Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How long did you wait? (kids)
If you or your SO have kids, how long did you wait before introducing everyone? I've been dating a guy for a month and actually ran into him with his kids and me with my kids at a toy store. As far as my kids know, he was just a random guy in the toy store, but it got me to thinking. Obviously, it's way too soon for something like that too happen officially, but at what point do you consider it? Is it strictly a time thing, or is it more like a stage in the relationship? On the one hand, I wouldn't want to bring someone into my child's life just to have them possibly leave, but on the other hand, I don't think I could consider a serious relationship with someone without knowing how they would interact with my children. What is the general consensus on this?
Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/9/11 - 34:24 - 1st race evah!
Kelly Monaghan's 5K - 5/15/11 - 3rd Place in AG
Walk the Talk 5K - 5/18/11 - 31:12 PR
Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/14/12 - 1st race of the year, 32:45
Kelly Monaghan's 5K - 5/15/11 - 3rd Place in AG
Walk the Talk 5K - 5/18/11 - 31:12 PR
Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/14/12 - 1st race of the year, 32:45
Re: How long did you wait? (kids)
Mominator, I've lurked on here and the single parents board for awhile and you have always been one of the most level-headed people around! I think you'll know when you're ready to make that move for your kids, but at the same time, I'd throw out caution flags because of the SO's current living arrangements/marital status. Not trying to be judgy, but the situation isn't exactly ideal and you need to make sure your kids are safe, you know?
Oh, no! I know exactly what you mean. This wouldn't happen until at LEAST the divorce is final and the living situation rectified (which should be by the end of January / beginning of February) and then a few months past that. In reality, my dating relationship is still in its infancy so this is all merely a question of curiosity, like the if's and when's and all that, since who knows where we'll be a few weeks from now, let alone months. He's just only the 2nd person I've dated since my divorce that lasted longer than 2 dates, so it got me thinking
Kelly Monaghan's 5K - 5/15/11 - 3rd Place in AG
Walk the Talk 5K - 5/18/11 - 31:12 PR
Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/14/12 - 1st race of the year, 32:45
I am trying to remember. Did you introduce the man you were dating around this time last year to your kids? I ask because if the answer is yes, I'd probably err on the side of waiting even longer simply because you don't want start the revolving door.
I introduced my son to my bf in small doses first. About two months in, bf came over to help me get my Christmas tree down in my garage so ds and I could decorate it. It was a five minute interaction. Then about three months in I started talking about my "friend" more. About four months in, it was my brother's birthday and bf came to my family lunch. DS was there. By that point, his dad was moving his gf in to his apartment, so ds understood the concept of bf/gf (he was 4 at the time). My whole family was there so ds still got lots of attention and it wasn't like this big "meet my bf" thing. The bf was gone for almost 5 weeks for work.The first time we did something just the three of us was about 6 months in -- bf took us to a pro soccer game. So it was very slow. It gave me a chance to see them interact and to let everyone get used to the idea. Now ds and bf get along really well and ds is excited for our move into bf's house next month. He always asks if we can sleep there so he can "test out his new room."
I think it all depends on the relationship, but I do agree with pp that you should be sure all is settled with his current relationship/living situation before you do anything. That would just confuse things too much.
For us it was 8 months. But our situation was unique. And at that time we knew we wanted a life together.
I had an ex and we waited six months I think. We didn't regret that either when it didn't work out-but it did make it HARDER when we broke up after 18 months together.
I waited about 6 months and slowy he came around with other people and was just a friend. My kids decided we should date and made him ask me out and take me to dinner. lol So, they to this day (9 years later) think they fixed us up~!
FormelyAK - to answer you, no, they didn't meet the guy that I was dating last year. They actually have never met anyone, it just never got to that point.
Thank you everyone for the advice! Him and I actually sat down and talked about it last night and agreed that any kind of formal introduction will be a ways down the road, like 6+ months from now, we are still very much in the honeymoon phase and don't know where, if anywhere this will go. First and foremost, he needs to get things settled on his end and then we can kind of take stock where we are and where we want to be and go from there. I'm really trying to keep a level head here so I'm glad that him and I are on the same page.
Kelly Monaghan's 5K - 5/15/11 - 3rd Place in AG
Walk the Talk 5K - 5/18/11 - 31:12 PR
Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/14/12 - 1st race of the year, 32:45
That is pretty much the situation here. It makes me feel a little better hearing you say that, so thank you. I'd be lying if I said that the living situation wasn't slightly concerning for me, but obvsiously not enough to keep me from dating him.
Kelly Monaghan's 5K - 5/15/11 - 3rd Place in AG
Walk the Talk 5K - 5/18/11 - 31:12 PR
Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/14/12 - 1st race of the year, 32:45
I like how you did this.
Personally, if I ever date, I will wait until at least 7-9 months. Her dad has done enough damage introducing her to every girl he screws around with as his friend....
I would not want to meet his children until around the same time frame.