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restraining order against BIL?
DH's brother is a bit of a nutjob. He is in his mid-30's, an alcoholic, and fairly emotionally stunted. He stopped speaking to their mother about 4 years ago and will not tell anyone, including her, why he has done this.
He has also done some stalkerish things when his last girlfriend broke up with him. Including getting personalized license plates that said "no (last name of gf), having a jacket made with her last name with an X through it, and pooping in a box on her porch. Yah. kind of a nutjob.
Nutjob tendencies aside, he and Dh got along fine until this time last year. An incident happened where he was rude to my dad, and when we asked him what was up, he said that he hated my father for "making DH sign a pre-nup". DH did sign a pre-nup but that was a) completely my idea, and b) none of his business. DH was pissed. My parents have done a lot for us and he really felt that his brothers disrespect for them was the last straw in their relationship. They haven't spoken in a year.
This week DH's family had a holiday party. BIL was invited, as were we. 2 nights before the party DH got a text from BIL saying "Now that you're RICH you can buy a new brother" and "you are forever dead to me". We think he sent these to scare us from coming to the party.
Their mom thinks we should get a restraining order against BIL. I think its overkill. I'm not even sure you can get a restraining order for a text message that is not overtly threatening. And he hasn't done anything violent to anyone, yet.
Re: restraining order against BIL?
"You're dead to me" is a pretty comnmon term to mean that he is not speaking to you. Let him act like a baby.
I don't think his letter is a threat and since he has not shown any voilence or made any real threats, I would not worry.
So let me get this straight...your MIL wants you to get an Order of Protection against her own son...the one she is inviting over to her house where you too were invited.
Can we say DRAMA much?
Stay out of it.
No really do not engage with ANY of these crazies.
So, BIL is not speaking to his mother or brother but invited to a "family" holiday party?
And your MIL wants the courts to impose an order of restraint against him to his brother - so a judge can say 'don't text this guy, continue to not call him?'
To what end? The silent treatment isn't working? You want to haul this guy into court to have a judge 'order' him around? She thinks that will make him less hostile and aggressive?
Really?
One text is not proof of stalking or harassment. You could take this down to the police station but they will tell you that there is nothing you can do. Ignore the guy. He is upset that you have chosen to cut him out of your life and is trying to get attention from you.
I too don't understand why he is invited to the family Christmas party after having so many issues with the parents. If it were me, I would make my own Christmas, skip the party and see the parents at another time.
Sorry I should have mentioned that MIL and FIL are not together. Actually its step FIL, DH and BIL are half brothers. But were raised thinking they were full brothers....believe me this feud is only the tip of the "crazy" iceberg.
Thanks for the advice. I thought MIL was overreacting.
He's in his mid 30's and sends texts like a 12yr old? No restraining order necessary, maybe a DNA test
Maybe eventually and slowly you and your H can remove his toxic-vibes from your lives? It sounds like many people would be better without his negative attitude. Honestly, it sounds like he literally has a mental health problem, most adult men don't behave this way. Better to just distance yourself.
I have a half-uncle who is exactly like this. He no longer speaks to anyone in our family....why, we don't know, but whatever. He did lots of immature, weird, stupid things before deciding he was mad at everyone.
We've thought about a restraining order, but in the end just changed phone numbers and have not given him our address.
Wow, I am not a doctor, but your BIL has Borderline Personality Disorder written all over him. I would bet large amounts of money. Not that it is an excuse. At all.
But it sounds like he needs serious help, and in the meantime I think you and DH need to go no contact. Not restraining order - just no contact. Change your phone #, block him, whatever you need to do.