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Help me
OK so I haven't been able to work out in months (doctor's orders) other than walking on the treadmill. I've never been comfortable with my weight/tone (or lack of). Now it's the holidays and I'm eating worse than I normally do but much better than anyone else I know. I was feeling really bad about it last night, thinking about how soon we're going on vacation and I will be wearing a bathing suit. Not that there's even time at this point to do anything about it, but even if there was time, I'm not supposed to be doing it.
So, last night BF wants to know what's wrong so I tell him. Then it gets him upset when I'm upset with something about my looks. I am completely incapable of lying or not showing my emotions. I would love to be comfortable with my body as it is, but I can't seem to get there.
What should I do? (I feel like I'm writing to Dear Abby or something!)
Re: Help me
I wish I could answer this question for you, I struggle with it as well. I know that doing things to take care of myself help my self image - like eating healthy and working on and wearing flattering clothes. Could you track your calories on something like sparkpeople/myfitnesspal?
I lost something like 55 pounds with just reducing my calorie intake alone and walking the dog 2 times a day. I added in higher intensity workouts after I lost the weight.
I have tried sparkpeople but it just makes me feel worse. I don't eat a lot, but I eat often. And I eat when I'm hungry, not just out of boredom so I don't feel I can cut down much. They didn't give me many calories so then I just got depressed instead of motivated when I saw I went over. The thing is I was pretty active with working out until about the last 6 months. I lost lots of weight before and have gained some of it back. People keep telling me they think I look better than I did at my goal weight. I am seriously just disgusted by my fat. (And I know I'm not fat). I just wish I could quit being obsessed with it and just be comfortable with who I am. I know that when I was at my goal weight, I was also very depressed and all I did was go to the gym. I know that being happy and being social will not get me back to that weight.
Can you tell me a little more about your restrictions?
I've had weird abdominal pain that they haven't been able to figure out. I've been to the ER once for it and was on hydrocodon for a while for it. Now they think since they haven't been able to figure it out that it must be muscular-skeletal (I'm sure I butchered the spelling there).
I asked when I went a couple of weeks ago if I should still not be working about and she said I could start to do more stuff but nothing that works your core. I feel like any exercises I do engage my core.
I also struggle with this, so if you find an answer, please let me know. My BF also gets upset when I get down on myself, which tends to happen right around the start of my period or after I've eaten something bad. I've seen a therapist about my obsessive negative thoughts, but nothing changed for me. I'm afraid that it's just so ingrained in me that it will always be there.
Crabby, have you ruled out Celiac? I can't remember.
I like to dig out pictures of myself from HS or college and say, "Ha! I thought I was fat then! What I wouldn't give to look like that now!" Then all you need to do is think about how much worse you'll look in another 20 years compared to today, and all of a sudden today doesn't seem so bad.
In semi-seriousness, after many years of wishing and longing for one, the idea of having a "perfect" body became admittedly unattainable once I hit my mid-30s. So I'm happy with my health and everything else I have going on in my life. I want to maintain a healthy weight, but healthy weight is totally compatible with a few smooshy spots at any age.
I can't add anything constructive except for a giant hug.
Changing a mindset you know is off, but still feeling it regardless... that's difficult.
Positive self-talk can help so much, though. Each and every time you start to do the negative internal dialogue, tell that internal debbie downer to stfu and give her a big punch in the ovary. Seriously. You're awesome.
Have you looked at the sparkpeople motivation side recently. I know it's taken me 4 'new starts' to actually start doing anything but that may be able to help even if you don't track your food there.
Yes - that was ruled out a month or 2 ago
I have not but I will check it out.
You're thinking an awful lot about you you you. You. You and your feelings, you and your muscular/skeletal pain, you and your eating habits, you and your treadmill, you and how you're going to look in a swimmming suit and what other people are all going to be thinking of how you look in your bathing suit and you and your emotions and you and you. And you're getting an awful lot of attention with all of this and all your emotions that omg you just cannot hide no matter what. Chronic pain does this to a person.
