Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Convo got me thinking...
Last night, DH & I went over to our friends' (my gf, her DH & their daughter) new house they just built to hang out & give their daughter a Christmas present we bought her. My gf, is the daughter of my dad's bff & we have known eachother a very long time. Our friends' daughter just turned 4, so naturally, the topic of "when is baby #2 coming?" came up.
Then, the tables reversed and DH & I were put in the hot seat of when we're going to have kids. This was all just very light convo, really, and no one was getting the 3rd degree. Well, my dad's bff (my friend's dad, we'll call him "J"), watches her daughter (his granddaughter) approx 3-4x a week. Now, that she is attending school it's less. She was telling us that he's getting anxious for her & her DH to have another one soon so he will have another buddy.
My DH (kinda sorta) jokingly said, "Hey, "J" is more than welcome to watch our kids when we have them!" and to that my gf responded, "Oh, I'm sure he would, he'd probably love that!" and then her DH added, "I realize, I'm volunteering him in saying this, but I'm sure he would too!!".
On the ride home, DH & I talked about it more and realized, it wasn't such a bad idea. We really like my gf's dad & trust him and never thought/considered him when discussing [our unborn children's] childcare. DH & I are not currently TTC, but we're hoping to start this upcoming year. DH is awaiting on a promotion & due to my health, it appears we are going to need "assistance" in this dept & are trying to put aside some money for that...so, basically, it could be a while until we conceive...
My question, I realize this is very very far in advance (that's the type A & planner in me!), but how would you approach a subject like this one? I don't want to corner someone or put them on the spot, but I think you need to discuss & consider these things now.
I'd appreciate feedback from those who have children & have people they know care for them & how that is working out? How did you approach in asking them? Did they just volunteer to do it? I don't think my gf's dad would accept money from us, but we don't want to take advantage of him either. How do you discuss money with friends?
Again, I realize this may be a bit early, but feedback would really help DH & mine's inquiring minds right now 
Re: Convo got me thinking...
I think you're REALLY jumping the gun here. I wouldn't talk to this person about watching your child unless you were actually having a child. However, even if you were having a child, I would find it very strange. I know a number of grandparents who watch their grandchildren. This does not mean they are a day care provider or that they want to watch other people's children. It's a weird assumption to make, I think.
But regardless of the assumption, totally inappropriate to talk to him when you're not even TTC or PG.
This is even more annoying than "when are you guys going to have a baby."
Also, jumping the gun.
Very true. I was kind of leaning this way also...this is one of the reason's why I am unsure if it's a good idea or not to have a friend of the family watch your LO or to just outward pay daycare professionals. Thank you for the food for thought!
I know, I am, right?
Guilty.
Very valid points. I appreciate your honesty. That's why I come on here to bounce ideas - I need to know if what I am thinking (or considering doing) is out of line or not.
I know, I realize how it sounds. Our friends' daughter kept saying she wanted a brother or sister & when they were giving us the tour of their new house, they had baby "stuff" stashed away in the one bedroom that isn't being used. So, normally, I couldn't agree w/you more, but it was just casual convo that brought itself up --I didn't clarify that very good.
I think you can park him in the back of your mind as a potential back-up resource.
Deciding on child care arrangments has a great deal to do with establishing expectations and pin-pointng exact details. Like - can he drive the baby and/or take 'his buddy' to the store during the day? That can be a hot button issue. How about something simple - How many days a week can he provide care, how many hours a day? - How could he answer this years in advance?
And of course this man is not going to say "No, I won't babysit your baby the way I babysit my grandhchild" in the middle of a casual GTG. That would be awkward and rude. So, he's really not someone you can take seriously. If/when you know what you are asking and are willing to hammer out an agreement, like when you are PG, just consider him a good friend of the family and excellent resource if you need an experienced care taker in a pinch.
Excellent advice, thank you!
I know he takes his granddaughter places now, but in a few years, his driving ability could definitely change too I guess. I guess I am underestimating that he currently takes care of his grandchild, his blood and that given this child of ours would not be in any way related to him, that could definitely influence his capabilities and tolerances.