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WWYD - re: the XW

Hi ladies, 

I dont post here a lot, but I like the advise you all give.  The XW of SO is a sociopath (thanks Achase for the book rec,loved it!)  She has no remorse, no conscience, blames everyone including their 10 year old son and is a habitual liar.  She makes life miserable, so much that the 10 year old does not want their every other weekend visitation anymore.  He is afraid of her, because as he said, she told him that if he continues to treat her like she is not his mother, he will regret it.

Anyway, she went out on short term disability leave the end of november for gallbladder surgery.  We worked at this same company until last year when I left.  She is still out on disability "recovering", however we have proof, pictures and all, that she is just milking it. She is in her car everyday shopping, going to the movies, attending family holiday parties, you name it, but yet she can't work.   Would you send this proof to her job or leave it be?

Thanks!

Re: WWYD - re: the XW

  • MYOB.
    This is my siggy.
  • Keep your distance.  Unless you're an insurance investigator, stay the eff away from this woman.
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  • Ditto, pps.
    image
    They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
  • Don't get involved.  I understand the temptation.. but she may just get caught all on her own eventually.
  • Leave it alone. How would having her get caught affect you in any way other than personal satisifaction?
    image
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • It's best not to provoke crazy.

    So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

  • imageGhostofZeldaFitzgerald:
    It's best not to provoke crazy.

    This. Plus, you don't really know the exact terms of her leave. Holiday parties and driving are not necessarily verboten just because she's on leave. If you turn her in, it will bite you in the behind one way or another. And you'll be the one who looks like she's looking for trouble.

    image

  • Don't poke the sleeping bear. Involving yourself further into her personal life, will only show you to be just as much of a nutter as she is. There is no reason or personal gain for you, so leave it be.
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  • imagehtomeo:
    Don't poke the sleeping bear. Involving yourself further into her personal life, will only show you to be just as much of a nutter as she is. There is no reason or personal gain for you, so leave it be.

    Yup, if you read the entire book it says that you should completely AVOID any and all interaction with the sociopath/psychopath, if at all possible.  Obviously there are some situations (like having a psychotic ex-husband) where you have no choice.  In that case, you keep any interaction to the BARE minimum.

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  • imageachase123:

    imagehtomeo:
    Don't poke the sleeping bear. Involving yourself further into her personal life, will only show you to be just as much of a nutter as she is. There is no reason or personal gain for you, so leave it be.

    Yup, if you read the entire book it says that you should completely AVOID any and all interaction with the sociopath/psychopath, if at all possible.  Obviously there are some situations (like having a psychotic ex-husband) where you have no choice.  In that case, you keep any interaction to the BARE minimum.

     Slightly unrelated - what book are we talking about?  It sounds interesting.

    imagemy to-read shelf:
    Steph's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (to-read shelf)
  • imageStephBeanWed61502:
    imageachase123:

    imagehtomeo:
    Don't poke the sleeping bear. Involving yourself further into her personal life, will only show you to be just as much of a nutter as she is. There is no reason or personal gain for you, so leave it be.

    Yup, if you read the entire book it says that you should completely AVOID any and all interaction with the sociopath/psychopath, if at all possible.  Obviously there are some situations (like having a psychotic ex-husband) where you have no choice.  In that case, you keep any interaction to the BARE minimum.

     Slightly unrelated - what book are we talking about?  It sounds interesting.

    It's called "Who's Pulling YOUR Strings; Breaking the Cycle of Manipulation".  A very good read.  It doesn't just describe and give examples of the behavior, it goes into detail about how to cope with manipulation in your life.

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  • imageachase123:
    It's called "Who's Pulling YOUR Strings; Breaking the Cycle of Manipulation".  A very good read.  It doesn't just describe and give examples of the behavior, it goes into detail about how to cope with manipulation in your life.

    I just started reading it last week.  I'm halfway through and it's really good! 

    I got goosebumps reading the 5 types of manipulators--XH is the borderline personality to a T!

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  • imageachase123:
    imageStephBeanWed61502:
    imageachase123:

    imagehtomeo:
    Don't poke the sleeping bear. Involving yourself further into her personal life, will only show you to be just as much of a nutter as she is. There is no reason or personal gain for you, so leave it be.

    Yup, if you read the entire book it says that you should completely AVOID any and all interaction with the sociopath/psychopath, if at all possible.  Obviously there are some situations (like having a psychotic ex-husband) where you have no choice.  In that case, you keep any interaction to the BARE minimum.

     Slightly unrelated - what book are we talking about?  It sounds interesting.

    It's called "Who's Pulling YOUR Strings; Breaking the Cycle of Manipulation".  A very good read.  It doesn't just describe and give examples of the behavior, it goes into detail about how to cope with manipulation in your life.

    Thank you!

    imagemy to-read shelf:
    Steph's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (to-read shelf)
  • imageMintChocoChip:

    imageachase123:
    It's called "Who's Pulling YOUR Strings; Breaking the Cycle of Manipulation".  A very good read.  It doesn't just describe and give examples of the behavior, it goes into detail about how to cope with manipulation in your life.

    I just started reading it last week.  I'm halfway through and it's really good! 

    I got goosebumps reading the 5 types of manipulators--XH is the borderline personality to a T!

    XH is the Con or Antisocial Personality Disorder, to the letter.  I got chills reading this book, but moreso when I read "The Sociopath Next Door".  It scares me to think that I have a child with someone like that.

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  • Why would you do that? For revenge? You wouldn't be any better than her. If she is "milking it" it's not your problem. Mind your own business. And you don't even know about her situation. What if her work allowed her to take a couple weeks off? You'll look like a real tool if you tell her work place. 
    image
  • Seriously? This would make you even crazier than you say she is. 
    image
  • You're acting just as crazy as she is. Leave it be.

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