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my relationship is at a make it or break it point
For the last couple of months I've been trying to get back to my old self. I slipped in to a state of depression mostly due to the bc pills I was on and I had a lot of stressers, i.e. school, mom's breast cancer. I love Z very much but have been in a I'm not sure if this is "the one" state of mind. Some of which has to do with the fact that this is my first real relationship since my separation in 2008. Here is where things got kind of sticky:
For those of you who know my back story you know that XH is not in either of our lives and chooses not to be. Sunday Z and I had a few hours of alone time at his place. My step-dad, brother and brother's gf all kind of watched DS for me so I could go. While I was gone DS asked my step dad, "where's daddy....eh Z? Where's Z?" It kind of threw my step-dad and myself when he told me. So I told Z about it and he was actually really happy. He said he was glad that DS could feel that way about him. He also asked my feelings and opinion on it. I told him it scared me alittle because of where we stand as we have not had that conversation yet about our future. At the same time I'm glad that he can have someone to look up to in that role since my greatest fear is that he would never have a "daddy" like other kids do.
Then we went on to have this discussion of our future. I told him that I do love him but that I still have my own issues to sort out before even talking about marriage. He also admitted to fault on his communication as well. We agreed that whatever issues either have, since this is his first serious relationship as well, that we would work them out together. I couldn't find the exact question book that PIP suggested as well as some others but did find another book of questions for couples that has some pretty deep questions to exchange with each other on the topics of our relationship, relationship with others such as family, hopes/dreams, and sex. I also invited him to one of my counseling sessions with me.
Any other suggestions are welcomed. I know that Z is the right person for me and my family also agrees after the losers that I've dated in the past. I just really have to get through my own insecurities first.
Re: my relationship is at a make it or break it point
I think it's great that you two are communicating like this. I don't have much to add but I would say that him going to a counseling session with you would be a great thing. Did he agree to go? I also think the book of questions will help you learn a lot about each other and long term compatability.
He said that it's a possibility. He didn't completely rule it out. I think he is more interested in just getting us talking about things and really opening up to each other.
Yes I am. I have been for awhile but like I said, this is my first real/serious relationship since my XH. She has been a world of help. In my previous relationships she has been quick to say, "Dump him, he treats you badly, he is inconsiderate, and you don't need it." With Z she has approved greatly and had been helping by giving me "homework" or things to try to see if it helps.
PM me your email and I will send you a copy of the e-book that FF and I are going through. The 1000 questions really leaves no rock unturned.
I'm glad to hear you two are having open communication -- that's a great first step in the right direction.
Could you possibly send this to me as well? motwinmomma@gmail.com
Sent!
I feel this way sometimes too. I know I have a gem of a guy & I think he is it - but I also feel scared of marriage again.
I plan to see a counselor again soon, but otherwise, I try to live in the moment as much as possible instead of trying to plan my life out.