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I'm over dating...(long)
So, I've been on EHarmony for a little over a month now. I met one guy, we went on a few dates and he seemed pretty nice, etc. We had chemistry, but I'm not exactly one to sleep around, especially because I'm just getting back into serious dating after the divorce. So, by date 3, we still hadn't slept together (though he stayed over) and I never heard from him again. Whatever...he was a little odd, I didn't feel he really wanted to get to know me, etc, so fine.
SO, met another guy and went out for drinks Tuesday. Had a great time Much better date than the last dude. Had a great first kiss and he offered to make me dinner last night at his place. So...he did. Again, had a great time, great conversation...and things led to us hooking up but I told him I just wasn't going to sleep with him that night. We had both had alot to drink...and he was super flattering to me, etc. to the point where I was like "whoa....this guy is really into me" and it took me back a little. He was supposed to go to dinner the next night (tonight) with his sister and one of his best friends and as we were hooking up, he told me he wanted me to go to dinner, etc. I was like "uh, are you sure?" and he was kind of insistant on it. So, whatever, I said that OK, I would.
This morning, things were great between us (i spent the night at his place). Again...no sex, but he was sweet, lots of cuddling, etc.I was getting ready to go he said "so, we'll probably go to dinner around 8. I'm not sure where were going yet." I said that was fine and just to call me later. He walked me to my car and the said goodbye.
So...it's 7. I sent him a text to ask how his golf game was today a few hours ago, kind of hoping he'd at least say something about did. Nothing. Not a word...
I'm assuming he's written me off, and I'm wondering again if it has to do with sex? Maybe he regretted asking me to dinner and said it in a drunken stupor, but at least don't then suggest it the following morning and then never call me about it?
WTF
Honestly...what's the deal with guys and sex right away? Am I a total prude because I don't whore it out by date 2 or 3? Honestly, I just want to make sure they aren't sleeping with anyone else before I start sleeping with them...and it takes me a little while to "warm it up" if you know what I mean, which maybe frustrates them. I mean, I've been single for a year and a half and have NOT been dating, etc. So...no sex. I need to get my engine working again (well, with the help of others. It works fine when I'm solo if you catch me drift).
What say you SO ladies? Guys.. please chime in. Do I need to sleep with the dude by date 2 so they don't just write me off??
Obviously the guy isn't worth it if this is in fact the case, but seriously...WTF? I thought we had a great time, good chemistry, etc. It comes down to that?
ETA: OK...he just called me. I didn't answer because I missed the call...
He said he's going out with his sister and her friends and it's not quite what he thought it might be. So, I respectually declined and we're hanging out tomorrow night. Conversation went well.
AYAY AY...dating is hard! But still...I want to know about he sex thing from your point of view...
Re: I'm over dating...(long)
I don't date at all so take this for what it's worth.
If you have to give a guy sex (something that you are not comfortable with doing) then he isn't worth it.....Next.
Well, of course not! That was my point. I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with a guy on date 2 or 3...so that's why I get frustated if guys are in it for that!
I was frustrated that this guy didn't call when he said he would...and my mind jumped to the previous dude (who clearly was only in it to try and get sex). This dude DID just call. He was very nice and sweet again. He's coming out to my neck of the woods to meet for dinner, because I've gone out his way both times.
I have noticed that the guys I have met online are super flakey. I'm supposed to have a dinner date with a guy tomorrow night and he hasn't called or texted to tell me the time. So, if I don't hear from him, I'll write him off. I definitely don't get the same sort of bullsh!t when I meet someone in person.
I think what it comes down to is that you need to set rules and boundaries for yourself. If there is even the slightest thing that you don't like about a guy in the beginning, you should decide whether or not that breaks one of your rules.
For example, it's a rule of mine that a guy be good at communication. So, like I said...if this guy doesn't call me early tomorrow, I'm going to refuse the date. It's just manners and I don't like to be left in limbo.
Finally, maybe you should avoid staying over at the guy's place so early on. That might be part of the issue. They feel like if you're sleeping over, you're going to sleep with them. If it's something you're not comfortable with...then don't put yourself in that position to have to say no or even confront the idea of sex too early.
Do you feel like they are pressuring you into sex? From you post it seems like your'e the one bringing up the topic and talking about it with the guys. I would follow PP suggestions and not do dinner at their house so soon and I wouldn't even mention sex... at all. Men will usually follow your lead, unless they're just total douches who are only looking for sex. So if you don't talk about it, they won't either and the good ones will respect you for that.
And I really can't stand it when men are late with calling or making plans, makes me batty! As you date, learn what you'll tolerate and what you won't and hold fast! Have fun too!!!
He called you back, so don't write him off. It seems like you are scared thatnhe may actually like you...
Go out again, tell him how you feel aout sex, relationships, et . If you are going to scare him off, that will do it, you know? Just be up front and wait for the right time. Maybe next time you invite him out. I would also let him know that calling you right before the dinner put you in an awkward position you didnt want to be in.
I say give him the benefit of the doubt.
Meh-I don't really think 3 times in a week (as I'm busy the next few days anyways) is a huge deal? I mean, it's going both ways in terms of contacting/suggesting to get together, so I don't think that's too much. I mean, if I like someone, I want to spend time with them. I don't want it to be all one sided and it's not. I have really enjoyed his company and conversation. I enjoy the conversation alot more than the last guy...and he actually has opened up alot. I feel like he's shared quite a bit more than just surface/date #2 conversation. THe last guy I knew early on that it was probably just a "practice round"
I'm going out of town at the end of the week for a week anyways, so we'll see if we still see each other when I'm back in town.
And yes, I way overanalyze. Heck, the last time I dated was about 7 years ago...alot has changed!
And to answer the below post-I don't feel pressured into having sex, I just felt like I'll be ready to when I'M ready to, which may be later than alot of people. I felt like sex was what the last guy was after for some reason..I couldn't put my finger on it, but I guess it happened to be true.
Ditto achase, as usual. I will say that I've sent a lot of guys packing because they are entirely too into the physical aspect. Um, no. I'm a person, not a piece of tail.
I started dating S about a month ago. I told him right off that if it ever came at all, sex would be a very long time from now (I'm 25. I've slept with one person, and I was married to him). S was very respectful, thanked me for my honesty, and it has never come up again. He respects my boundaries, and is willing to wait as long as it takes.
You are sending mixed messages. If you don't plan on having sex with them before a couple dates DO NOT stay the night at their place. A guy will be confused if you sleep in the same bed but no sex is happening.
Also, if a guy hasn't called you an hour before you're supposed to meet it doesn't mean anything. Some people can be "casual" about times. You might want to dress nice and do your makeup, he might just show up with regular clothes at 7:55pm and then you show up at the place at 8:30pm. What I want to say is don't think too much about it yet. Just tell him that you need confirmation a couple hours before and you don't like being put in limbo.
yeah.... I guess it's just personal preference but I like to take it slowly in the begining ... maybe see them 1 or 2 times a week for awhile before spending the night,etc. I have a tendancy to get attached so this helps me evaluate the person that I am dating. It allows me time to either miss them and think about them or realize that I am not that into them because I don't miss them or think about them. If I don't give myself that time I end up getting too involved too quickly.
I also think it takes away the time I would be spending dating other people, seeing friends, being with my family, working out, etc. I try to keep dating in it's place -- it's just a part of my life. However I am not looking for a relationship right now... just dating casually.
With my ex I spent so much time with him in the begining of our relationship that I lost a lot of who I was as my own person and became wrapped up in "us". I don't want to do this again. Not that you are doing this but it was an issue for me that I don't want to repeat.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.