Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I'm having a really rough day.
Last night, I told H that I filed papers and I wanted him to completely move out of the house. He exploded. I referenced the episode with our son, and he again called me overdramatic, said I was overreacting, etc. He told me I was ungrateful because he has been in counseling and trying to make himself better but I can't see the positives, only the negatives. He said I ruined his life and he wishes he never married me.
Now I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing. I'm second guessing myself and thinking about my past with him....wondering if this is the right thing to do.
Re: I'm having a really rough day.
Can you remind me, what happened with your son?
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
Of course he is saying you are overdramatic. He doesn't want to admit he went too far, that he isn't doing as well as he likes to think with his counseling and he hurt your son's face! So the only way to "erase" that is to make it look like you are overreacting. My ex used to do the same thing (mine never was about our ds, but the emotional manipulation he pulled on me).
Be strong and know that you are doing the right thing to protect you and your son before your stbx takes this one step further and someone really gets hurt.
You are doing the right thing. Don't second guess yourself.
This is why I said not to tell him you filed the papers and just let him get served. You don't need this extra drama and emotional gangbang when you're trying to set yourself up for a new life.
Dont play the second guessing game. Dont allow yourself to think in terms of revisionist history.
((hugs)) and ((kickinpants))
On Christmas Eve, he yelled at our son and grabbed his face really hard. So hard, that my son complained that his cheek was sore when I tried to kiss him.
Why does my son ask for H all the time and act like he enjoys being around him? H treats him very badly. I just don't get it.
I think it's pretty common for husbands to react in this manner. Especially if they have a history of being at all controlling, abusive, manipulative, etc.
Don't buy it.
Look up the cycle of abuse. Children often seek to be around parents who emotionally, verbally and even physically abuse them because they want to feel loved by them. I'm no psychologist, but it's probably because he craves the little bit of positive attention that he gets from his father and cherishes it.
Women who are abused do it too. Men often will beat or belittle us but we may still find ourselves seeking their approval and feel good when we get it. By knocking someone down with abuse, you set them up to seek your approval and love and enable the situation of abuse to continue.
http://www.domesticviolence.org/violence-wheel/
That's a tough one...probably because, even though your H treats him like that, in his eyes it's the only father he has ever known. Your son still loves your H, but if this keeps happening, and your H insists upon acting like it's no big deal, your son will begin to probably hate being around his father. Your H sounds like he needs to realize what he's putting you AND your son through. It's not healthy for either of you.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.