
So I may be biased because I did find a fantastic man on eharmony, but I think online dating can work. I think which site is best depends on your area and age. My cousin, for example, is my age and we have similar beliefs and both have a son the same age,etc and she hated eharmony and met her now dh on match. We live in very different cities.
I also have to say I did like that on eharmony 5-6 profiles popped up in my mailbox each morning and if I liked them I could send a message and if I didn't I'd delete. I didn't have to take time to search and such like on match. It was less time consuming.
I'm a few months into match, but I don't really have any complaints. Maybe it's my age (35) or the fact that I'm open and honest in my answers, but I am only meeting and communicating with quality people so far. I admit I'm a single mom whose daughter is priority #1, I'm not into the drunken party scene, and I'm down to earth. I'm selective too. If anything in their profile rubs me the wrong way, I typically just move on. I've done the winking and most have fizzled out, but my dates have been with guys that have contacted me first.
Good luck!
I hated match.com. It just seemed really shallow to me (very based on externals such as looks and other photos demonstrating what a wonderful snowboarder, skier, horseback rider, driver, sports enthusiast, etc you were), and I don't know if it's changed since I was last there (4 or so years ago?) but it wasn't my style.
I met MH on eHarmony.com and it was a really great fit from day 1. I think that if you're honest and completely straightforward in the testing that you have to do to create your profile, your odds go way up at finding someone good. I met a few duds on there in the year or so i was registered, but once I met MH I never looked back.
You ask me, it's a worthwhile investment if you're really serious about finding good people to date. No one goes through that profile creation process if they aren't serious, I think. HTH.