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Baby's last name
So as many of you know, my STBXH just officially moved out on Saturday. He's been staying at his mother's since mid October, but the final decision was only made this week. As you can imagine, besides being depressed, I am starting to get overwhelmed over the logistics of all of this.
I am pregnant and due in February. I just found out (through a post on this board) that I have the option to give my daughter my last name. Now I'm not sure what to do. I do plan on going back to my maiden name, but I won't be legally divorced for a least a year or so, and I assume I have to wait until after that for the name change. It does seem that her father will be in the picture, although recent events make me not believe anything he says, so now I'm confused. Even if he does everything he says he will, I will still be the custoidal parent, and at the end of the day I will be the one raising her, so it doesn't seem right for her to have his last name if it's not necessary. I'm thinking hypenating, but both of our last names are four syllables. Is that cruel to do a child?
Any thoughts/opinions are appreciated. Thanks.
Re: Baby's last name
It is totally up to you, BUT I would at least hyphenate.
Especially if it looks like you will be the primary parent.
From someone who was in a similar situation (we split when I was eight months pg) I would definitely have just given DS MY last name. I ended up hyphenating but, since I went back to my maiden name, I wish I had only given DS my maiden name.
It sounds like your ex plans to be MIA, therefore, why should LO get HIS last name?
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
He's saying he's going to do 'the right thing' by his daughter, but (without getting into the details again) the reason our marriage is over is because he's selfish, irresponsible and has no respect or regard for anyone but himself. Given all that, I'm not sure what his role will be. Now that we're separated, he's living with his mother an hour away. Since he thinks work is optional, I don't see that changing any time soon, and if it does, it will probably be in that area (still an hour away). Since overnight visits aren't standard until 18 months, and I'm not sure I trust him anyway, his role will probably consist of visiting one afternoon a week. So that's what I mean that I will be the one raising her - I don't think he will be completely MIA - I think he's be a half-assed father - he does everything half-assed - work, marriage, etc.
I think you're all right. I think I will give her just my name. I'm sure he will be angry, but if it's my decision alone, then I guess it doesn't matter what he thinks.
Don't base your decisions on ANY of this. His emotions aren't your problem.
I would like to add that as I said in the other post, I am REALLY glad I gave my child MY last name. Even if it took my a year to be able to change my last name back to match hers.
I wanted her above everything else to have a name she could be proud of. I feel that I have worked very hard to be a good role model for DD and I hope she will be proud to share my name not only with me, but my family.
Of course when it comes to DC, school and medical issues it is always good to have matching names in a pinch! It would get annoying to have to "prove" paternity all the time.
Can you change back to your maiden name beforehand? I'm sure you could if you looked into it. It may be more paperwork, but worth it if you explain the situation.
I'd change it back ASAP if you could and give the baby your last, maiden, name.
She can give the baby her maiden name even if she does not legally have that name at the time.
My 12 year old daughter has a hyphenated last name. She HATES it. It's a huge pain in the butt, at times, with how computers register the name (which name is first, is there a hyphen or space or neither). She knows when she's 18 she can do what she wants with it then. (Her dad is involved in her life).
My DS was adopted by my now XH. He kept my last name because he was six, at the time, and could spell my last name (4 letters versus XH's 8) and it was less confusing. I've VERY glad he only has my last name.