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Planning a pregnancy around military life?
DH and I have started talking about when we want to try to have a baby and I wanted to know if anyone can share their experiences on this subject from a military life perspective?
DH is in training right now so we don't have any idea when he might get orders to deploy once he hits the fleet. I have family who would be able to travel to come if I had the baby while hes deployed. But I guess, have any of you found it better to get pregnant before he deploys vs. right after he gets back?
No one has been able to give us any kind of a concrete idea on how long deployments are on average for what he's doing so idk if we get pregnant before he deploys, would he even be back in time? Or since he's new, Idk how long it may be before he deploys. If its going to be like a year, then we'd start TTC sooner rather than later so he could be here for pregnancy, birth, and the first few months. But if its more like 6 months from when he hits the fleet to when he deploys then he'd be gone for the later part of the pregnancy, birth, and first who knows how many months.
But then we all know with the military, anything can change at any time so even if we did plan it around when he's going to be gone, it could always change anyways so should we just not plan it around the military and just be prepared for whatever happens?
Any past-experience advice would be appreciated 
Thanks!
p.s. DH is a Marine if that helps you have a better idea of timing, deployments, etc
Thanks
Re: Planning a pregnancy around military life?
Basically what you're saying is that you have no idea when he'll be gone, how long he'll be gone for, when he'll be back, or how much time until he leaves again. So it's really hard to offer any advice.
If it were me, I'd rather be pregnant while he is deployed and have the baby once he's back. As much as I'd love for him to be around to rub feet, procure ice cream, etc, I'd rather him have the bonding time with the actual baby. I don't have a baby yet so take this with a grain of salt, but I am starting to think the same kinds of things because we will be TTC in about a year.
If I were in your situation I'd wait a year or two until I had a better understanding of how often your DH will be gone and when he'll be back. I'd work and sock away money so I could buy my baby the cutest clothes and design an awesome nursery. I don't know if your H is officer or enlisted, but neither gets paid that well fresh out of training so extra money once you have a baby will be helpful, especially if god forbid the baby has any health issues.
I don't have much advice for you.....I'm like you, my H is training right now. We're not quite ready for kids yet but we've discussed when we want to maybe start trying.
We are waiting until he finishes the training he's in and gets to his duty station. Then we'll see what life will be like, if they're on a deployment schedule, if he has more training, etc.
We're mid-20s so we aren't in a rush right now.
But I, like you, am trying to figure out how to plan around deployments too.
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Personally I wouldn't start trying until you've both gone through a deployment and know how you can both handle it. Some people (SM's and/or spouses at home) can barely handle deployments normally, so adding a baby or pregnancy to that without knowing how you'll both handle them isn't a good idea IMO.
Planning around the military is hard. H and I are kind of lucky in that while the current 2 years we're dealing with are pretty tough with two deployments and multiple underways in between, after this next deployment we'll have about 5 and a half years before he would be deployed again. Obviously things can always change with the military, but we chose to just wait to start TTC until after this next deployment. If things stay how they are scheduled we can have the 2 kids we're hoping for, and have them out of the infant stage before he deploys again.
Some of our friends are waiting almost 8 years to have kids when the SM is getting out of the military, others started immediately. Understand that if he is deployed, they will not send him home when you have the baby, and he might not be home until 6 months to a year after that. As others said, I think your age and maturity level should be a big deciding factor for you. Do what is right for you and your FI/H, and your relationship. No matter what happens though, I would wait until he at least finishes training and gets to a duty station to have an idea of a deployment schedule before you make a decision.
My DH was deployed for our son's birth and his first 9 months. It sucked, but we managed. We are now potentially facing another deployment. LO would be three. . . And I am realizing how much easier it was to manage an infant without DH (with help from my family, which will not be the case this time).
My advice is to wait until both you and your DH have a better understanding what military life means for you individually and as a couple. As NSL mentioned, unless you are in your mid-30's, do yourself the favor of waiting.
We got pregnant the last cycle before my H left and I got really sick a few days after he left. I was in the hospital on a Picc line in the icu kind of sick. After discharge I moved home (unplanned) to have my gallbladder removed at 17 weeks.
It was so hard on him not being there for me and he was so worried (maybe still is) that I will resent him for being gone.
We planned the pregnancy when we did because we wanted him home for the birth. He doesn't have enough time left in his contract for another deployment so that's not even on our radar.
Really? I can name many wrong times to have a baby. Just because a couple "wants" a baby doesn't mean they are ready for them or that it's the right time.
Heh. Every time is the wrong time for me. Until I decide I can stand to be around children, it's the wrong time.
Neither is the Army. Ignore this advice OP.
Im am sorry, but no ones life is perfect and there is always something that is not going to go as planned. What I am saying is people who want babies and are ready can come up with just as many pro's and con's to having a baby. I made the list lol Also, To me being ready and wanting a baby are the same thing or at least were in my relationship bc it took me a while to be on the same page as him.
You completely contradict yourself there. So if you weren't on the same page about it, then it wasn't the right time to have a baby.
I think I get what you're trying to say, but you're just not doing a good job of saying it. There is rarely a perfect time to have a baby because you'll never have "enough" money or time, but there are definitely better times than others. Technically H and I are "ready" for a baby, but it's not the right time for us with another deployment and a move coming up. So, no, they aren't the same thing.
I would put it off a little longer. My husband and I got pregnant a few months after we got married and with in the same week he got orders to deploy. Things are working out well for us now, but I so wish we would have had more time to be a couple and figure out our married life in the Military before the added stress of a child comes in to play.
Things in the Military will always change. Dates will be moved up and back and you can't always plan around it. Wait until you both know more about the general idea of his deployments and take step back to decide what you two want to do. No one can tell you but you.
Um, can you please just go back and try that again? My eyes hurt.
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LOL. I totally thought I was having deja vu with the Ojo/Corbin's mom thing about right time/wrong time baby thing.