You have a medical problem that you and no one else can define or fix. It is clearly not fatal. Not cancer; or AIDS; not bacterial meningitis; not tuberculosis; just pain of idiopathic origin. Ah well. Sucks, but that's the deal, right? You CAN treadmill; and you're doing that; and you're eating ok (could be better, but sure could be worse). You're not repulsive (except for the tiny bit of self absorption about your physical problem); if you were repulsive you would not have a boyfriend. Right? Get a swimming suit that fits and is a nice color, and have a good time on your vacation. And quit thinking about how you look. Get yourself some little dumbbells and try them out while you're treadmilling, if you can; or do some arm exercises (surely you can move your arms) and gradually increase what it is you CAN do.
Nothing is more unpleasant or offputting than someone who complains about how ugly/fat/outofshape they are. After a while it gets to be like digging for compliments, which is also not charming. This is one of those fake it till you make it kind of things. Do your hair nice, put on clean, pressed, nice clothes; put on some makeup, and smile; and go out there and knock em dead.
I had a kid so I'm floppity in places and stretchmarkity in places, but I'm sexier than I have been in years. I have lost some weight through extra exercise and infant tossing, but the number on the scale or on my waistband is irrelevant. I'm sexy because I'm confident. I have noticed that I feel sh*tty this week though, because my diet is roughlyhalf cookies, lol.
One thing I 'd suggest that makes a big difference is, if at all, to takea a walk or just spend some extra time outdoors. Winter where you live is seriously,honestly oppressive, and an extra shot of vitamjn D works wonders ime.
This is SO TRUE.
Since you're limited in exercise, your only real option is to change how you eat. Can you tell us what your current diet is like? There may be places you can cut calories that you haven't thought of.
Also, you can certainly walk, so that's where I'd start. Take your lunch break or a half hour after work and find somewhere indoors that you can walk briskly for thirty minutes to an hour. It will make a big difference in how you feel.
Also you can change your eating so you get more bang for your buck (so to say) when you do eat. Replacing snacks/meals with ones that have higher protein/fiber will keep you fuller for longer periods of time.
Typically I have a bowl of cereal in the morning, a yogurt as a midmorning snack, a PBJ, apple or banana and animal crackers for lunch. I usually have a midafternoon snack as well, either fruit or a fiber one bar. Dinner varies of course but we buy lower calorie of just about everything we use to cook with.
For me, my weight is not just about how I look but also being in control. Which kind of explains why I had an eating disorder way back when. It makes me feel good to say no to cookies, to work out, so I can get how losing that might make you feel blah in more ways than just weight loss. And its also not the number on the scale, but how I feel, how my clothes fit, etc.
It sounds like a lot of your self worth and free time were tied up in working out. You need to find something to fill that hole; volunteering, quality time with friends, crafting, quality time with BF or family. My quality of life is much better since I made a conscious decision to start calling me out of town friends at least twice a week just to catch up.
Then you need to figure out some small things you can do to make you feel healthy and therefore good. What are your eating habits normally? I don't count calories, it makes me depressed, and I don't compare what I eat to what other people eat. I also don't do the weigh ins that a lot of other boards do re. weight loss. But, I get personal satisfaction from eating well. We cut out almost all processed food and make from scratch, I experiment with healthy recipes, pack my lunch including snacks, don't keep candy or cookies in the house (this week at work has been rough!) and I get a little boost every time I am really hungry in my car and purposely drive past the McDonalds to the Subway.
Honestly it's less about caring what other people think I look like and more about the fact that I can't stand it. More about me, right?
And it's not like I go around talking to everyone I see about it. I don't talk to anyone but BF about it and only when he asks. I am definitely not digging for compliments. He compliments me all the time, but compliments don't make me feel better. I know how he sees me. I just wish I could see myself the same way.
So your problem is more the underlying issue of your sense of self-worth. I ditto whoever mentioned positive reinforcement and affirmation - you need to try some motivational exercises so that you can see how awesome you are. Everyone else knows it...what will it take to convince you?