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Birth Story (really long)
Let me preface by saying I have an extreme fear of all things medical. The thought of an IV or epidural has given me anxiety since I got pregnant. I dreaded each prenatal appointment, always had high blood pressure and was known in the lab as the girl who needed the small needle.
To avoid all of the "medical' side of birth, and to work through the anxiety I have towards doctors, hospitals and procedures, I decided to go natural and do Hypnobirthing. I loved the classes, loved the Doula that taught them and love the whole concept of self-hypnosis. It is a skill that will come in handy the rest of my life.
My contractions started on Wednesday night. They weren't consistent but weren't far apart either. By early Thursday morning I was in the tub with contractions every three minutes lasting about 45-50 sec. I was relaxed enough to be able to sleep between them in the tub and was sure we would be having a baby that day. As soon as I was up and moving and we were putting the cover on the carseat and getting ready to go, the contractions slowed down. They went from being consistent to sporadic so we decided to keep the Dr. appt I had for that afternoon and to see what happened.
We went to the Dr. and I had a high BP reading which was nothing new, the last month I had high readings and was being monitored for possible Pre-E. This time I had protein in my urine. I was checked and was at 3cm and 90%, the Dr was sure I would deliver that night but had to schedule an induction for Friday morning just in case due to the mild pre-e.
I was pretty heart broken at the induction being scheduled. One of myy biggest fears was pitocin. We went home determined to get labor going again and sure enough my contractions came back, just not close together. I had contractions every 10 minutes all night long. I spent the entire night on the ball working through the contractions and trying to face my fear of induction.
I took a shower and we got ready to go to the hospital. My DH let me cry on him and talk through all of my anxiety about birth and had me laughing by the time we left. He knew exactly what I needed.
We checked in at 9am and I asked if it was possible for me to walk and try to get things going on my own before immediately starting pitocin. I had an AMAZING nurse who said I could do anything I wanted, even let me avoid getting the hep-lock. She was all about Hypnobirthing and letting the patient choose the course of the birth.
The Dr. gave me an hour and said our next option would be to break my water and to see where that went. We walked and walked and walked and I had three contractions in that hour. It was incredibly frustrating to be at the hospital and not at home like we had planned. Our nurse was able to distract the Dr and told us to walk more and to come back in another hour. Nothing happened.
The Dr came in and broke my water and there was merconium. I was dialated to 4cm. Again I asked if we could walk and push things along naturally. The Dr agreed and we were off again, this time up and down the stairs two at a time (not a good idea, my legs were pretty sore the next day). We did this for another hour or so and came back for monitoring per the nurse's instructions. She said the Dr was in another delivery and was distracted so to go keep walking while I could before they pushed the pitocin.She knew that once I started the pitocin the changes of other interventions were high and I was on a downhill slope.
My contractions were about 5 minutes apart at this point. At 4pm, I was checked again and still at 4cm. I had been between 3 & 4 for 26 hours and my blood pressure was still high so I had run out of time for drug free. They started an IV and pitocin and I was stuck in the room. It was horrible. As soon as I had the IV in I could only move about two feet from the bed and my only option other than standing or laying on the bed was the birth ball. The tub was off limits because I had to be constantly monitored.
The contractions immediately got incredibly intense and painful instead of just feeling like pressure. They were on top of each other. I was in the zone, using all of the Hypnobirthing techniques and feeling like the toughest woman on earth. Around 7:30pm there was a shift change and the new nurse came in and started talking to DH about NICU and merconium and risks etc. I couldn't block the conversation out and popped out of the hypnosis so fast. I was pissed, she just kept talking to me about all of these options and interventions and while I was trying to ignore her and let DH interject and tell her our birth plan which she had failed to read, she just got under my skin. After she left I tried to get back into the relaxation but I was having big problems as the shift change really changed the atmosphere. She came in and asked that I be checked, at this point because the contractions were so close and intense in my head I was sure I was at 7cm and agreed. I wasn't, still at 4.
The Dr and nurses left and I had a full on meltdown. I was so upset that I was having problems relaxing, mad that I couldn't just get in the tub which I knew would help and discouraged that even with all of the incredible pain I hadn't progressed. I asked for the epidural. DH pushed back and it took some convincing to let him know I was seriously not going to make it through the contractions any longer if I couldn't do it the way I wanted (moving around or in water). The new nurse was also all about interventions and I was so angry that I couldn't get past it.
