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How long do you give it?

I'm online dating and have met a few guys (each one time) that are nice (and a few that are a bit creepy).  But, my question is, how long do you keep in contact with someone without that spark or amazing fireworks?  I know first (and second?) dates can be awkward, so I would tend to give guys at least that much.  Just wondered if anyone had advice - I'm new to this (been with the same guy for the past 15 years), so I feel clueless.  Cut my lossses early if there isn't a "wow" factor or give it 4 or more dates? 

Re: How long do you give it?

  • For me it depends.  If we get along, then usually 1-3 dates if I think there could be something there.  In other words, long enough to make certain that there is no chemistry.  I went on 4 or 5 dates with someone before I met S.  While he was very nice, and there was a little bit of a spark, it wasn't something thr could turn into a relationship.  With S, the spark was there right off, so take that as you will
  • I don't know about others, but I personally find if there is no spark from the start, there isn't going to be one. I've definitely tried to give it a chance to grow and for me, it doesn't work. With my current BF the chemistry was undeniable and I left our first date with no doubt that there would be 2nd date and possibly more!
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  • Here are my guidelines:

    2-3 minutes of inperson conversation to figure out if I might want to go on a date with them.

    2-3 dates to see if I would want a romantic relationship with them.

    2-3 months of dating to see if I am falling in love with them.

    2-3 years to see if this is a person I want to marry. 

  • I would give it 2-3 dates.  There wasn't much of a spark with L on our first date, but he grew on me big time during the second and third dates.  Good luck!
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  • I generally find that if I don't feel a spark from the get-go, one doesn't develop for me. If I'm on the fence I will give it one more.
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  • I didn't keep going with anyone who I didn't feel a definite spark with on the first date.

    That said, I can see wanting to give someone you liked a second chance, in case they weren't feeling well on the first date, or some other random circumstances. But that would be it for me. No third chances.

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  • imagestarburst604:
    I don't know about others, but I personally find if there is no spark from the start, there isn't going to be one. I've definitely tried to give it a chance to grow and for me, it doesn't work. With my current BF the chemistry was undeniable and I left our first date with no doubt that there would be 2nd date and possibly more!

    This exactly. If the spark isn't there, it isn't there. If I went out with a super nice guy and there wasn't a spark, I would occasionally give it a second date to see if there was anything there, but there never was, so I would usually just cut my losses after the first date.

    I will say though, that the above really only ever happened with people that I didn't take my time getting to know via chat/email/text/phone whatever so there wasn't really anything "there" by the time we met. With the guy that I am currently seeing, we spent a few weeks getting to know each other before meeting in person, by the time we had our first date, the sparks were undeniable.

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  • When I was online dating if I knew there was nothing there, regardless of how nice he was, I didn't do a second date. If there seemed to be potential, I'd give it another date or two. But honestly, when I met bf, I knew I wanted more dates immediately if not sooner. And apparently he did, too, because within an hour of getting home he had texted me asking me out again.
  • imagehainesherway:
    I would give it 2-3 dates.  There wasn't much of a spark with L on our first date, but he grew on me big time during the second and third dates.  Good luck!

    This is the same for me. My first date w/ BF there wasn't a big spark, but we had so much in common that I wanted to do a second date and see where it led. The second date was much better, and the third even better, and so on. Had we not had so much in common though, I'm not sure I would have done a second date.

  • If there isn't a spark (at least a little one) on the first date, then I will not continue dating the person. This is mainly because there was not a spark with my XH, and I continued dating him anyway, and eventually the lack of chemistry caught up with us (even though we got along great). So, I don't want to make that mistake again.
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  • Thanks for the all the feedback ladies - it was super helpful!!   I love hearing the perspective of others, especially since it happens differently for others. 
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