Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Friends with Benefits
Another newbie question. I want a FWB until I get more comfortable with dating. I do have a potential FWB. How does this work? Do I set the rules? Ideally I want someone I can have fun with but not develop feelings for. I also dont want to have it get in my way of meeting potential future dates.
If you have had a successful FWB situation - what have been your lessons learned?
Thanks!
Re: Friends with Benefits
I had one for a while and it was fun, but when it ended, it ended badly. I think you have to be totally honest with yourself that you have NO feelings whatsoever. Honestly if you're looking to date other people I don't think a FWB situation is for you. Mine worked well because I wasn't interested in going on dates or having an actual relationship, I just wanted to have some "fun" you know? I'd focus your energy on dating instead. But that's just my two cents. Perhaps others with more successful FWB situations will have better advice.
I also had a FWB and it ended extremely badly. He went nuts when I called it off. He started getting extremely controlling and even tattooed my name on his chest.
I am sure it works for some people, but I will never have a FWB again. I will stick with BOB.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
You have to be honest with yourself and the other person. Make rules that you're comfortable with. What do you want a FWB for? Just sex, cuddling but no dinners out, stress fuucks, fantasies, etc? Make it clear whether you'll be exclusive or not. Safety is a must for me so I'm very upfront about condoms and testing. Since the relationship is based on sex, it's important to be upfront and honest.
I have one now and we're FWB for fantasies, horny days and stress relief. We both have lives and want different things and I told him that I am not limiting myself to him (even though I'm not sleeping with anyone else) and that he should continue to look for what he wants (a gf).
We're both busy and hook up every now and then. I haven't seen him in almost a month though. I wasn't feeling it for a while and didn't call him but now that we're back in touch, I'll see him next week probably. Just today, my FWB just found me on a dating website and it would have been awkward had I not told him that I was going to be looking around.
If you can handle it emotionally it's great, but it doesn't work for a lot of people and feelings can get involved. Sex and emotions are often intertwined. Some people say they will only have an FWB with someone they wouldn't date and others say, if the person isn't good enough to date, then why would you sleep with them? It's a matter of what you're comfortable with.
It is so much harder to navigate banging someone with no emotional involvement than it is to date. Please just date people, and wait till you find someone you'd like to sleep with that you can also have an actual relationship with.
Have you ever had a long term sexual relationship with a man without developing feelings for him or him for you?
Have you ever had a man you had sex with too soon/without feeling on your end, who then became attached to you but you were not attached to him, and how well/badly did that relationship end? How much pain did he have?
Have you ever had a man that you had sex with too soon, where he never had feelings for you but you had feelings for him, and he used you just for sex despite your caring and feelings? How did that make you feel?
These are the pitfalls of FWB; not counting unintended pregnancy with someone you don't care about, or stds, or genital warts or herpes, or just missing out on a really nice man because he thought you were tied to the FWB guy. Or the guy who decided not to continue dating you because he doesn't think casual sex with people you don't care about is an attractive thing in a person.