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Any good "self-help" style books on marriage?
Hey there, I thought this would be a good place to ask (I've never posted here before). DH and I have been having a bit of trouble...nothing serious but we want to address things before it gets to be so. Our communication skills are sinking, and lately we both feel like we don't have each other's back anymore, if that makes sense. Little things are becoming annoying, conversation is getting snippy, etc etc. We're both under some stress (jobs, money, kids, etc) and instead of working together we've started taking out our frustrations on each other.
We're absolutely looking into counseling (both separate and together) but I wanted to ask if anyone also had any suggestions for good books to read about getting a marriage back on track. I usually find that sort of thing helpful in other areas and thought it might be a good idea for this as well.
Thanks!
Re: Any good "self-help" style books on marriage?
Thanks Stevie. We both tend to hold stuff in and stonewall, which obviously isn't a good way to communicate...you get testier, snarkier, and the vicious circle continues. The good thing is that we've acknowledged it and want to work to change it!
I've actually been married for 8 years, my SIL is getting married tomorrow and I signed into the knot recently when I was doing her programs. I will agree that the first year of marriage can be very, very tough. You are figuring out what your role is as a wife, as a married woman, and as a couple, but also as 2 separate people still. Don't think the next 8 years of your marriage will be this way, lol! We've been very happy together but realistically, every marriage has ups and downs. Right now we're in a "down" but we've been there before and we're willing to do the work to make it better. Good luck!
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I really liked "The Five Love Languages" and "Smart Couples Finish Rich."
While not about marriage, I also found "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" helpful at home as well as professionally. I think they may have actually been more helpful at home than the books about marriage were. To a very large extent, the same principles apply to dealing with your spouse as dealing with your coworkers. I think perhaps the biggest difference is how much more important it is to get things right with your spouse.
Hi, lurker here.
When DH and I did our pre-marital counseling, our counselor recommended a book called "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," by John Gottman. I found it to be extremely interesting and insightful, and would definitely suggest it.
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I read a good one a while back but I got it at a garage sale. It was called Fighting For Your Marriage. Unlike a lot of books it gave concrete things both people can do to make sure you don't reach that breaking point & to bring you back if you are getting close.
It talked about date night, appreciating each other & no brinksmanship (you can't threaten divorce at every little thing; your spouse needs to know the underlying relationship is stronger & more important than the toothpaste cap etc.).
I used a book that is actually an alternative to marriage counseling and it was so helpful that we didn't need marriage counseling after that (we were dealing with my husband's affair). You can find the free version for it on the above website, and see if it helps you and than buy the full version. Hope it helps:
http://how-to-save-marriage.org