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? for those who divorced with children
I am not at the filing for divorce point yet, I waiting until after the holidays; however, H is aware of my feelings of unhappiness and that I've been thinking of separation. He just doesn't know I'm now considering divorce right away.
Anyway, we have 2 DDs (2 1/2 and almost 5) and although I'd like to think we can be cival throughout this whole process, I can see him putting up a fight about custody. I am ok with sharing equal custody. I even thought of a custody plan: H would have them Mon & Tues; I would have them Wed & Thurs; and we alternate every other weekend. That would work for now, but DD1 will start kindergarten next fall so the agreement would likely change as we more than likely would live in different school districts. I'd like to be the custodial parent but am 100% towards keeping a fair custody plan. We are both good parents and there is no reason one should fight for sole custody or a lesser custody plan for the other.
Out of curiosity, how was it determined who the custodial parent is/was? Is it most often the mother unless she is proven unfit? How did you agree upon a custody agreement. And how do you split custody? TIA!
Our Angel baby, lost at 6w6d on 6/10/08
Re: ? for those who divorced with children
I think my situation is a little unusual, but I'll share anyway
My X adopted my DS last July and because he was driven by guilt during our divorce, he was totally agreeable to me having full legal custody and full placement. We also agreed to a visitation schedule that worked for us both. Thankfully, we were pretty agreeable to all of this stuff.
I know a lot of different visitation/placement schedules, but around here, it's the norm to have joint custody.
I guess my advice is try to be civil and focus on what's best for the kids, not what's best for the adults! Good luck!
I don't know how much this varies by state. I was divorced in Texas, and we shared 50/50 joint custody regarding rights and responsibilities, but I was granted physical custody and he was granted a standard visitation schedule. Their primary residence has always been with me (I had to petition the court to move out of the county and he theoretically could have protested). It's worked out ok - we've both been flexible about holiday plans and never got pissy about it.
Your 2-day/2-day schedule will be very difficult to maintain when your daughters get older and have extracurricular activities and such.
We have 50/50 legal custody (in regards to choices pertainint to education, health and religion). I have primary physical custody, and that was determined because I have ds more of the time.
Our schedule is that he is with his dad Wednesdays overnight and every other weekend Friday - Sunday dinner. We also both have dinner with DS on Monday nights at my house so that we can all be on the same page regarding school, extra curriculars, etc. DS is 5 BTW and was 3 when we divorced. This has always been our arrangement.
A friend of mine does a 50/50 physical custody and their schedule is: Week 1 Monday/Tuesday with mom; Wednesday/Thursday with dad; Friday - Sunday with mom. Week 2 Monday/Tuesday with dad; Wednesday/Thursday with mom; Friday - Sunday with dad. This 2/2/3 alternation means neither has to go more than three days without their son.
We are not divorced yet, been seperated since 9/10. I have the girls (almost the same exact ages as your DD's) M,T,W. He has them every Th and Sunday and we alternate Friday and Saturdays. It's crazy but we also live in the same school district. We are still fighting about custody...
It depends on the state and the judge, my state is more of a co-parenting state and both parents have equal rights...
Thank you everyone for your replies. I understand that each situation is different and realize that the custody plan I came up with won't work once DD1 is in school and/or doing more things outside of school. She is already in gymnastics Monday nights, which is something I'd want to change because I want to be the one to take her since it was my idea. So I thought about moving her to a gymnastics place closer to where I would be living and obviously on a night when I would have them.
Anyway, I think things will be ok once we are able to discuss this more. You are absolutely correct that we need to do what's in the best interest for the girls. They are my number one priority.