I was terrified of the IV for the pitocin and it had taken two nurses, my DH and my mom to calm me down enough to get it, the epidural was just as scary. Once it was in I could still feel the contractions and was having a really hard time working through them as being on my back was my least favorite position. They upped the pitocin and I was given the "adequate time for contractions to make progress" and "if it looks like the baby won't fit" speech from the nurse which pissed me off even more. I was not going to go from no interventions to a c-section because I wasn't on their schedule or they though a baby wouldn't fit.
Once I calmed down and accepted that I needed to let my body work to avoid any more interventions things seemed better. Unfortunately with the upped pitocin, the baby's heart rate was dropping scary low not during contractions but after so I had to have the internal fetal monitor and the pressure catheter, both things I was against.
The contractions continued and I was in the zone back into my relaxation and hypnosis when the Dr.s came running in upset with the baby's heart rate still. They were sure the cord was being compressed and it was due to my water having been broken earlier in the day so I was given an amnioinfusion to add some fluid back to my uterus to pad the baby and the cord.
I had progressed from 4cm to 8cm in two hours and that was honestly the best news I had heard all day. About a half hour after I started feeling incredibly sick and lots of pressure and was back to having to work through my contractions. I knew I was in transition. Sure enough when I was checked, I was 10cm and ready to push. It had only taken two and a half hours with the epidural to progress.
The Dr came in and gave me the "it could take three hours to push" speech. In my head I knew it wouldn't. The Dr left and asked the nurse to see what happened with a few practice pushes. I was crowning within three pushes and she called for the Dr.s. Twenty minutes later Finnegan was born with a complete knot in his cord and was blue enough to bring in the NICU team. It was incredibly scary, especially after the hours of listening to his heartbeat decrease. My placenta was also small due to the pre-e.
After about 15 minutes of the nurses working on him I was finally able to hold him. Amazing, all of the fear, anxiety and pain was suddenly worth it. I had a minor tear, the Dr said it wasn't even big enough to warrant telling girlfriends about.
All in all, it was not the birth experience I wanted and I'm working through all of that in my head. I'm pretty sure that given a few more hours I could have gone natural without all of the interventions and he would have been born ok. I'm convinced that pitocin is the devil. I loved all of the doctors and while my nurse wasn't my favorite she did a good job with handling my anxiety and fear.
I think the most incredible part of the whole birth experience, other than the baby, was my DH. He was my rock, I just cannot put into words how scared I was of the whole process and he was the most supportive, caring and incredible advocate for all that I wanted. He stood up to the nurses for me and when he started talking to them about interventions and what I really wanted on my behalf I realized how much he had listened to me and the classes. He's a joker by nature and kept the mood light, kept me calm through all of the procedures and not once did he flinch at anything. He watched it all and held my hand through it all and never showed any fear. I am pretty sure I'm more in love with him now than I ever have been. He won't read this but I had to get it out in the universe.
I know there are a few ladies on this board that have serious anxiety about all things medical as well. Let me be the proof, nothing was near as bad as I thought it was in my head. The hardest part was getting through the anxiety, not the actual procedures. Birth may push you as far as you thought you could go but it is worth it!
Also, I want to say thank you for all of the juju and the posts of encouragement when I posted last week about doubting myself and my abilities of going natural. I certainly channeled the juju through it all!
Re: Birth Story (really long)
Congrats on facing your fears! Thanks for sharing.
I love his name! Are you calling him Finn?
Are you united with the CCOKCs?
Congratulations! I'm glad you were able to battle through your fears. It is truely amazing how the things that seem so important become less so (but not completely inconsequential) once you have that baby in your arms.
Kudos to your DH. Those husbands are often stronger and smarter than we give them credit for
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Shawn and Larissa
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You are AMAZING!!! Congrats!!!!
Congratulations!! I was wondering how things went for you! What a birth story! Hard but worth it in the end for such a handsome boy. I love the name.
I think you should def write a positive feedback for your first nurse. That's rare and she was truly advocating for you!
I also want to say that you should tell your Hubby what you wrote here! What an amazing birth partner, partner you have for life, and father that your baby boy has to look up to!!
Hope you are doing well at home!!
Congratulations - you did awesome. Births often go off-plan, but you pushed through anyway and now you have a precious little boy to hold.
(Great name, btw)
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