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Help me figure this one out... (long one...)
Ok, so the divorce is finalized, but I still have to maintain contact with XH because of our son.
Here is some history: XH is a complete d!ck. He makes my life difficult whenever possible. If he owes me money, he drags in getting me money. If our son needs to be picked up/dropped off, he tells "asks" me to do it because he's busy. Get the point?
Ok, so last night I had my son's gift for his best friend & cards for the teachers with me, but my XH has my son. So I happened to be at an office xmas party close to his home and said, "come pick it up from me at the restaurant." my BF was with me, but stayed in the car to avoid conflict.
As my XH was leaving, he called out to my BF by name and started to drive off. My BF responded by sticking his arm out the window and flicking XH off. This was the closest they've been to "meeting". XH gets all p!ssy and calls me like WTF and all offended at the lack of respect.
Though I am not happy with how BF responded to XH, it was also something that was instigated by XH. Thoughts on how I can calm the fire? Im thinking that I need to finally arrange a meeting of everyone, XH, XH's GF, me and BF.
Re: Help me figure this one out... (long one...)
The next time I talked to XH, I would just apologize for you BF's hand gesture and say it won't happen again. Let things cool off for a while, and after that if you'd like to introduce your BF to your XH, then do so. I don't know if I'd sit down with the four of you for a meeting of the minds though - I think that would be rather awkward.
Yes but it was the culmination of many prior acts on behalf of XH that this one thing finally set BF off.
BF is not happy with how XH continues to treat me, using our child as a pawn in an attempt to get under my skin, making comments to my son about my BF, stuff like that. I do not tolerate any negative talking about my XH in my house when my son is around. But apparently XH says lots of nasty crappola about my BF to my son.
I think when XH called out his name "in a high squeaky kind of voice", my BF finally had it.
This is strange and immature behavior on both people's parts - especially for people who have never met each other. Why did your XH call out to him - what did he say? Why did your BF react in this way? It seems like you all are grown adults and should at least try to be civilized.
I agree w/ Bowies advice.
It's not your BF's job to stand up for you and it's your job. Why are you not setting up boundaries and why are you letting your XH's behavior affect you in these ways? You need to speak to your XH directly regarding this behavior.
Honestly? I would tell BF to grow up then I would tell XH I was sorry for BF being immature in that moment. It doesn't matter what XH is saying/doing, BF needs to be an adult about it and not get on his level.
I don't see how everyone meeting at this time would be helpful, so I wouldn't suggest it.
I agree and I basically reprimanded both of them. I told BF that I didn't like what he did (especially because my son was nearby). This morning, I told XH that he instigated it and to grow up. My BF is a better man, by far, and I told him I was disappointed. He spent the rest of the night apologizing.
And I definitely agree that the meeting would be a simple meet and greet - no pow-wow of any sort. I was just holding out because I assumed it would happen eventually at my son's birthday party, a school event, or something of that sort. But now, Im thinking I want this to happen in private before any major event or public event.
No. Not at all. He did once confide in me that he used to be a much angrier person in the past and I think it showed for the first time last night. He knows that I didnt like it and was very remorseful.
FWIW, he is still getting used to being with someone who has to maintain contact with her ex + who has a kid. He's been doing so good so far, that I think he just had a "moment" and it hopefully wont happen again.
As tempting as it is, that was immature and uncalled for by BF. You AND BF need to be the bigger people here. If he stayed in the car to avoid conflict that's great, but he might as well have gotten out for all the conflict flipping XH off caused.
Be the exception to all of the blended families who are constantly going back and forth with wars with their exes. That's not a good example for your son and it really just isn't a good way to be. Honestly, it shows that you still care in some ways, and it's stooping to HIS level. Don't go there. If I were you I'd have a long talk with BF about making sure nothing like this happens again.