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a little of this a little of that.
My older sister (24) wanted me & my husband to spend the night at my parents house Christmas eve and didnt understand why two newlyweds would want to spend their first christmas together and my younger sister (20) asked to spend the night at my apartment and my mom said would you really want to spend the night there they are newlyweds, she didnt get it.... the older one believes that those traditional things that couples do are stupid and they only do them because they feel like they are supposed to although now that she has a boyfriend (her first) shes seeing that shes wrong and the younger one has never dated (to my knowledge at least) but has friends who have and has married friends not to mention by their age they should just know that married people want to be alone!
on the other side my inlaws are nuts. My husband and i were staying at his grandmas for the weekend (his parents were there too) and his aunt came over and i was falling asleep in a chair while they played dominoes game id never played before and every five minutes his aunt asked if i wanted to play and i politely declined each time. his family is just weird they ask you if you want to do something in such a way its nearly impossible to refuse and if you do they just ask you again later, we get stuck doing things we dont want to A LOT. now i wouldnt have minded playing the game but it was one id never played before and i was practically asleep and it was getting late i was hoping she would leave so i could just go to bed.
sorry just had to rant its been a long weekend
Re: a little of this a little of that.
Your sisters want to spend time with you and your DH's family wants to make sure you feel included in family games. Yep, you've got huge problems.
FWIW, when the aunt kept asking you to play, she wasn't the one being rude. I think it's kind rude and "weird" to sit down in the middle of a social gathering and try to sleep. Why didn't you just get up and say, "It's been an exhausting day, I think I'll go to bed. Merry Christmas everyone, I'll see you in the morning!"
Some people don't like change of any kind.
Get what?
What, pray tell, are these things?
Is "being alone" a euphamism for sex?
It is not a difficult game, one can learn it quite quickly.
It's sort of odd to sit down in the middle of a game and not actively participate. Perhaps you should have toddled off to bed and resested up so you'd be fresh for "being alone" nudge, nudge.
I'm a little confused - were they playing games in the room that you and your H would be sleeping in (on a pull out couch)? It seems if you wanted to go to bed you could have just excused yourself.
his family is just weird they ask you if you want to do something in such a way its nearly impossible to refuse and if you do they just ask you again later, we get stuck doing things we dont want to A LOT.
Well, they're not wierd. If they keep asking you to do things you dont' want to do until you cave in and do it, then they are doing what works for them. Stop doing what you don't want to do - excuse yourself or say "please don't ask me again." and maybe they will put an end to their act. I would not want to play dominos with adults either - it's something I play with my 6 year old so that he learns numbers.
I think you just need to recognize that different people are different. Some couples don't want "a quiet Christmas eve alone," others prefer their privacy. Neither way is wrong, as long as you enforce your own boundries and accept that other people are different from you.
You're upset because your sisters wanted to spend time with you?...just tell them no for this? I'm not getting the issue here.
The aunt sounded like she wanted to make sure you feel included since you were awkwardly falling asleep not participating in the game or conversation in the middle of a social gathering. When you're at a families house as a guest I'd suggest you make the best of it and join in with the family as much as you can. If you're soooo tired that you're falling asleep while everyone else is being social then excuse yourself, let them know you've had a long day and would they mind if you head off to bed?"
It's an older adult thing too. My grandparents play dominos ALL the time, It's all the rage in their apartment complex, they've gotten us to play with them a couple times but usually we decline and suggest something else.
Just my two cents, you sound like a brat.
Say no to your sisters and no to your husband's family when they ask you to do something you don't want to do. But do NOT make a big deal about how "no one understands". This was your first married Christmas; their lives haven't changed. They went on with their old traditions that you no longer wished to participate in. There is nothing wrong with what they did, or what you did, but they're not going to magically know that you want to be alone with your husband if you don't say anything. As far as your husband's aunt, she probably thought you were bored and was trying to get you involved in a family activity since you were sitting there falling asleep. That was rude. It's not their job to leave you alone so you can fall asleep in the living room while people are at the house where you are a GUEST.
You obviously have opinions on what you want to be doing with your days. Grow up and make them happen. You want to spend time with your husband, you decline invitations. You want to sleep, you get your butt to a bed.
I'm w/ the majority on this one.
Your sisters- they want to spend time w/ you. Is that really so bad? All you have to do is say "Oh, thanks for the invite/idea, but we're going to stay home".
I don't see why you're making this about "i'm married now, they don't understand....". It's the holidays, holidays are often about family, they want to be w/ their family.... oh, the horror.
Your IL's. I will throw you a bone that to keep asking you to play once youv'e said no is annoying. Doesn't matter what else you were doing - you said no, I do think they need to respect that. I've been around people like that - who just won't take "no" for an answer - and it IS annoying.
BUT - why are you trying to sleep in the middle of all this? And why is the fact you haven't played the game stopping you? Go and learn!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Just because you are married does not mean that you cannot spend the night at your parents' house or that you cannot have a houseguest. You sound like what Bridget Jones called a "smug-married." You're married. Get over yourself.
As for your ILs, I will echo what everyone else is asking... Why are you falling asleep in the middle of a family visit? You may be tired, but it is rude to nap in front of everyone. Go to bed. And, really, you can learn a game.
You have a bit of growing up to do. Being married means learning about and making an effort to fit in with your husband's family. It also means that you continue to respect your family and the traditions that they have. For crying out loud, my siblings and I still spend Christmas Eve listening to my mom read "The Night Before Christmas." Just because we are adults and have our own houses, etc. doesn't mean that we can't continue certain traditions.
lol, I have watched this movie too many times to count!
You have the right to spend your holidays anyway you want, but to make it that you can't because your are newlyweds seems really self-centered. You aren't in some different category from the rest of the world. Will you be able to share holidays next year when you are not newlyweds?
You could have avoided the whole drama with Grandma by just going to bed.
I thought I was guilty of creating drama where there wasn't any.
OP, your sisters wanted to spend time with you and his aunt wanted to be sure you were included in "family game night." What if they hadn't asked you? I'll bet you would have been pissed then too.
Get over yourself.
Christmas is about spending time with family - whether you're married or not.
I'm a newlywed and we spend Christmas eve and Christmas day with my inlaws and visited various family members. We also often have friends over at weekends (who stay in the spare room). No, we don't want to be alone all the time, yes, we wan't to spend time with family during the holidays, and yes, we do want to keep our social life.
I'm not sure who told you that being a newlywed was all about being alone. I understand you want time to enjoy 'being newlywed' but that doesn't mean you stop spending time with your family. You can still have your sister over to stay, you can still go stay at your parents. Many married couples do. It's pretty normal.
As for the game thing, I can kinda see where you are coming from with that, but I think that it *could* have been perceived as rude, and it would have been better to just excuse yourself and go lay down.