Trouble in Paradise
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co-worker trainwreck

Two days ago my co-worker confided in me that she wanted to leave her husband, who also work with us.  I have been trying to stay out of it, but given how they last separation went, I volunteered to help her do this civilly. Less drama bombs at work the better.

This time, I told her she needs to get things in order and do things thoroughly right so she doesn't have to cross this bridge again. I gave her a good grocery list of things to prepare for. Thankfully they have separate accounts, phone bills, and such.

I feel bad for her husband, he isn't a bad guy, he is just a bad husband. He makes the same mistake that most young, ignorant people do like budgeting problems, struggle to become independent from mom and pop that feel like they need him still, that bs. She is making dumb young choices of her own like getting married because she felt pressured to, feeling like she never got to play the field, falling complete out of love and faking emotions to keep the peace because it's what everyone else wants. It's the same problems they had before they got married, then before they separated and then after they got back together.

The question is how to do it? Last time they separated was a disaster. She stayed out all night with another guy, another co-worker, confessed to her husband that they were in love on the phone, which was a lie she just wanted out. Then he showed up at her house and refused to leave. Some dramatic sneaky exit was made. He tried to talk to her at work so management had to walk her to and from the timeclock, which is near where he works.

But how to tell him? Face to face alone, gives him the chance to keep her there (he is about a foot taller than her and weights a lot more than her) but telling him any other way seems cruel. Whether it was online, through a letter or on the phone, it seems like that will hurt more.

How do you cut the drama out of such a trainwreck?


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Re: co-worker trainwreck

  • Face to face, semipublic (not with people listening, but with witnesses, like at a restaurant or something)
    image
  • A restaurant is a great idea, but what about making a scene? He is likely to follow her out.

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  • You don't play out your domestic difficulties at the office.  Screwing some guy at the office, where your dh also works, while crying to the boss that you are afraid to punch the time clock because of your dh, who you then get back together with, is asking to get fired.

    I'd fire her for the whole thing, frankly. I'm busy and I'm not interested in this kind of crap at my office on a daily basis. Too much personal drama? Get out.

     

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  • I'm sorry, this is/was her HUSBAND.  He's not abusive, he deserves a face-to-face.  It's immature to break up with a causual boyfriend via text - - with a husband, it's just douche.

    I have to agree that your co-worker seems to be an immature drama queen who loves being wanted - even if it's not in the right way. 

  • imageheartlyric:
    A restaurant is a great idea, but what about making a scene? He is likely to follow her out.

    She could have a friend drive her to and from the restaurant - that way, even if he follows her out, there's someone else there to intervene (and call the police, if he goes really nutso or something).  Also, she can tell friend "Hey, if I'm not out of the restaurant in X amount of time, please come in and check on me." 

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  • imageSue_sue:

    You don't play out your domestic difficulties at the office.  Screwing some guy at the office, where your dh also works, while crying to the boss that you are afraid to punch the time clock because of your dh, who you then get back together with, is asking to get fired.

     

    The truth is that there is too much interconnection at my work. In some cases, almost a whole family works in one store. By policy, as long as none are management, it is allowed.


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  • imageStephBeanWed61502:

    imageheartlyric:
    A restaurant is a great idea, but what about making a scene? He is likely to follow her out.

    She could have a friend drive her to and from the restaurant - that way, even if he follows her out, there's someone else there to intervene (and call the police, if he goes really nutso or something).  Also, she can tell friend "Hey, if I'm not out of the restaurant in X amount of time, please come in and check on me." 

    Yeah, this might be best. It is just a bandage that they need to rip, and let it heal.


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  • I'm sorry, unless there is something I am missing here obviously this is a face to face discussion with papers in hand.  Does she fear her safety?

     

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