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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Friends of the opposite sex
For those of you who are in a relationship.. does your SO care if you have friends of the opposite sex?
I have a friend from HS that is a male. He lives an hour away but sometimes if he comes through town he will want to grab lunch and catch up. My SO doesn't like the idea of me going out with a guy one-on-one. I don't see the big deal. I could see if it was going out for drinks all night or something but lunch or coffee?
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Re: Friends of the opposite sex
My H doesn't exactly like it. However he knows that I don't get along with most women and have very few female friends and so I am going to hang out with males.
He gets jealous and he requests that I don't drink if I am alone with a guy (I get VERY flirting when drinking so I usually only do it when H is with me or there is a group of people) and I respect that. He trusts me.
I have a lot of male friends. He has a lot of female friends. We have a high level of trust and don't begrudge one another those friendships.
I also think your SO is being a little ridiculous. It's lunch with an old friend, FFS!
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
FF and I don't really have this issue, but even if we did I know it would really be a non-issue.
Having lunch with an old friend is harmless.
That is a bit much that he's not comfortable with you doing that. He either trusts you or he doesn't... has he told you exactly what his fears are?
D's wife cheated on him (she met the guy while she was in AA) and we had that discussion early on about what makes us comfortable about interactions with the opposite sex. He said he would prefer that if I went out to lunch/coffee with someone of the opposite sex that it be in a group, but ultimately he has to trust me until I give him reason to think otherwise.I don't have that many male friends and if I do, they're gay so it's been a non-issue.
I also had an emotional affair as I was leaving my exH and I NEVER thought I'd be the type of person to do that. I was so unhappy at the time that I allowed it to happen so I'm very aware of the types of situations I put myself in now. I also make sure that I'm happy with myself first and foremost and my relationship.
Yes, his mom started having an affair on his dad with someone that was a friend of hers.There was also a similar story that happened to one of his best friends so he is a little jaded. He didn't say I couldn't hang out with my friend but he said it makes him feel uncomfortable. I told him he is being ridiculous.
It depends, I do think in this day and age of this world, there is way too much rooms for things to go astray. It depends on how other people know you and how respect is portrayed. You don't want to leave room for harmful gossip which can ruin relationships and doubts based on untrue information being carried around.
Normally its no big deal to have lunch with a male friend but when you are with a SO, I do think to some degree it is different than when you are single.
BF and I both have friends of the opposite sex. We know about the others and have met most of them.
The only one that made me uncomfortable was his ex (first love, etc). She is the type that wants to be bffs with him when she doesn't have a "boy toy" and when she has some guy she is messing around with he doesn't hear from her. It was almost like she used him for male attention when she wasn't getting it elsewhere. I think he realized this was the case (after several people pointed it out to him) and has really minimized contact with her. I think she has figured out that he is no longer her "go to" for male attention now that he is in a serious relationship, because she sent me an email saying how nice it is to see him so happy and she is glad he found someone like me, and since then he hasn't heard much from her. She lives two hours away and the last time she invited him to meet for lunch he asked me to join him. That made me feel more comfortable with their friendship because after meeting her, I know they are really just friends now.