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Forecasting...
SIL is pregnant. We found out just after Thanksgiving.
Prior to this, DH and I were planning a great weekend getaway with his parents. Just the 4 of us enjoying ourselves on the lake, sailing around etc. But, I just learned that the baby is due the day before we are scheduled to leave.
I already know that MIL will refuse to go anywhere. I'm ok with that. If I were pregnant I would want my mom around too.
But - since DH and I have an awful relationship with SIL, I personally think we should go ahead and go ourselves.
My ? for you all is - how would you feel if your B and SIL took a vacation when your child was being born? We consider our "relationship" to be non existent, We are only cordial to each other when around others, and when not around others we simply avoid each other. Thoughts? I very much doubt anything will change between now and then in our relationship - - if that helps.
Re: Forecasting...
If you don't have a relationship with her why do you care what she thinks?
I would not expect someone that I'm not close with to stay in town for the birth of my child. With that said, will it cause hard feelings with your MIL & FIL? Does it matter to you if it does?
I should have said that. They are sensitive to situations like this. It's their grandchild from their princess!
I have come to the conclusion it is not whether I care or not that matters. Its whether or not they will care.
I love posting a question, and then answering it myself.
I'd push it up or back a month to avoid the drama. The ILs will be out no matter what.
As for your current plans - these expected birth dates are so unreliable, that you can go ahead as planned. There is a tremendous amount of swing, it might not be an issue. If she goes as you go - it doesn't sound like much of a loss. Visit upon your return, if you are welcome.
This. I think it's ridiculous to expect anyone to schedule their life around the birth of a family member's child. I didn't expect anyone to do that for me, and I would not change plans for such a thing.
Why would you need to be around, even if you were on good terms with them? I mean, having a phone available would be good so you can hear the news. But what else are you going to do - sleep at the hospital with them?
My advice, though, is to follow your DH's lead. What does HE think? What does HE want to do?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
You are going for a weekend NOT a month!
What do you think the chances are that she will have the baby 1 day late? You have a 90% chance of being around when she has the baby. I certainly would NOT change my plans for her or my MIL.
I would tell MIL now that you are keeping your weekend plans. Let her be upset or not, but if you continue to let her maipulative behaviors direct your life choices you are letting the monster continue to grow.
How far away is this "getaway?" Is there cell phone service?
Personally, I would go as planned. None of my ILS came to see me at the hospital, and I was ok with that (I had plenty of visitors from my side as well as friends). I would not have thought twice about someone planning a trip on my due date, but that's me!
I'm very close to my brother and sister, and yet I wouldn't be upset if they couldn't rush to the hospital because they already had long-standing plans. I wouldn't expect them to schedule their lives around my personal life choices. Plus MH and I aren't the types who want a lot of visitors in the hospital, especially right when I'm giving birth (if anyone's going to come visit I'd rather it be hours later or the next day).
I'd only be upset if I called to let them know about the baby and I got no response or an uninterested response, and I'd be upset if they didn't make an effort to come see us once they got home.
3 Hours away - just for the weekend - and the only chance there wouldn't be service is if we happened to be out in the very middle of Lake Michigan - - possibly. But I doubt it even then.
I know we shouldn't let the monster grow, but I wonder if keeping the peace is worth the heartache afterward. Since the majority of you are all saying go - especially since we hate each other - then I'll keep my plans. Its fun and we have enough on our plate - we'll need the vacation.
Would you be upset because you are close to your B and S now, or are you saying that you would be upset either way - with a bad relationship or not?
When she became engaged, she text everyone saying she was - DH responded with a "congratulations." - - . She was PO'd that he wasn't happy enough for her. Another fight broke out and that's when Dh threw in the towel.
When she text us the picture of her positive stick results a year later (almost to the day - not joking) - DH again said only "congratulations" and nothing more was said.
So we are now uninterested in everything involving her. We avoid her actually - because it feels like by avoiding her we avoid drama.
This is a chick you'll NEVER win with. I wouldn't change a thing about my life to appease her. OR my IL's for her. And this is osmething you need to let your DH handle. If you still go, if his parents get upset, HE needs to handle it.
At it's simplest, it's "mom, babies are unpredictable and it's only a weekend. We'll see the baby soon enough".
If he wants to be more honest, then he just needs to say "Mom, the fact is we aren't close and we aren't going to be anytime soon. I'm not going to rearrange my life for her. Sorry that this upsets you, but it is what it is. I'm not jumping through hoops for her.".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
not that i want a kid but if i did (just going on experience of other moms i know) i wouldn't want anyone around for a while except really close friends and family, not a parade of people coming through my house to meet the baby that i'm not close iwth.
the baby will be around for a while. for one weekend go and have fun and meet the baby when its convenient for all of you.