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BIL issues WWYD?
Sooo, okay. My BIL is an irresponsible 18 year old emo girl trapped in the body of a 30 year old man. Keep that image in your mind. He's got problems - all of his own making - poor decisions that have fundamentally lead him to never grow up. For example, he's in love with a girl who has told him she's just using him for the sex and who doesn't want a relationship and they've been in this holding pattern for the last 5 years. She has a boyfriend. He's all mopey. It's been 5 years of mope. 
For the 4th Christmas in a row, he decided not to make an effort to send presents (he claims they're getting mailed on Monday, I think we'll seem them in March), which really pisses Phil off.
To top it off, he has a substance abuse problem (with several different substances). I mean, yes, he's English and in England and that means a lot of drinking, but it's bad even by their standards, I think. And he simultaneously misses/loves and hates Phil for picking up and leaving England, moving on with his life.
So, that brings you up to date on that set of family dynamics. Now the WWYD part.
We're telling my family about being PG on Christmas... and we want to tell Phil's family too, but a) his brother isn't going to take it well; b) we don't want anyone else to know yet and c) brother has plans to go out drinking in the pub with ALL of Phil's friends and family on Christmas Day (and every day after that). Phil doesn't have much faith that his brother will be able to keep his mouth closed about this, (God knows he can't keep his fly closed when he's drunk, his mouth isn't far behind) but we'd really like to be able to tell his parents at the same time as mine. It doesn't seem right to do it otherwise.
Sooo... any ideas how we should go about handling the situation? I'm kinda in the lets-tell-everyone-and-hope-for-the-best camp, but I also really don't want to put the news out there yet. We considered just telling Phil's parents, but that puts them in an awkward situation, and we don't want the onus to be on them.
Re: BIL issues WWYD?
BFP 5/2/11, missed m/c, D&C 6/13/11
BFP 12/8/11--Little Girl E Born 8/22/12
Yeah, we can't tell just his parents. His brother is living with them for the next two weeks (if he was down in London right now, we wouldn't care, because he wouldn't talk to anyone who knows us), and his parents would be really uncomfortable with the situation... but more importantly, if he found out that we'd told his parents first and NOT told him at the same time (and he would find that out, no question, Phil's parents are bad actors and couldn't fake the reaction at another point or pretend they didn't know already) the proverbial crap would hit the fan. There would definitely be a blow out, and he holds grudges, so we probably wouldn't hear from him again... and that's not something we want either.
So, I can't decide which position I dislike more: losing my one and only BIL (who I do like, in spite of his issues), or losing my privacy in this situation.
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog
I mean I guess you could look at it like this: once you start showing everyone will know anyway. It just sucks that everyone will be in your business at a time where your not comfortable with it.
This will sound really DUH, but I guess you just have to pick what's the least undesirable - (1) not telling both sets of parents at the same time, (2) not telling BIL at the same time as his parents, or (3) everyone knowing about the pregnancy.
How long were you planning to wait before letting it become public knowledge?
ETA: If it's not THAT long until you're comfortable with it being public knowledge, I think I'd just tell all and hope for the best.
Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
Ha! We actually drew up a chart encompassing all the possibilities they could think of and crossed off a few options (like the telling his parents but not BIL) because they really didn't work for us. Deciding which option sucks the least is the hard choice though - because we're uncomfortable with both remaining options. I'm leaning more towards just tossing the dice and letting things fall where they may, because I think BIL can make his own decisions and dig his own grave if he wants. Phil's just depressed and angry about the whole thing, and doesn't want to open himself up to being let down by his brother again.
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog
Then maybe tell them all (IL's and BIL) but make sure Phil tells his brother how important it is, and how much it means to him right now, that BIL keep the news to himself.
We'll just not tell H about this little fact, m'kay?
If it was me, I'd probably tell them all and hope for the best. I have a BIL who I have problems with as well and I've learned that as much as it can suck, sometimes it's easiest to treat him like I treat everyone else in the family.
If you do tell him, I would ask him not to share the news with others, but be prepared for him to share the news anyway.