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Lurker: Advice - Family vs. Climate
Ok, so the title is a little extreme. But I could really use some unbiased advice/experiences/opinions.
My husband and I moved from Pennsylvania to Florida post college graduation two years ago. I have since obtained my Master's degree and need to decide where I'd like to get licensed. We don't want children for a few years, but they still cross our mind when making major life decisions.
My dilemma is this: We LOVE Florida. Love the weather, love the outdoor activities, etc. We do not love the area we live in (backwoods), but do enjoy other parts of the state. I am an only child, very close to my parents, and my entire family lives in Pennsylvania. When I think about settling down and having children, I cannot imagine wanting to do it without family. However, I am not keen on moving back North, and am apprehensive about the amount of involvement my parents will want in raising our children, as they are very opinionated. Has anyone else dealt with this? My grandmother with whom I was very close passed away this past year, and I have SO much guilt about not being there, that this weighs on my mind when thinking of being far from family as well. Any pointers, suggestions for my pros/cons list, etc would be appreciated. Thank you!
Re: Lurker: Advice - Family vs. Climate
If it were me and my husband i would do this:
make a list of possible places you could live (try researching places where the job market for your degree would be beneficial) that are somewhere in between Florida and Pennsylvania
make a pro con list of each place
make sure to put the most important pros and cons at the top of the list.
i too have an opinionated mother and living 30 minutes away is great because its too far to drop by unannounced but close enough that calling before visiting isnt terrible.
I'm sure you could be licensed in another state if you decide to move later, so that's not really a deal breaker.
You didn't mention what your husband thinks-how would he feel about moving north?
What are the job prospects in both states-for you and your husband? Cost of living? Salaries?
I agree with PP that I'm sure you can get licensed in another state later if need be, so don't let that weigh on your mind too heavily.
I thought Florida was oppressively hot in the summer? Maybe that's just a myth, but Jim Thorpe, PA is actaully one of my favorite places to vacation in the summer - lakes, hiking, biking, river rafting - by far a wonderful destination. Bundle up. Winter in the Northeast can be great if you dress appropriately.
Would your parents ever move to Florida? Maybe be snow birds?
If your family was supportive and you got along great - then I would be inclined to move back to NE when you have children. However, the part in your post about them being over opinionated makes me wonder if that is truly worth it.
It is amazingly how relationships change once you have children - not only your relationship with your husband but of that with your family and friends. I think any time there is a major life change - marriage, kids, divorce, death, etc ... you realize who you really want around you and who is really there for YOU and not there to put themselves on you.
From the small amount of detail you provided - perhaps your family would be more of a challenge than a support being so close them especially once you have children?
As someone who has no desire to leave my hometown, take this for what it's worth...
You have to do what is right for your and your family. And, by "family" I mean you and your husband (and future kids, if that happens). Decide what kind of life you want. Do you want the climate and the ability to do all the things you can do when living in the south? Or, do you want your kids to grow up near their grandparents? What if you don't end up having kids? What would you do then?
And, remember, you can always change your mind later. If you decide to stay in Florida for now, but in five years you decide you want to be closer to your family, then you can move back north at that time. You don't have to make this a permanent decision.
How long have you been in Florida? You love the winter - you might not like the summer so much!
I would keep an open mind, knowing that job situations, family, etc. might all change. I had a friend who wanted to move to a different part of NJ b/c it was cheaper (Southern NJ) and to be closer to the ocean. Her fi/h wanted to be close to his family (Northern NJ). Well, within 5 years, many of his cousins were looking to buy homes and couldn't afford their area - so they moved South. Obviously, this is only a 90 minute difference, but circumstances do change.
Also, if you don't like PA winters - - maybe you could move someplace like the DC Metro area, which is milder than PA, but not as far as Florida?
You can also remember - you can live thousands of miles away and still be "close" to your family, or live down the street and be distant.
You may be surprised by how much your parents will visit if/when the babies come. My parents rarely (maybe once a year) visited us when we lived in Boston, but now that we are 4 states away, and have a baby, they are here just about every other month!
I would not move to where they are, I (nor DH) have no desire to live in the middle of the country. And we were both sick of living in New England (where his family is) so SC was a very nice compromise.
GL deciding.
We are from CT and have not lived in the Northeast (nor will we ever again) in 15 years. I love my family and am very, very clost with them but I would never choose to raise my child somewhere I wasn't totally happy.
We move a lot for work, so have lived in Alabama, Texas, North Carolina, Arizona, California, Virginia and Japan. We're now moving back to NC. We would prefer to live further from family and be in a climate, environment we enjoy. For us it's the South. We will stay in the Carolinas forever.
Of course, my family members love to travel and always love to come see us or meet up somewhere. We just don't need to see them everyday.
I think a pro-con list is a great idea. Both you and your husband need to be in some kind of agreement about this decision.
My husband grew up in the North and HATES cold winters. We live in the South right now because of practical circumstances, but our plan is to move back near my extended family within the next few years (a lot closer to his family as well).
If moving near family is going to make you miserable all of the time, it's probably not worth it. However, if you can bear the cold and you are very close to your family, I would say that family trumps climate in ANY indecision.
I understand about the guilt from a grandparent dying....my grandfather died about seven months ago, and I wasn't there. As recently as last night I still cry about that fact. I have also heard that it is crucial when you have the resources to have good family nearby when you have children.