Sex & Romance
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very little sex drive

Help! My DH and I have been married for almost 14 months now and starting even before the wedding, I was struggling with my sex drive. I am not sure what happened but for the first year of our relationship (we have been together in total for about 3 1/2 years) we had sex all the time. Now, I am lucky to be in the mood once a week.  

He is, of course, always in the mood and I feel terrible because I almost never want to have sex. I don't know what to do at this point. Or what to try...

I also experience pain during sex. It often feels like very focused cramps. I had a pelvic exam after the pain started and the dr said there was nothing abnormal and just suggested using lube (which we were already using).  

Has anyone else had this problem?  

Re: very little sex drive

  • What has changed since then? Did you start taking certain types of meds that can wreck a libido and/or start taking bcps?

    If it is possibly a med thing, talk to your doc about having your meds adjusted or replaced with another kind of med that doesn't interfere with a libido.

    Have you masturbated? I suggest you start if you do not -- you'll be psyched for sex once you find out what makes you orgasm -- then show him.

    I suggest another exam with another doc -- you could have an organic problem (endometriosis, a cyst, a fibroid or another medical issue like vaginisimus or interstitial cystitis) or it could be psychological in nature.

    In the meanwhile, start small -- try inviting him into the shower with you or you jump in with him. How could he possibly resist you while you're in a shower with him?:)

    You and he have been together 3 and a half years -- twice a week for sex would probably be great.:)  GL. 

     

  • This exact same thing was/is happening to me.  I know exactly what your going through.  I would cry because of the pain sometimes and because of the emotional stress it would put on me.  I wanted to please my husband because I have only been married to him for 3 months and i was dreading having sex bc it was so painful.  

     I went to the doctor and she put me on these things call "vagifem" its a pill in an applicator that is supposed to give you more estrogen.  My birth control was not giving me enough estrogen so this little pill is allowing my body to say "its ok to get turned on!" I am only on my 2nd week of the pill so I can't really tell you if it is working yet or not.  But I was willing to try ANYTHING!!

     

    I hope this helps :)  

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  • More about your issues --- you may also have an intact hymen; also have them check you for hormonal imbalances.

    An intact hymen can be rectified through minor surgery, usually in-house in a doc's office. GL.
  • imageTarponMonoxide:
    More about your issues --- you may also have an intact hymen; also have them check you for hormonal imbalances.

    An intact hymen can be rectified through minor surgery, usually in-house in a doc's office. GL.

    That's might be the reason.

  • I'm having a similar problem.  Not so much the pain, but the seriously low sex drive.  DH is always ready to go and I am never in the mood.  I don't know what to do. 
  • Ugh! I can totally relate to all of you as well!! not really painful just very low!!  We have been together for 7 years and it never used to be like that! when we first starting dating it would be all the time!! now I could care less which is not the way it should be when you have been married for 2 week :(
  • Wow, I hate to to sound negative, but there isn't always a solution to this one. I'm no expert - only been married 3 years (been together for almost 6), but this is a very normal part of life. We aren't old, only in our late 20's, but our sex drives have both shifted over time (since we met in our earlier 20's & did it a lot). Since then, we've have a baby, that changes A LOT. Life does go on, I'm not saying sex is over once you have a kid. But there is less opportunity, and even less desire more often than not. Also hormones and libido lower as you age, this is normal & even if your husband hasn't adjusted yet, he will with time. If he is a good guy, he will understand & you will grow through this together.
  • imageangielove1:
    Ugh! I can totally relate to all of you as well!! not really painful just very low!!  We have been together for 7 years and it never used to be like that! when we first starting dating it would be all the time!! now I could care less which is not the way it should be when you have been married for 2 week :(

     

    OMG!!!! I can totally related. My DH and I had been together 4 yrs before we got married. We had an arguement about a month after our wedding about my lack of desire for sex. I have to start making a conscious effort to have sex more. Even though I may not be intially all in, I'm always glad we did it. We're still not having sex as much as he would like, but a lot more than we use to 

     

    Anniversary BabyFruit Ticker
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