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WWND - difference of opinion over church
My mother is throwing a temper tantrum because I don't want to go to her church tomorrow night. Here's the deal. First of all, N was really looking forward to going to our church tomorrow night and I told people we would see them there. But, aside from that, I don't like my mom's church. Not specifically her's but the denomination as a whole. Am I perhaps being closed minded? Yes, and I'm perfectly comfortable with that. But I'm just going off of years of experience. I have never once gone to a church of this denomination and left feeling good about things. Instead, I always find the teaching painfully closed minded, offensive and bordering on hateful.
If this is the church that works for her and it makes her happy, great. I'm glad she has a place that makes her feel comfortable. I don't judge her at all for choosing this as her religion if it's really what she believes. But religion is one of those things people just need to agree to disagree about if they aren't on the same page and then move on. If she was uncomfortable with my church I wouldn't pressure her into coming. But no matter how many time I try to be honest with her, she wont let up. She threatening to ruin Christmas over this if I don't change my plans and go with her. It's not going to ruin mine so if she wants to pitch a fit, it's her decision. But bottom line is, I'm not going and I don't want N exposed to their teaching and doctrines at his age.
How would you handle this with her? I have been as polite and straightforward as I possibly can about this issue over and over again and she's just not getting it. The outcome of my holiday happiness does not hinge on this, but apparently it hers does.
Re: WWND - difference of opinion over church
It sounds like you've already talked 'til you're blue in the face, more or less. I think all you can do at this point is "Mom, we're not going" every single time she brings it up, end the convo as necessary and go ahead to your own church.
She may not actually believe that you won't do what she wants, until it's tomorrow night, you're at your respective churches, and you've done what you want, not what she does.
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
I'd encourage you to stick to your guns, especially if you are pretty definite about not wanting N exposed to the doctrine and teachings. If you go tomorrow night, she may take that as an opening for her to take him with her if she ever happens to be watching him on a weekend.
My mom tried pulling this on me. We left Willis with her on a Saturday night to Sunday night, with the specific admonishment that we really didn't want Willis to be taken to her church. She declared she was fine with not going to her church for their night service, and then waited until we were four hours away to call and say she had changed her mind and couldn't she just take him once? I still said no and she had to make arrangements to take W somewhere else so she could go to church.
Just saying - better to throw down the gauntlet now.
This! My mom can be like this sometimes, I totally use the kids as my excuse and in your case I would too. The whole "I already told N we are going to our church and he's excited to see his friends". I'm guessing you've already tried that though, so in that case, I'd do what Litebright suggests.
Stand your ground.
My parents have similar beliefs, but on a few things, and they are absolutely NOT allowed to push my children. As the boys grow older they are free to explore and ask questions to determine what they believe, but young kids aren't ready for that, and shouldn't be put in the middle of a theological debate.
I'd just say that you already made plans with a few people to attend your service, but are happy to meet her before/after at ___.
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