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Am I Overreacting?
Last night I had plans to go rock climbing with the guy I'm seeing. In the morning I got a text telling me they laid off a bunch of people at his firm, but he wasn't one of them. Then at 4pm I get a text saying he hates to do this but he's canceling climbing to go have drinks with co-workers, but he still wants to see me later. I respond around 4:30 saying it's fine Im beat anyway and then again at 6:30 telling him he's welcome to come out to my place later.
I don't hear from him at all until 10:30 with a text saying it's late now.. see you sunday (we are going to a holiday party).
I could care less that he canceled to go out for drinks, but I'm annoyed that I didn't hear from him again until 10:30. I kinda expected to see him at some point and left most of my evening free for that reason.
AW: Just had to add this to the original post. I just got a text from him saying. Sorry about last nite. I really wanted to see you, but didn't want to show up wasted and I was.
Re: Am I Overreacting?
Yeah... he really didn't think of your time or feelings in that regard. I can understand being shaken up by a lay off at work(even if you are not one of them) and want to hang with some co-workers.
I don't want to jump into conclusion... not sure if this is the case where he should have just canceled the night but was not sure how the night will play out or if he very well knew that he was not coming over but didn't want to say that.
I would keep my eyes wide open for any further behaviors where he is not showing considerations for your time.
I think he may have had a lot on his mind with the thought of almost being unemployed. Perhaps the night slipped away. Hopefully he's more clear minded today and will respond accordingly to his lack of consideration for last night.
I might just bring it up casually, if anything.
I would tell him that you know he had a hard day, but please make sure in the future he communicates better. It is not fun/ok for you to sit around all night waiting. You don't have to chew him out, but don't brush it off like it was nothing, it bothered you and he should know.
Even if this has never happened before it is important to at least let him know it is not acceptable. It just lets him know you will not be strung along in the future.
Ditto all of this, especially the bold part. You don't want to set a precedent that you're okay with this when you're not (nor should you be IMO).
Yep. If this ends up being a one-time thing, then so be it. I ignored red flags like this when STBX and I were dating and he ended up being this kind of flagrant jackass our entire 8.5 years of marriage. Now he's doing this same crap to our kids (scheduling Skype sessions and never showing up, even though he knows our 5 year old is waiting at the computer for him to sign on). No one's time is ever as important as his. Just a cautionary tale for you. This was clearly a special circumstance, so it may never happen again, but just keep an eye on it. I wish I hadn't ignored those red flags.
But I didn't read any firm commitment either way. He didn't know you were keeping your night open - as I said, you left it at "i'm beat". I wouldn't think you were purposely leaving your plans open.
A bunch of his coworkers just lost their jobs. I'm sure he lost track of time, and probably at 10:30, based on your prior texts, thought there is a good chance you'd be asleep anyhow.
If this is the ONLY incident like this so far, chill out and just let it go.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This.
This is a situation where "I get it," - his co-workers are let go, it was last minute, and this is his chance to be with them probably for the last time. BUT I also agree that keeping you hanging was uncool. Even if he was wasted, he could have sent you a text saying "sorry, I'm not going to be able to get out of here."
IMO, you will get more respect with this than by being "the understanding girlfriend," because you ARE understanding about the circumstances, but not about how you were eventually treated.