DD! What the hell!

Motzie · December 2011

Ok, you little brat, I'll give you the short version. Apologize to your H because he is right here. Your parents are irresponsible, yet somehow entitled azzholes. Yes, I think marriage counseling could work here, if you are willing to realize that you've gone a bit too far here and you need to set some major boundaries with your parents. Are you really willing to further ruin your marriage because of your parents irresponsibility?

Also, your sister is a dumbazz.

riiskybusiness · December 2011

I seriously could not believe her sister's suggestion, and the fact that it "worked" on her husband.

BettyBookworm · December 2011

riiskybusiness:
I seriously could not believe her sister's suggestion, and the fact that it "worked" on her husband.

Dammit I missed it! Can I get a recap or screen shot?

XSailoretteX · December 2011

BettyBookworm:
riiskybusiness:
I seriously could not believe her sister's suggestion, and the fact that it "worked" on her husband.
Dammit I missed it! Can I get a recap or screen shot?

I did too! And I've been lazy all day and stuck here like drama on the TTGP board.

BettyBookworm · December 2011

XSailoretteX:
BettyBookworm:
riiskybusiness:
I seriously could not believe her sister's suggestion, and the fact that it "worked" on her husband.
Dammit I missed it! Can I get a recap or screen shot?
I did too! And I've been lazy all day and stuck here like drama on the TTGP board.

LOL!

DaringMiss · December 2011

She has left the post up on Family Matters. You can comment there.

Motzie · December 2011

Recap: OP's parents have been having money problems for years, including actively not working and not looking for work, allowing OP and her H (and I'm guessing her sister and her H too??) to support them. Parents are now expecting things to be paid for and OP's H is sick and tired of it. He wants to talk to the parents but she thinks that will make things worse. Also her sister told her to give her H an ultimatum of "take it or leave it, this is how it's always going to be" because that totes worked in her marriage. OP was wondering if marriage counseling might work for them.

I knew it would be DD'd, I just didn't think it would be that fast.

Motzie · December 2011

MsPiggy37:

I apologize in advance for the long post but did not want to leave important details out. I am hoping to get some insight on this serious issue that has been going on way too long. My DH and I have been married a little over a year, but been together (not living) for almost 5. About 3 years ago my parents reached an all time low financially to the point that they almost lost their house. At the time I was living with them and I helped out as much as I could. At one point, I was the only one working in the family (I had one sister also living at home) and supporting everyone with the help of my older sister who lives out of town. My DH (then fianc?e) helped me when I asked him to, which I only did as a last resort. Especially during the year before the wedding, there were a couple of times when he helped us pay a couple of bills.

As you can imagine, this problem has gotten worse since we got married. Even though my dad was able to get a low-paying job, my mom has not worked for about 3 years, and has almost refused to do so. She suffers from a lot of depression and she honestly needs a lot of help that we have not been able to give her. We think she is doing better though since she went back to school and is working on getting licensed in her field. She will be graduating next year and will hopefully get a job soon after that. She could be working now since she only goes to school part-time but again, she has not been actively looking for a job. This is not something we can control since we have all tried many times.

DH has been fed up with my family for a while now. He doesn?t understand why it has been so long since they have been in the same financial position, almost as if they do not care that me and my sister continue to help them. We have given them a lot of money during this past year alone. DH is not exactly the most giving person so this has been very difficult for him. Recently, I have noticed that his resentment towards my family, especially my mother has gotten worse. He tells me that he doesn?t feel appreciated. One example he gives me is that for his birthday, my parents did not even bother to give him a birthday card. He understands that they are in no position to buy him a gift, but he says a card would have shown him that they at least cared. I made the mistake of telling this to my mom only to hurt her feeling as she reminded me that she doesn?t like to give a card to someone when she can?t afford a gift because to her that would be even more embarrassing. I don?t blame my DH on this one, but I can?t really change the way my mom thinks.

