Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Thought from the remarrying post
The only reason I feel like I would have to wait a longer time to get engaged/married than what I really think is necessary is because I feel like I have something to prove. Especially to my family since they all attended my previous wedding and saw how that worked out. My dad said to me, "You just HAD to rush and get married. You couldn't wait." XH and I got married after two years of being together. I don't think that is unreasonable but since my dad apparently does it makes me feel like I have to stretch it out.
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Re: Thought from the remarrying post
I agree with you that 2 years seems like ample enough time. I am learning it?s more of being in a right relationship rather than the timeline of dating.
I wish I had the secret for finding a partner for a lasting marriage but I don't, apparently every relationships is different. Some met and married within 2 weeks and been married for more than 30 years while some dated for several years and the marriage fizzled rather fast.
Just be true to yourself and know what your boundaries are in a relationship.
Ouch, that's harsh of your dad, NP.
For me a year would be too soon to get engaged. I feel like the time before the engagement is more...important? telling? than the time of being engaged. Maybe that's because I feel like people would be more likely to break up if it wasn't right if they weren't engaged, whereas I think some people (and I include myself in this group - well, my former pre-XH self) have a harder time breaking off a relationship they know isn't right when the engagement is already in place.
I get what you're saying though, about feeling like you have something to prove for the second time around. Really you don't - your life is your life and you can live it how you want - but I too often care what other people think.
I guess that's just my wordy way of saying - I sympathize.
I can also identify with this. During my last engagement there were a few times when we talked about calling off the wedding but it was harder to do with deposits put down, invitations sent out. Really, it should have been done anyway but at the time it was enough to put it aside and convince myself (and let others convince me) that it was just nerves.
Yup me too. Though the time I remember most vividly is right before my dad walked me down the aisle and I wanted to just GTFO of dodge. But I convinced myself it was just cold feet and went ahead with it. Hindsight is 20/20
I don't think the amount of time has much to do with it. My parents were married about a year after they met (engaged after 8 months, eloped in Nevada a few months later, and it wasn't a shotgun marriage) and they've been together over 30 years. My grandmother knew her first husband for her entire life, and he ended up being an abusive, alcoholic a-hole who neglected his kids. She married her second husband after about 6 months of knowing him, and they were together until his death and she still considers him the great love of her life.
You should live your life for yourself, and do what makes you happy. It doesn't really matter what anyone else things. And for the record, 2 years isn't really rushing into a marriage IMO.