Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Helpless...
My marraige is falling apart. I am at a loss at what to do. We have gone to marraige counseling and individial counseling. We have talked nd tried not talking. I want to do everything I can that to make our marraige work but my husband is ready to throw in the towel. Please help....
Re: Helpless...
How long have you gone to counseling?
What are the major probelms?
Why do you want to be married to someone who obviously doesnt?
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I don't want to hurt your feelings but the plain fact is, a marriage can NOT work if only one person, if only one person wants it.
I know it's scary to think of being alone, and starting all over, but is this really worse than living in a sham of a marriage, with someone that you know doesn't want you?
Sometimes, life just doesn't work out, the way we planned.
He says he still loves me and wants to be with me he just doesnt know how to work through all of our issues. We have trust issues... lots of them. Insecurities, anger guilt, denial. We just recently started with the marriage counseling but he didnt like the counselor so I dunno if we will go back. He is basically looking at divorce because he doesnt know what else to do or think things could ever get better.
I was where he was about 4 months ago and he convinced me things would get better and to stay in the marraige and I did and started going to counseling. Now I am all in and ready to work at it and he is the one backing out.
So, he loves you, but cant be bothered going to counseling.
Translate...I dont want to be married, you arent worth fighting for and there is no use trying anything else (not that he tried anything)
Go see a lawyer.
He is giving you a very mixed message. He's claiming he wants to work through the issues but he's resistant to counseling.
What you need to do:
Sit down with him and tell him if he's serious about you and your marriage -- try another counselor; sometimes it just isn't a good fit between the counselor and clients ---- he will attend and keep going to counseling with you and that's starting immediately; if he won't go with you without hesitation, lawyer up.
it takes 2 to work on an issue, not one.
What is the nature of the trust issues? Do you think counseling was beneficial? Have you brought any of this up in your individual counseling?
I can't understand what kind of answers you're looking for here. Are you looking for some kind of magic words or secret marriage serum you haven't tried yet?
Xh was ready to throw in the towel and pretty much did. Then a couple of months later he decided we could try couples counseling. I was already in ind. counseling and he tried it once and gave up. Basically I (the one who wanted to do anything in the world to make the marriage work) ended up having to call it quits because he was saying he wanted to work on it and make it better but it was just words and not actions. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and never thought I would get over it. But, I did get over it and am happier than I've ever been.
Come back here as often as you want/need to - the ladies on this board will support you at times and give you a kick in the butt when you need it. If you're up for it, it's a great place to be during a difficult time.
Does he not know how to work through your issues or does he not want to work through your issues? Because those are two very different things. For most couples, getting through tough times requires finding a counselor you are both comfortable with, seeing her/him on a regular basis and following suggestions from her and from other people you trust. Pretty simple. Very difficult. Absolutely doable if you are both willing.
Methinks he won't like a new counselor if they were to switch.
How long have you been having these troubles? And how did they all start?
It's amazing how that works... isn't it. This guy will miraculously find every crappy therapist known to man.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes