Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
since we are 4 days in to the New Year
Has anyone made any big changes? Planning on making changes for 2012? Not just resolutions but things to do differently now that we have a "clean slate"
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Re: since we are 4 days in to the New Year
I spent sunday burning old photos of XH. I found them and they are his from way before we met. About 3/4 are of him in his underwear that were taken by his 1st wife. They weren't bad photos or anything but he would always lounge around the house in his underwear. It was a total pet peeve of mine because people couldn't just drop in. Plus I'm sure DS doesn't want to have photos of a man he doesn't remember and in his underwear.
I also burned my old journal. I had posts from 8 years ago and felt like burning it was releasing me from all the crap I went through over that time.
The biggest change of all is coming next week as I'm breaking things off with Z.
I've spent it having fun!
On Sunday I had a date that ended at a country western bar (score--my date wears cowboy boots). On Sunday that same man and I went to a shooting range. I'm seeing him again today for lunch (before he goes OOT for work until next week). Tonight I start my volleyball league. Tomorrow I'm meeting a friend on a layover at the airport and having lunch. Friday I'm going to see a live band at a local bar with a friend.
Honestly, I'm going whatever the eff I want and having a blast!
I'm sorry to hear that, Jaksmom.
I've taken more camera shots of DS which was something I wanted to do more often for the new year.
I have also kept my home clean everyday so far keeping the place safe for my 15 month son.
I've taken more time to think positive of myself everyday or at least say out loud something good about me in hope it becomes more natural as the days goes on.
These are all very simple things but so far is making big strides on my daily walk in life. I hate to think where I came from which was a very bad place, I am so thankful for the opportunity to change and make things better.
!!!! whaaa?
I'm applying to grad school next week. Eeeeeekkkkk!
I officially gave notice with my landlord. I'm set to move in with BF sometime in February.
I signed up for my very first fitness boot camp. It doesn't begin until the spring, but I'm so ready to get my ass back in gear. This weekend I'm going to switch my gym membership too - I need one closer to my house.
This! What happened??? I'm so sorry:(
I'm signing up for a dance class, as soon as I can find one that fits my interests/budget. I danced for 18 years, and I miss it like crazy.
I'm going to quit waiting for the other shoe to drop. Difficult, yes, but absolutely necessary.
I missed this too. What happened?!
I went to my first yoga class on Monday, and will be going every Monday for at least a month to see how much I like it and if it makes a difference in how I feel.
I haven't had any pop (when I used to have one a day - it's free at my work). I'm not completely restricting myself from pop, but I need to not have it be an every day thing.
I'm sorry
Yah, what?? Was this about how you posted earlier about not being sure about your feelings towards him and thinking it had to do with your past relationship experiences? FWIW, I have gone through those feelings before and it usually means I'm "just not that into" him, unfortunately.
It started back in Oct after we went away to NY. I came back and something changed. I blamed it on my bc (i'm currently not on any). The deep sadness left but my feelings for him never went back. Then over the weekend I did some self evaluation and some long deep thinking about things. When I said he had never been in a real relationship since high school, I wasn't kidding. I've been spoon feeding him a relationship. "this is how we act" "this is what we do" "In a relationship these are things to be mentioned". I have so much stress on my plate that it was really taking the fun out of it.
He also stopped taking me out or suggesting places to go. I was arranging it all and paying for it all only to find out he isn't hurting for money as he has $50k in savings, wtf?!. I left out the detail that while home visiting his parents that he went out to dinner with another female. It was his old commander that he promised to take out and show her places and he was keeping his promise but never thought to share this with me.
This past new years I kept myself drunk because he drove me crazy. I cooked dinner only for him to keep checking behind me to see if I made it right. He has never made this before therefore doesn't know what goes in it. I'm learning to cook but this is one thing I knew how to cook and have done so for years. Then made the comment to my mom that "when I get in my house, he's going to show me how to add things to it" wtf!? Nothing gets add to chicken n dumplings that I hadn't already put in it. He also was alittle forceful keeping myson from trying to go outside and bumped his head in to the granite table. After that night I was just over it.
Here is the real sign. My face has been broken out for months now and I've tried everything. Since coming to the fact that I need to break it off, I actually slept well and my face cleared up the next morning. The only reason I'm waiting until next week to do it, is I have a counseling appt tuesday and want to talk to her first.
Definitely sounds like the best decision. Especially the part about him being too forceful with DS. I remember I was seeing someone who told DS "no!" really harshly when he was going after a lamp (he was 10 months at the time) and that was it for me. Obviously I shouldn't have had him around DS so soon (and that's another trainwreck story) but it definitely showed me how he'd act towards him and I wasn't ok with it at all.
I'm glad that you finally slept well and got some peace. It sounds like it was stemming from repressed emotions about your relationship.
I agree with the others, jaksmom -- sounds like a good decision.
But I'm still sorry that you have to go through a breakup. Always sucky. At least you know you can bounce back
Hugs jaksmom! Sorry to hear that you are breaking things off, but it sounds like its for the best.
So, one of my biggest goals for this year is to try not to talk about my XH so much. And part of what I plan on doing to help this is to actually get out and do stuff. Although 2011 was a great year for me, it was also one was pretty tight budget wise since I got all my credit cards paid off. So, I struggle with having things to talk about that didn't some how include XH (we were together for 6 1/2 years). One of my goals is to enjoy as much of the great city I live in as I can in 2012
This. I'm proud of you for doing the right thing.
Agreed!
Yup - ditto!
I know my counselor really liked him because he treated me great and was a step above the others I have dated. He is definitely the first guy I've been with in a really long time that hadn't run around on me. My family really liked him too which is why I think I was trying to force it to work.
My counselor was also worried about me breaking up with him and falling back in to my pattern of dating guys who abuse and cheat. Once I do break it off, I don't plan on dating until I get settled in to my house and get through a few more classes. I do have a new sense of what I'm looking for too because Z did treat me the way I needed to be treated in the beginning. I just need someone with a little more experience with how a relationship works.
For me it was the night you were sick and he wanted to have sex that night or the next morning or whatever. I remember this sitting really poorly with me and made me think that aside from being selfish he was being really immature. I don't want to pour salt on a wound but did want to mention that this really stuck out at me as a big no-no.
While a counselor can be great assistance in providng support for navigation in life, I am really glad you made the decision for yourself. Per your comment, It almost seems like the counselor was telling you want to do and how to feel and such when it should be coming from you.
I'm glad you realized that just because he was better than the others, doesn't mean that you have to settle. There will be someone who knows how to handle a relationship, who doesn't abuse and cheat and treats you well who your family likes. Good for you for realizing this wasn't good enough for you. Yay, I'm really proud of you
I completely agree and it may have come off as that. At the time I expressed these concerns I was still dealing with deep depression from the hormonal bc I was on. She wanted to make sure these feelings weren't contributed from that. She said to find a level of tolerance for him for now and if I still feel that way then to break up with him. Well I still feel the same way so I'm going to talk to her on tuesday. I've pretty much made up my mind but running it past her will give me the extra confidece.
Sounds like my ex-FI. Also sounds like you're making a good decision for yourself!
ETA - Sounds like it might be time for a new counselor too.
This too. Especially because I'm so against anyone advising you to ignore your gut. Those instincts are there for a reason. Even if Z had done NOTHING wrong but you just were not feeling it, that is OK. Always listen to your gut when it's trying to tell you something. That nagging feeling of uncertainty doesn't usually go away. I've had it too many times to count and every.single.time I try to justify it away it never turns out well.