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Back from court
Hi ladies.
So court pretty much went as I expected. The judge asked how the current visitation was going and XH said he wanted more time. He sent us out for hallway mediation to see if we could reach an agreement. XH stuck to what he wanted (9am-6pm every Sunday, taking him an hour south to where he lives, with his dad driving). I stuck to what I was comfortable with, unsupervised visits at his grandmother's home or his sisters home. I even said that if he wanted to take P somewhere like McDonalds or the park, that was fine so long as his grandmother or sister drove and P had the appropriate carseat. I said I wanted the stipulation that his visitation be revoked if he failed a drug test. He did agree to that.
Since we did not agree on the visitation terms, they scheduled us for formal mediation in one month, followed by a court date one month after that. XH thinks he will have his license by that point in time so it will be fine. I don't think he realizes that child support is putting a hold on his license because he hasn't paid anything towards his arrears balance but I kept quiet about that detail. I actually said very little, other than what I would agree to or not agree to. XH on the other hand went on and on and on.
"I just want to be a father". "I've screwed up in the past, we all know this but I shouldn't be punished for that now." I'm sure all the mediator heard was "blah, blah, blah".
Anyways, I am slightly disappointed he didn't want to agree to what I proposed since I think it was fair, but I guess it was to be expected.
Thanks so much for the positive vibes ladies! You're the best!
Re: Back from court
Sounds like he was not up for compromise. I am sure when you go to mediation things will get settled.
Ugh, the legal process can be so draining. I cant imagine why a judge would think that another month would cause an epiphany on either of your parts. Goodness knows you've probably been dealing with this for quite some time already.
Fingers crossed this gets resolved soon for you.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
Thank you. I need to keep reminding myself of this going into formal mediation. last time I felt somewhat pressured and I won't let that happen again. I need to do what's right for P.
Achase - do you have any advice about mediation since you've been through it before? I have two sessions scheduled in Feb on visitation/custody and I'm not looking forward to it...and am a little nervous too.
Well, it's been awhile since I've gone but here goes:
I try to bring as much evidence as I can, therefore I won't look like some crazy, overprotective mom. I will have hard proof to back-up why I am making my requests.
I also would say that know what you want the outcome to be going in, and don't waiver. I was wishy washy one time and ended up renegotiating on my stance once we got to court. So we had to start all over again. The mediator isn't your friend, he/she wants you to reach a resolution and be done with it. The mediator I had before was trying to convince me to let XH have unsupervised visits with ONE clean drug test. This was when I KNEW that XH was still on drugs. I worried he'd find a way to get one clean test and then I'd have to let DS go with him, unsupervised. It scared me half to death so I revoked what I'd agreed to.
This time I know what I want and I know that it's reasonable. I'm sticking to it.
I can't think of anything else....PM me or email me if you have anymore questions