Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Is this something serious or nothing at all?
So like many men, my husband loves football and not just the games but also fantasy football. But he doesn't just watch his team, he watches every game. It is really starting to bug me. I am all for him having interests and having time to do his thing, but it totally is becoming too much. I spend many nights sitting alone by myself while he watching the games. In the off season, he fills his time with sitting on the computer surfing the internet. Is is too much to ask to spend less time watching tv or on the computer? When I speak to him about it, he just says it's his way to not think about work, making money etc... I say to him, well you can talk to me about whatever is bothering you because I don't know about it unless you tell me. Why if he knows it bothers me, why is he continuing to watch the games? All I want is to spend some time with him. Is that too much to ask? When I bring it up, he just gets annoyed with me and tells me I'm being selfish... I really don't know what to do, I feel like I am at my wit's end!
Re: Is this something serious or nothing at all?
If he did it before you two got married then, yeah, you are being selfish to want him to change, because you should have expected him to be the same.
But if it a new habit that just started or got worse, then it is something serious that needs to be addressed.
Why can't you watch it with him?
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Maybe the best thing to do is act like it doesnt bother you at all. Entertain yourself. And a time is gonna come where he is going to wanna be cuddley and all up under you...and when it does happen kinda brush him off and say "gimme a minute, I'm pinning pics on my boards"
Everyone has their own way of decompressing after the day is done..but his seems a little hurtful.
There is one thing to watch a little football. I LOVE football but really only watch a game or two. If your H is spending every waking min. watching there is a serious problem!
How many hours a week is he watching? You say he is watching every game, is that pro and college?
Is he gambling?
I think we need to know how much "every game" exactly means before we make a good suggestion.
This seems like a bigger problem than football. My FI loves football and can watch it all day Sunday, but he doesn't neglect me or our time together. It sounds like your DH is just not there for you emotionally/physically and maybe never has been if he has always been like this.
Have you talked to him about how you feel?
There's nothing wrong with your husband enjoying watching football, but there is something wrong in the fact that he's ignoring you completely. I'm less concerned about the football season issues and more concerned about what you said about him being on the Internet in the off season instead of talking to you.
The problem here is that when your husband comes home at night he immediately goes on to doing something else that doesn't involve you. He doesn't care that it bothers you because it doesn't seem like he wants to be all that connected with you. This is a communication problem, in that one person is doing the talking and one person is checking out.
Don't address this as, "my husband likes football more than me." Address it instead as, "my husband and I don't communicate and he's avoiding the issue."
Why can't he act like a normal human being and turn off the tv/computer and just hang out with his wife?
I don't think it's fair to suggest that she buy into his lack of consideration and spend time doing something she doesn't enjoy just because her H refuses to meet her halfway. And eff that noise... imoan's not watching football.
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This. My husband is also sports obsessed, but we've been able to strike a balance. (Though I still won't watch football.) But the fact that he doesn't value your feelings is troubling. Has he always been this way, or has it gotten worse? If it's gotten worse, then maybe try to get him to go to a couple of counseling sessions to get him to talk through what the real issues are. And if it's always been this way, well, it ain't gonna change.
With fantasy football, you make a "team" with different players from all over the NFL. Your team gets points based on how well they play in their games that week. So, with that in mind, I get why he'll watch multiple games every Sunday. My FI is a HUGE football fan.He loves college and NFL football. He gets up early on Saturdays to watch ESPN Gameday. Hell, we planned our wedding around football season (I like football too). The thing is, he doesn't love the game so much that he neglects me. Even before we started talking marriage, KAnde always trumped football.
Has your H always been this way? Have you talked to him about how you feel? And what's this BS about him being equally distant during the off season? It doesn't sound like this is about football at all, but more about him not making your feelings and needs a priority in your marriage.
Is he unwilling to work out a compromise altogether? Like, Saturday or Sunday is football day, or (less ideally) to plan dates or together time around his must-watch games?
I think there's some information missing here, but if you've genuinely made an effort to talk to him and ask him to restrict his viewing habits in a manner that isn't unreasonable (like, banning football games fullstop would be unreasonable) then yeah, it's an issue.
I'd figure out what you actually want to do together. In some peoples minds sitting with you and watching tv is no different than him watching his shows and you doing whatever because it both cases you're really not talking or sharing your time. He might think it's ridiculous to be sitting with you staring at a screen when he could be watching his football. So what do you want him to do with you? figure that out and then let him know.
"H I need to spend more time with you. Lets start having dinner together every night and let's start going for walks after dinner, then you can watch your show after the walk" or ""H I need to spend more time with you, I feel disconnected. I don't mind that you watch your games but let's start having dinner every night and I need a date night (one night a week of just me and you hanging out)"
I love (college) football. I could spend every Saturday parked on the couch...but I have other priorities that take precedence. If BF wants to run errands or take the dogs to the park, then I go with him. He knows that there's really only one game I like to watch every week, and he adjusts his schedule accordingly. My BF is not a football fan, but he's perfectly happy to give me those three hours of couch time. He sits next to me and plays a video game. We talk and snuggle while the game is on. If we're not doing anything particularly important, I'll turn a game on for background noise, and after a while I'll cede the remote to him so he can watch a movie. I guess what I'm saying is, we compromise and adjust so that both of us are happy. We each have our interests that the other doesn't necessarily like, but we still spend time together.
Have you attempted to make plans for the two of you that don't involve football? Or do you just remove yourself to another room to stew about it? I mean, if there's nothing better to do, I'm gonna turn a game on, but if we made dinner plans, I wouldn't think twice about turning the game off. If your H is blowing off date nights to watch some random football game, then I do think you have a problem. If this is just him watching football because it fills the time, then I think he's just bored. Instead of complaining about it, come up with some ideas to spend quality time together.
Honestly, I think this is just a communication issue. All he hears is you complaining, and all you see is him not changing his behavior. Offer some solutions and you might actually get somewhere. And ask him for some ideas as well - some not involving football.
I think you need to modify how you approach this. Instead of saying, I hate that you watch football all the time why not tell him, I wish we spent more time together. And then ask him to set aside time for you guys to hang out no tv, no internet.
My H is also a football nut, so I started playing fantasy and now also watch most of the games with him. We don't watch all the sunday night, monday night, thursday night games but watch them on a fairly regular basis.
My XFI progressively through our relationship spent more time on the computer than with me and would act like I'm being selfish if I want to spend quality time with him. It just kept getting worse and worse. Note, he is my ex.
I have similar questions as other posters - was he always like that?
DH and I play fantasy football together and spend most of Sunday watching the games that are on, unless they're teams we don't care about. However, we don't do it to the exclusion of one another. It seems like there's something else going on. Either he's an overgrown man-child who doesn't get that having a wife means spending time together or he's pulling away (if this is a recent development).
Information on how long this has been going on would be helpful.
Based on what info she has given us I haven't made any snap judgements. I just don't understand why she has to be alone because he is sports obcessed. There are other things to life. FIL is like this and MIL throws parties and entertains while FIL is watching his games. So I am wondering why she lets him ruin her day? And what exactly makes it so they can't be in the same room during the game?
Let me make it clear that I do not and would not date, much less marry, someone that is into sports. It's on my list of instant turn offs. But to each it's own.
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Have you tried not complaining and watching it with him sometimes?
Most guys will continue to zone out the more you nag at them.
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