Starting Over
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
When should I tell him
Once I get the money together, I am going to hire a lawyer and get the paperwork started. This should be in the next few days (I am waiting for my check from stocks I sold to arrive).
My lawyer said that I should probably give my STBXH a heads up so he isn't blind sided. So when do I tell him? Do I tell him now even though I have not hired the lawyer yet, or when I have sent the check and paperwork to the lawyer, or wait until the paperwork has been filed and on his way to him?
I am leaning towards option 2, but I want to see what you wonderful people have to say
Re: When should I tell him
I plan on sending my paperwork to my lawyer next week, and I'm telling h tomorrow night that I met with a lawyer and he'll be getting a letter. I'm also going to give him an idea of what I''m asking for in the separation agreement.
I would tell him once you have sent stuff to the lawyer. I think that way it doesn't look as "bad" to him as if you were to wait until you'd already filed. And I would be like, "Hey, just as a courtesy and because I don't want you to be blindsided...I've started the process. I hope we can be civil through this."
And if he gets d!cky...oh well. It's already done.
Tell him after the papers have been drafted -- like the day you sign them. This way he's not blind-sided but doesn't really have much time to do anything shady.
Thanks everyone. The only thing left in the joint accounts are his portion of the money. I made sure to get my share early on (also so I could afford the lawyer).
I received my check yesterday so it will be deposited today and everything will be sent out today or tomorrow.
I think I will wait a few days after I have sent it to give her time to receive it and start working on it and then tell him. I have retrieved his copy of my house key and car key so he cannot get into my home if I am not there.
I think this is a good approach. Divorce can make people act in ways you would never imagine.
Make sure you are safe and can keep things moving, without him having any ability to interfere with the process.
Best of luck!