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Not the relationship type?
I'm starting to realize that I think I'm just not a relationship person. Is anyone else in this same boat? I'd enjoy dating someone and maybe seeing them once a week or so and to enjoy some fun times, maybe take an occasional trip together, but I really only want it to be casual.
I have no desire to ever live with someone, wake-up next to or go to bed with someone. I love being alone and doing what I want, when I want and not having someone in my day-to-day life. With my friends I feel differently, I love having them around.
The real downside for me is that this works great while I have some single friends, but they all desire relationships (which I totally get is the norm), but I fear eventually I won't ever have people to hang out with on the regular as they couple off.
Am I the only weirdo like this?
Re: Not the relationship type?
I don't think you are a weirdo on this one. I know someone who is married but feels the same way as you. A lot more days she wished she could be alone and not be married.
I am the opposite, I am a relationship person and wants to be in a relationship. I am a hopeless romantic. But given my history, I want to become more like you and become a non relationship person. Not sure if I can change my way of thinking or not.
No, I'm sure you're not.
And it's okay to live the rest of your life like this if that's what you continue to want. Though I do see how it could become less fun to live this lifestyle if you can't find anyone to spend time with all (friends or otherwise). That is a very real problem that you'd have to figure out.
I know when I was married, I enjoyed it mostly when we were doing awesome double-date things with this really cool married couple friends of ours. XH got along awesomely with the husband, and I was really close friends with the wife, so we could get together and do girl stuff/guy stuff, or hang out as a foursome. It was amazing, always fun, and I LOVED those times.
But then get XH and I alone? Not as fun anymore.
Add to that, this: After I asked for the divorce and moved out, I rediscovered my single side. I went out on bar crawls with friends (mix of single, bf/gf/married), stayed out til 3 a.m., and flirted unabashedly on the dance floor. THAT was really freaking fun, too, and I loved it.
But me sitting at home alone three weekends in a row because there is no one who wants to go out to bars when I do? Not as fun anymore.
I'm writing all of this out because I think part of the decision about relationships has to do with what kind of lifestyle you want to lead. What inherently makes you happy? Coming home to someone you can share your daily life, happiness, and troubles with? Or coming home alone, and keeping your socializing light and more separate from you?
I think I have learned from the experiences described above more about what I want a future long-term relationship (marriage or otherwise) to look like. I am thankful to have had the opportunity to learn that. And it's not constant double-dates of Scrabble and movies at home, nor is it weekend after weekend of bars, drinking, and being social. (I won't continue to jack this thread by describing what it actually is, but you see where I'm going
)
I like you pdx, and I am rooting for you
It seems like the hopeless romantic side of me only made a big mess of my life. I just need to find the right guy, that seems impossible right now.
Thanks Only! I like your perspective and thanks for "rooting" for me:)
And honestly the coupling off of friends is what concerns me. But I really have no desire to come home to anyone ever. I'm not saying that won't necessarily change if I meet the right person, but I really enjoy my alone time.
You're right though, three weekends alone isn't a good time. I don't necessarily live a wild single life by any means. It's lots of low-key dinners with friends, an occasional night out, movies, etc.
Deep down what really makes me happy is coming home alone. I love it. When people announce an engagement my first reaction is to say "I'm sorry." Of course I don't and manage a really good level of excitement.
I think part of the problem is that I've never been in love with anyone ever so I just don't "get" it. And because my marriage was so awful I really don't have any good exposure to how this could possible be a positive thing.
I felt this way for a bit right after my divorce... really just enjoyed my time alone and not having to deal with someone else. I had no desire for a relationship - even very casual.
Now I live alone and have for the past 1.5 years. For the most part I enjoy it because I can do what I want,etc. However I just spent 2 weeks with my brothers and realized that having other people around can be really fun and I don't want to live alone for the rest of my life.
I need to make sure the people in my life life make me laugh and support me when I need it...aren't too serious and can find the humor in life. It reminds me of the movie up in the air when he says life is better when you have someone to share it with... to me this rings true when I am with the right person... my ex wasn't the right one for me but I am hopeful that I will find the right one.
This is a big change in my thinking because until recently I had no hope at all!
I re-read my post and realized it doesn't make a lot of sense, haha.
But mostly what I was trying to say is that you should figure out what kind of lifestyle makes you happiness, and look for personal relationships (friendships and romantic) that fit into that.
I know people say "when you find the right person," what you want can change, presumably to include them, but I think that's dangerous. I subscribe to the theory that you should find someone who complements you, NOT someone who completes you, so the idea of having to change parts of who I am to fit someone into my life doesn't sit well with me.
Having said THAT, when two people are together long enough, they often grow and change together. And I don't think that's bad or wrong. Quite the opposite. But I think it should be as natural a change as possible on both parties' parts, and they should be both be happy about it.
Well, that's a lot of "ideally" and "should" talk, and we know real life is messier than that, but eh.
I've been living apart for almost a year and and half. Divorced since March. Even when I was married I didn't like it. Of course that could be partly the person, we did have independent lives and such, but most times I would be annoyed he was home and hated that I couldn't just do my own thing when I got home like eat oreos and watch bad reality TV. Of course we weren't that compatible so that could be part of it.
And Sharic I totally agree with you about how annoying it is with friends trying to find someone everytime we go out. I want to hang out with them, not worry about finding some guy.
Even as a child I never pictured my life with someone. I feel like it's something that's just missing in me.
This is me. I may get flamed for admitting it but I HATE being married. I love my husband desperately and we are trying to make things work but if I had to do it over again I definately wouldn't.
Not weird at all.
I used to be like that, envisioning a life solo. Always thought I'd be that that crazy cat lady. Then I met a guy who was all about being a couple, marriage, and family. After 5 years of dating, we married and I got used to being a couple and enjoyed it. But after starting a family he freaking ditched me, emotionally anyway (turned out his "all about family" was the fantasy family, not the 3am wake ups and poppy diapers). So even in our "happy little family" I was alone again. I got used to that too and way okay with it (til his cheating started)
Now I'm divorcing and scared to be alone (esp living completely alone the days my kids will be with their dad). I know I will adjust and be fine, but the transition is scary
I think I may get a cat or two