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Fed up with X and and at a total loss.
I'm at my wits end with XH. He just absolutely refuses to even make the most meager of attempts to be civil with me. Despite the fact that this man cheated on me, was physically and emotionally abusive with me, and became a lying, unemployed alcoholic, he continues to blame me for the "downfall" of his life. Apparently, its my fault for not putting up with it anymore.
I have had to swallow my pride to try and be nice to him and I'm just tired of doing it. It makes no difference anyway. He had the children all day Saturday (Christmas Eve) and I was supposed to have them all day Sunday. He decided that he wanted them for a few hours on Sunday. Originally, I was just going to say absolutely not, but some small idiotic part of me felt like, hey, he's trying to build more of a relationship with them, who am I to deny them that. So I (generously)agreed to let him have them from 2-6pm Christmas day. Christmas Eve, I was to pick them up at 7pm. Well I arrived to my family's Christmas party that night and my nieces, nephews, and cousins kids were there, who are all around my kids ages. I was really missing them and knowing they would be having a blast with the other kids. So I (nicely) texted XH asking if I could come get the kids an hour early and the reasoning. His response: "Nah, 7 is fine." Okay, so thats his right but it had me fuming considering the fact that I had agreed to give him a few unscheduled hours the next day. But fine.
I arrive at his house to pick up kids at 7 that night. I knock at the door. XH, opens door, sticks his head out and says "Wait a minute, they are not ready." Slams door in my face and LOCKS it. As if I'm going to break in. So I stand outside in the cold waiting. He finally comes out with them AND a friend of his who I never got along with. In fact, this friend threatened me physically once when he tried to get involved in issues between X and I. This friend is XH's oldest and most pathetic drinking buddy. At one point I told XH he was no longer allowed in our home because every time he was there, they would get drunk and X and I would end up in a HUGE fight. So this friend is there and not only is he there, he walks out to the car with X and the kids, being all fake like "Its nice to see you Abear2, always a pleasure." Obviously, some tension was there. Then I noticed that both kids had the same clothes on as the day before and my daughters diaper was SOAKED. Now I was beyond fuming.
When I got back to my family's house, I texted him that the kids would NOT be coming over the next day, they would be staying with me as originally planned and said that he needs to be taking better care of his kids. He responds by telling me he won't be giving me a check this week (HA, like he does any week.) He starts accusing me of being a bad mom blah blah blah and I'm using the kids to hurt him. He ends the conversation telling me to do him a favor and get cancer. Whatta peach right? The thing is, I honestly could care less if he is hurting. I genuinely only care about my kids here and I felt the fact that this friend was around and the fact that they did not have clean clothes/diaper, he had been neglectful. He will hear none of this from me. He just sees me as the huge biotch who ruined his life and will never listen to one word I say.
I'm so on the fence here. I want my kids to have a relationship with their father and don't want to be the one to interfere with that, but at the same time, I know this man and I don't think he will do anything but let them down. I'm debating going back to court. I know I have to because he is not paying child support, but I'm starting to wonder if he needs supervised visitation. He has cancelled his visitation with them many times and now I'm documenting it.
I guess this is a bit of a vent, but I also would like to know....WWSOD?
On a side note, during this argument we had, XH had some knowledge about my personal life that he had no business knowing and I have no clue how he came to get that knowledge. Honestly, I don't want to know and I'm a little frightened. He doesn't even know my address.
Re: Fed up with X and and at a total loss.
I would contact your lawyer and advise him/her about what has been going on.
I probably would have had supervised visits from the get go just due to the abuse and drinking. I don't think I would allow DD to be with her dad if he were like that and then to get the children back dirty and wet...I would stop allowing him to see them unless supervised.
Maybe you can even go to court tomorrow.
Ditto this. I would contact your lawyer and document that your daughter's diaper was soaked, and if he had been drinking I would put that in as well.
Obviously, you can't document that he is acting like an a$$.
Also, don't give him any extra time that is not in the CO. If you vary from that enough, (in some states) it can be used to as proof that your x really doesn't have to go by the CO and it will bit you in the butt.