We fight almost every day over this. He says it is not the money we continue to give them. It?s the fact that he feels he has no control because I will continue to give them whatever I want. With Xmas shopping in the works, I have not exactly stayed on budget with them mainly because my older sister kind of suckered me into getting our younger sister a really pricey gift together(she really needs a new laptop since she is still in school). Also, since they can?t afford it right now, we are paying for their tickets to the New Year?s Eve party we are attending this year. He wants me to include the party as part of their Xmas budget, which of course would be forcing me to get them really cheap gifts, which I don?t want to do. I told him I was willing to compromise by not getting them expensive gifts, but I still wanted to give them a nice gift besides the party. He is really upset about the fact that they feel entitled to everything we give them. For example, they did not even offer to pay part of the tickets for the party. They just kind of assumed that we are paying for them. I did not ask them directly if they were going to pay for their own tickets because I know how tight they are. If they want to save for it and give me the money later (which DH thinks will definitely not happen) then I will take it then. I rather assume that I need to pay for them and not cause any more drama (you should note that when my parents were well off, they paid for everyone one new year?s eve, including DH?s parents).

I really have no idea what to do at this point. My sister recently gave me the advice of telling him that I am tired of fighting and he just needs to accept that this is the way it will continue to be, or just leave me (this is what she did with her DH and it worked). Even though I don?t believe in divorce (except for very unique and unavoidable situations) I was desperate the other night when we were fighting until 3 in the morning and I gave him the ultimatum. Just tonight he told me he has been thinking about it a lot and he was ready to tell me that accepting it was not an option, but that he spoke to his sister (who used to be a therapist) and that she recommends we go see a marriage counselor. I am really upset that he told everything to his sister because I did not want his family knowing everything that has been going on, but I can?t really blame him because he needed advice and has no one else to talk to. I trust that his sister won?t say anything to his parents, because then the relationship between his parents and mine would get even worse. But that?s another story.

PLEAS HELP! I feel like I am the middle of a rock and a hard place!! What do you think I should do? He wants to talk to my parents himself and voice all of his concerns but I am afraid that will make things worse knowing the way my parents will take it. So that is not an option. I am also hesitant about going to a marriage counselor because I read of the dangers of doing so here: http://www.smartmarriages.com/hazardous.html Do you think that counseling is a good idea in this situation?

Ta-da! Thanks DaringMiss!

XSailoretteX · December 2011

It amazes me that out of all of those poor decisions, she thinks that going to counseling would be the worst.

StatlerWaldorf · December 2011

She needs to take responsibility for herself. Her parents are not ruining her marriage. She was not "suckered" into anything. I can't see marriage counseling working until she takes responsibility for her own actions.

Jessimau · December 2011

XSailoretteX:
It amazes me that out of all of those poor decisions, she thinks that going to counseling would be the worst.

Well clearly therapists are out to destroy marriages one session at a time!

I'm surprised that this woman's husband continues to put up with her. I want to yell at her for this "I must spend more on my parents!" attitude and it's not my money. I'm also floored that these people get to go to a NYE party when they don't have money and barely work. DH and I don't have much extra cash, so we're not going to any fancy NYE party. That's how life works.

doglove · December 2011

Motzie:

Recap: OP's parents have been having money problems for years, including actively not working and not looking for work, allowing OP and her H (and I'm guessing her sister and her H too??) to support them. Parents are now expecting things to be paid for and OP's H is sick and tired of it. He wants to talk to the parents but she thinks that will make things worse. Also her sister told her to give her H an ultimatum of "take it or leave it, this is how it's always going to be" because that totes worked in her marriage. OP was wondering if marriage counseling might work for them.

WOW.

nmeirose · December 2011

is the op Kim Kardashian?

broccolitree · December 2011

Something tells me that her issuing that ultimatum will work out in her H's favor. lol.

8daysaweek · December 2011

Good for her husband for not falling for her ultimatum. I can't believe she has the audacity to be upset that he told his sister about their problems when she's getting advice from her sister about the ultimatum.

She's a piece of work.

julie324 · December 2011

WTF? So, she is okay with her parents using them and being moochers? Why do her parents have to know if they go to counseling? This post makes me so angry on her husband's behalf. Why should they pay for NYE party tickets? Her husband should leave now!

XSailoretteX · December 2011

But think what an awesomely low bar she's setting for her DH's next wife? That is going to be a woman who doesn't have to work too hard to impress.

DD! What the hell!

Re: DD! What the hell!

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