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For those of you who are dating: How long did it take you to start to trust?
I have been single for about a year and a half, now. I started dating someone as a BF/GF situation about six months post separation and that guy totally broke my heart.
As if my trust issues weren't fragile enough from my cheating husband, this dude that I was dating didn't make things any better and since that guy, I've had a bunch of first dates or casual trysts, but nothing substantial.
Some of you may remember me posting about the guy that I had a date with last week that I really liked. Well, things are looking great with that guy and I hung out with him again last night. I'm not looking to jump into a relationship with him, but I do want to be able to have the confidence that he will call me in the future instead of always worrying that he's going to disappear.
So, my question for you...how long did it take you to start to trust again? How can I help myself to have the confidence that he will always call/let me know how things are on his end?
Thanks...I'm driving myself insane over here!
Re: For those of you who are dating: How long did it take you to start to trust?
Agree with Pbear. It took me about 2 months to feel secure in my relationship with L.
Stop thinking so much. My favorite quote: 'Don't think too much. You'll create a problem that wasn't there in the first place." The more you worry about if/when he will call the more you will drive yourself crazy. You don't want to be so obsessed with knowing that he will call and become clingy or crazy about why he isn't calling. Find a hobby, hang out with friends, keep yourself busy, have some independence. Trust comes in time with any new relationship- I don't think there is any specific timeline.
Communication about your expectations is important too. You said you don't want to jump into a relationship with him but you also want to know he isn't going to disappear. If you've expressed that you aren't ready for the relationship he may be more distant or looking for someone who wants a relationship. Being on the same page will help with the trust situation too.
Once I got to know him more (which took about 2 months) and realize that he is NOT my XH, I started to let my guard down a little less cautiously. BF had gone through similar issues in his past relationship which meant he knew the value of trust in a relationship, so it became even easier. Its not an aha moment, rather a progressive trust that builds.
i didn't have issues with trust, my marriage ended because i chose to leave because it wasn't something i could do forever. we were just not right for each other and i knew i would be happier alone than with him.
the guy i have been with since my divorce has been divorced as well (2 years ago), his was harder on him than mine was on me, so it took him about a year to get back to normal, to trust, to open up.
but you can't live worrying that someone will decide to leave, if they do, they do and it wasn't meant to be and it means you're still on the path to finding that right person. i'm not certain how to tell you to get that confidence, but i'd try my best to just chill and enjoy your time with him.
somethings take time, and depending on how hard your divorce/seperation was, it can take a lot longer to get back to normal. I wish you the best
I didn't accept a date with a guy until I felt I would be able to build trust. I went out with a guy I knew from college a couple times because I knew him and felt comfortable. After 3 dates I did not feel ready so I took another month to myself.
I don't think I have ever been the type to trust someone right off the bat... but I do expect to feel like the trust is building. With my now BF, every date ended with me feeling more comfortable and more trusting of him. Our talks were great and his actions backed up everything he had been telling me. That is was important to me. With my X he said all the right things, but I would see him do things that I now know are flags. (like getting angry at servers, checking out a lot of girls, had no guy friends) Did I have moments in my new relationship? Yes, everyone has moments. There was however never a "nagging feeling" that something was off.
IMO if you are having issues/are not making progress with trusting a SO after decent time has passed (like 2 months) then either you are not ready or he is not the right guy. I am not saying you should fully trust a man in 2 months, but if your trust is not building or moving forward then you need to re-evaluate things.
Kelly Monaghan's 5K - 5/15/11 - 3rd Place in AG
Walk the Talk 5K - 5/18/11 - 31:12 PR
Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/14/12 - 1st race of the year, 32:45
This. It's taking me time, but S is patient. Otherwise, we wouldn't be together. It's been about a month, and I find myself letting my guard down more and more every day.