Starting Over
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Divorce procedure and $$$
So it's been 6 months since the whole thing started and so far, there is 0 progress and I am out around $7K already. I am sick to my stomach. The money I saved for years is going away like crazy. After this divorce is over it looks like I will have nothing left in my life. I am in my late 20s and everything I accomplished money wise and career wise is almost gone. And there's nothing I can do about it except give up my rights and get screwed.
I am 95% sure I will never get married again. This by far the most traumatic experience in my life.
Re: Divorce procedure and $$$
I don't know what your marriage was like, but if your marriage was unhappy (vs. just "going separate ways") think of the $7K as the price of freedom and moving on with your life.
You are in your late 20's - - when I was that age I was $40K in debt from grad school. I paid back those loans and was able to put money in the bank again. Now going forward you will be able to put money in the bank, too! And spend or invest based on your own choices.
You will get through this and it will be better once you reach the other side, even if there is a cost.
It looks depressing now, but once you are finally free you will see things differently. Yes you will have to start over, but it will be worth it. I'm 6 months in and until last week we had no progress. I was doing everything I was supose to, but addict STBXH refuses to do anything on his part, and continues to lie to his attorney, judges, everyone. We are finally getting a court date to finalize everything. It is scarry, because I may loose the home that I have been keeping up on payments and everything, but after STBXH cleaned out our house (down to the toilet paper), our checking and savings (bringing them in the negative when the bills came out, and started telling everyone in our small town that I was a hore and the baby we just lost wasnt his. I have restraining orders on him and a friend of his because they keep following me places and broke into the house. I'm alreayd 17K in (counting our checking and savings) and figure that I am better off having to start over and not deal with his crap any more.
Good luck it will get better.
(((hugs)))
I'm sorry.
That's the one place I was lucky. My drive-thru divorce was over in a month and cost me $350.
I hope you get through this quickly.
Ugh, yeah, that is one of the many fears I have (however illogical it is to have that near the top of the list of fears) because I literally have $600 in my savings' account right now. I have poor spending habits (working on that), as well as credit card and school loan debt. If I end up spending thousands of dollars on a divorce, it will take me quite some time to pay it off. My hope is that I will be able to move in with my parents for six months to pay down debt and save some money so I can have some sort of e-fund. The house we live in is in my H's name only, so the equity he has in it is not something I will be able to tap into once our marriage is no more.
I have to think that, to both you and me, something better is waiting when we come out on the other side of this. It's hard to see that now, but try to keep the faith!
Thank you everyone. I started saving when I was 16 and I have 0 debt. No student loan, no car payments, just a mortgage. How can divorce wreck your life so much???? Don't people get married for some security also?
Kellbell, we are disagreeing over spousal maintenance. My case is special. I make very little money now and work full time (under 20K/year). My chances of making more are uncertain, even though I have a Masters degree. He makes 3 times as much as me. I have no idea how much his attorney is but I would love to know. I would have called but I can't as they would figure out it might be me (my English sounds different to put it that way). But it's my only hope: he has student loans and can't really afford a divorce. I hope he comes to his senses. I am pretty sure they thought I would give up due to lack of funds. They are nasty, especially his attorney. A week ago he sent my attorney a threatening and manipulative email.
Hang in there! I went through a very expensive divorce nearly three years ago. I was $30K in debt from the experience. However, I agree with some of the other women in this thread. It is a price you pay for your freedom and happiness. Money will come again. This is just a set back and not the end. The world is your oyster now! Have you ever read the Secret? It really helped me put life in perspective. For now you may never want to marry. Life will change. You will change. Although this is a time of grief and mourning...you will see you were growing and changing. I wish you all the best! Try to hold onto the positve moments that will come out of this and cling tight to your loved ones!
hugs, cicily
This thread actually makes me realize there is a sunny side to my easy peasy $80 divorce: I kept my house, all the savings and came out pretty much in the same situation I was going into the marriage.
Just stay strong, it can't go on forever and soon all this will be behind you.