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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Dealing with crazy family members
Anyone have any good coping tips for getting through the holidays while seeing crazy family members who will undoubtedly do/say something to raise your blood pressure? I have plenty of great comebacks, but I still seethe inside. Any mantras to repeat? Breathing exercises? I'm open to any ideas.
Re: Dealing with crazy family members
Stand up for something you believe in.
Tensions in my family are at an all time high! Thankfully one of my brother's is traveling out of the country and will not be at the family Christmas - this should ease the strain.
But, I always just smile and excuse myself to get a drink, go to the bathroom, or something like that. In my head, I am saying "do not engage". Most of the time it works.
I don't envy you!
Relations with ILs are terrible. They are abusive, manipulative, and MIL actually physically assaulted me once. I can't even think about them without starting to rage about how awful they are to DH and Gwen and I, and I truly think that I hate them, as strong of a word as it is. They'll be at our Grandparent's on Xmas Eve, and I'm totally dreading it - SIL has same issues we do, and her family isn't going, to avoid MIL and FIL, but DH really wants to see the rest of his extended family.
The only thing that ever gets me through any function at which they are present is that I love DH more than I hate his parents. Somehow, that simple thought always makes me able to swallow back some of my feelings. And because I know whatever I feel, its usually ten times harder on him. Perspective is usually my best friend.
Good luck to you...
DH and i say this to each other with both our families. even "it's ___ hours" sometimes.
most of the time, i am only good with the smart@ass remarks after the fact. i drink a lot of wine when i'm with my family.
Definitely don't engage. That's either a) what they want or b) will make things worse. Just let the comments slide, and then get out of the house when you can--go for walks or make up errands you need to run or something.
You could also try to make a game of it. One point if X says something passive-aggressive. Two points if Y asks when you're having more kids. And if you get ten points you get . .. I don't know, a cocktail or something.
We just had the ILs here for the weekend so I know what you mean!
TTC #2: BFP 12/17/11, m/c 1/7/12 and D&C 1/12/12
baby blog/cooking blog
I always put myself in charge of the kids in situations like this. That way I always have an exit strategy - somebody always needs something and if they don't, I just come up with something
I also always say to myself (in any stressful situation): "grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference". It calms me down and makes me realize some thing are what they are no matter how I feel about it. Most of the time I can't do anything to change it anyway so I might as well move on.
Alcohol?
(I kid. Sort of)
Ooo - I like the game idea - one point for passive agressive comments, two points for outwardly aggressive comments, three points when they bring up one of their "favorite" topics (for us that's usually all of DH's three sets of parents telling us how crazy we are for living in such a HCOL area). I envision myself actually keeping track of the points on a chalkboard in the kitchen, and literally chalking things up right in front of everyone. I'm picturing myself saying "excuse me just a second" and very dramatically looking for a piece of chalk and making a mark, then sitting back down and saying "OK, you were saying?"
Sticking that idea in my back pocket for a) New Years when we visit one set of DH's parents who I can't stand (staying at their house), and b) for the next time I see his stupid bio dad and his horrible stepmother - hopefully not until next Thanksgiving.
This year it is Pomegranate Ginger Cocktails
I actually do try and come up with new and interesting drinks to sip on and think about how great they taste while hiding in the kitchen. Kids can be a good getaway distraction - they always need something like extra books at bedtime, extra snuggles before (maybe during) naptime. Extra bathroom time can even be a break. Somehow I manage to slap a permasmile on my face and think about how many hours until I get to go to bed (or rather the couch which is where I get to sleep in my house while DH's whole family is here).
when my parents came for Turkey day last year, BFF and I had a drinking game based on phrases my dad always uses.
tracy, that cockail looks good!
more ideas for your holiday drinking pleasure/family survival needs
This article from Martha Beck has already helped me a few times this season!
http://marthabeck.com/2011/11/putting-the-fun-in-dysfunctional-saving-your-sanity-this-holiday-season/
(Sorry, the Nest doesn't work right in Chrome.)
I love Martha Beck. Especially her idea for dysfunctional family bingo.
i am seriously printing these out for this weekend and upcoming visits with my ILs!
I have a high risk pregnancy and I'm supposed to avoid stress. I turned down my SIL's invitation for Christmas Eve. It kind of started a war, but honestly, I can't deal with them.
Generally, I smile and ignore them, but in the last year DH's BSC BIL has said so many awful and insane things I can't handle being around them.
This article is great! I love the bingo idea.