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WWYD?
A friend of mine came to me with a very uncomfortable situation. I gave him advice, but it was so unbelievable (and slightly amusing, from where I was standing) that I thought I would see what everyone here thought of it.
He's 22 years old, single, and a man. So, as many single 22 year old men do, he was browsing certain websites late at night. It was one of those sites that users upload their own videos. While he was browsing, he clicked on a video that interested him and realized he recognized the girl in it. I don't personally know her, but he is adamant that she would NEVER upload a video to that (or any) site. Also, the man in the video with her is her EX, so he thinks that it was uploaded by him as some sort of revenge.
His question to me was what he should do about it. He doesn't know if he should tell her or not. On the one hand - ignorance is bliss. They've been broken up for about 6 months now, and as far as he knows haven't had any contact since. Telling her would mean, at the very least, that she has to call him and tell him to take the video down. And what if he refuses? Is there really anything she can do about it? He's afraid that she'll just get really upset and not be able to have it taken down. Plus, he's not too crazy about telling her that he saw her doing something so personal.
On the other hand, he doesn't know the xbf's number, so it's not like he can try to call him and make him take it down himself. And if he doesn't tell her about it, there is absolutely no chance of it getting taken down. And if she somehow finds out about it and that he knew about it, it would ruin their friendship (which he highly values).
So...if you were in my unfortunate friend's position WWYD?
*Disclaimer - When I said in the beginning that it was slightly amusing from where I was standing, I was just talking about my friend having to admit he saw his other friend on a porn website. Just trying to imagine him actually saying it to someone kind of made me giggle. The fact that this actually happened to the poor girl is terrible, and does not amuse me one bit.
Re: WWYD?
That's the gist of what I told him.
Rambley Blog
It is possible that she can do something about it if he refuses to take it down. I was under the impression that it wasn't legal to put explicit images of someone online without their knowledge. But I could be wrong.
Regardless, he should definitely tell her. I would 100% want to know. Not everyone she knows would necessarily be as discrete as your friend. Assuming she wasn't complicit in putting this online, it is unlikely that her scumbag ex has kept his mouth shut about putting the video online either.
2012 Reading Challenge
He should tell her. She needs to know. Better to come from someone in her circle than a stranger. Can you just imagine if she was out with friends at a bar and some guy walks up with the "you look familiar" line but then follows with "you're the one from the video!" That's only awkward and mortifying potential situation one out of a thousand. Imagine if it was a work-related setting. If she has a heads up then she prepare to deal with potential questions.
Does he think there's a chance she didn't know the video was being taken?
I am so glad I never took pictures or video of myself.
I also think she needs to know.
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It is possible that she can do something about it if he refuses to take it down. I was under the impression that it wasn't legal to put explicit images of someone online without their knowledge. But I could be wrong.
I would hope so, but I really have no idea!!
Does he think there's a chance she didn't know the video was being taken?
He didn't say. Although I've met the girl, I don't actually know her so I have no idea if she is the kind of girl that would be okay with taking videos.
If I am following this correctly it is your friends friend not his x-gf right? I would totally tell the friend.
Yes, she is just a friend. But he does want more. He's admitted to me that he really likes her, but I think he's had a secret crush on her since she was with the crappy ex. So maybe this is what will bring them together?
Perhaps he could preface it with a "In the event you didn't know..." (since hey, that could be her thing)
That's another thing I told him "Be prepared for her to say - Oh yeah, I knew about that..." *awkward* lol
I will definitely post if I hear anything about it.
Rambley Blog
I like this idea. This way he doesn't have to deal w the awkward "I secretly love you and found you naked having sex on the Internet" convo. PS-"can we try that position out some time?"
OMG, that made me almost die laughing.
And thanks wise_rita - I will suggest this if he hasn't already talked to her. Although I'm afraid he's got "Knight in shining armor" fantasies - so he might actually want to talk to her now. I don't know, I haven't actually talked to him since he told me about this.
Rambley Blog
Yes, and in the event that this goes into an investigation into the posting of the video I could imagine an anonymous e-mail like that might get messier than just saying: "Hey, did you know this exists?"
Meh. I'd be straight about it, like ripping off a band aid, and tell her that he came across this video and the girl looks just like her! How strange is that! and then if she wants it, give her the link.
Who knows, she may have posted it herself. Or she'll be completely mortified. Or it's not her. But either way, this seems like a pretty easy solution.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
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