Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Those who have filed harrassment charges or have PO's, please enter
As a follow up to my post a few weeks ago about XH contacting me excessively, I've spoken with my lawyer and the police investigator regarding the situation.
After I told XH we should only communicate via email from now on, he sent me TEN more messages in a 45 minute span yesterday (about something that he should not be contacting me regarding anyway)
I am to gather evidence to support my claim that his contact is excessive and that a reasonable person would see it to be unnecessary.
I currently have:
Cell phone records, text message records, FB messages, recorded phone conversations (not sure it's legal to use these though?), and my log.
What else am I forgetting about that could be used as evidence?
What extent of documentation did you have to evidence your claim? I want to be sure without a doubt that this will be enough before I move forward.
.
Re: Those who have filed harrassment charges or have PO's, please enter
Check the laws of your state, it might very well be legal to use the recorded conversations. I live in NC and my STBX lives in UT. Both states only require 1 party consent for recording conversations. I was advised by my previous attorney to record him since he will say things, and then 5 minutes later deny that he's said them. I haven't had to resort to that yet, but it's good to know it's available should I need to do it in the future.
My order is for a different situation, he threatened to beat my face in with a sledge hammer and bury me alive on Thanksgiving as I was driving to his house to drop off the kids.
However, I think as long as you have a record. If any of those messages you ask him to stop contacting you I would suggest you show evidence of that. Check the legal definition of harassment in your state and that should tell you if you have enough information.
What did you have to demonstrate to prove that? XH has told me he'll "blow the fvck up" at me if I do this or do that. I also have walls where the drywall is damaged from him throwing doors open when he was angry with me and a dent in my kitchen stove where he threw an item across the room during a spout of anger. I can't PROVE that he did these things though. I can't prove the things he's said in phone conversations and the like. Things like this are my word against his and I'm guessing that's not enough in the eyes of the law.
I don't think the standard of proof is "proof beyond a reasonable doubt" or anything strict like that (I've volunteered in family court in two different states). Generally, where I volunteered, you had to show a pattern of behavior from the ex (which you can, because of all the phone records), and then testify that you're in fear of him. I'd take pictures of the damaged stuff in your house too, since it supports your claims about his behavior. Generally, judges could issue restraining orders and stuff if they had a "good faith basis" to believe that the allegations made were true, which basically worked out to the judge deciding whose version of events was more likely, based on the evidence. Also, every single time I saw a woman tell the judge she was in fear of physical harm from her husband, the request for an order was granted - no judge wants to be the judge who refused to give a restraining order only to find out that a week later, the guy did exactly what he'd threatened to do, you know?
ETA: I just realized you also asked about harassment charges. Assuming you're talking about criminally prosecuting your ex for harassment, the burden of proof is "beyond a reasonable doubt," but I would think the phone and text message records would suffice to prove that - the frequency of his contacts sounds ridiculously excessive.
Do you have any evidence of physical violence? When I got a temporary order of protection I submitted pictures of holes that XH punched in doors, a doorjam that he separated when he broke through a locked door to get to me, and pictures of the drugs I found in his truck.
I also had record of ten voicemails he'd left me in the span of two hours.
Anything written he might have given you that's threatening?
I also printed out copies of the emails he had sent me.
I have the domestic assault report that I filed back in August. No evidence of physical harm though as I didn't bruise from the incident.
You mentioned things that he ruined/thrashed in your home though. Take pictures of all of that stuff!
In my county, I was able to get a temporary protection order even though there wasn't any actual evidence yet. Have you tried this? Would that possibly make him realize what an asshat he's being? Otherwise, I would do like the PP's have said and take pictures and document everything.
After the TPO was issued, we had to appear in court where I had to argue my case. My situation is a little different though since DD was the actual victim.
Your situation had a very BIG issue at the center of it while mine has all these little, annoying, repetative, thorn in my side type of scenarios that I'm worried will be seen as a bitter XW trying to force her XH out of the picture and keep LO to herself. It's almost as if I have to wait for something big to happen before I can demonstrate he's truly affecting my day to day mentality and life and contacting me for unnecessary reasons.
Speaking of.... another call and text just arrived on my phone from him. Lovely.