Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Help... Husband and Foreplay
I have suggested many different times about foreplay to my husband, I have even gave him different articles to read on foreplay and it NEVER happens. He thinks giving me oral is foreplay- I mean it is- but that is not all I want or need to get me in the mood. Most of the time he goes "straight for the kill" and it is bothering to me. He also wonders why I am not "wet" Well he hasn't done anything to get me "there" So I haven't been happy with my sex life with my husband lately and then I start to think back when I wasn't with my husband and about the good, fun, exciting sex that I use to have-but then I get more disappointed that I don't have that. Help!
Hell on Heels
Re: Help... Husband and Foreplay
grab his hands, tell him that you're in control of what he does, and show him by place his hands where you want them, telling him what you want done.
seriously, articles? why can't you just tell him exactly what you want?
That's your first problem, right there. What man wants to read Cosmo? What man (or woman) takes anything seriously in that ridiculous magazine?
If you can't just talk to him about what you need (yes, NEED) then try a real book. Most adult toy stores will have a selection of books about female anatomy or at least books on how to please a woman. But for the love of god, talk to him and stress how important it is that he not be such a selfish ass when it comes to your pleasure. A guy who's selfish and lazy in bed is not that great of a partner out of bed, either.
~ The Nestie formally known as MrsBrittany ~
First off, I think that your husband is being a bit of a jerk. But you aren't blameless, because you have let this situation continue.
When his little head is doing the thinking, his big head is not engaging. So even if he did have the good intentions to provide you with plenty of foreplay, his penis is doing the driving once the engine is going.
Stop giving him articles and give him clear information. Before your next sexual encounter, tell him that you want more foreplay. Tell him that you know what a great lover he is (cite specific examples of great sex between the two of you, like that time on vacation or last Valentine's day.) Tell him how much you love having sex with him and want have more, including all of that great foreplay he is capable of giving you.
Tell him EXACTLY what that is for you: kissing your neck, running fingers down your thighs, verbally telling you how hot you are -- whatever works for you. If you want oral sex to always be on the menu, tell him that explicitly. Talk about how _____ sends chills down your spine and _____ makes you so wet and hot for him. Again, be VERY specific and give examples of times when he has done it for you. Remember, NO ONE WANTS TO THINK THEY ARE A BAD LOVER, so by 1.) communicating what you want, 2.) pointing out how he has effectively done it in the past and 3.) reminding him of the hot sex that has resulted from his foreplay, you are creating incentive on his part to do it for you. Think of it as the Arthur Murray approach to sex talking: 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3...
Okay, let's say this doesn't exactly work. Next time you are in bed and he is heading directly for intercourse, roll away with a laugh. Tell him that he hasn't earned your p*ssy yet. Tell him that he is going to have to show you how much he wants to f*ck you. Or roll over with your back to him and say kiss/touch me here. Make it a playful game where both of you know the outcome. If you aren't ready yet, tell him "I am going to need a bit more warm up so I can f@ck you silly!"
Good luck.
Yes, I am probably part to blame, but you are right, I do need to speak up more, I just also don't want him to be embarrassed.
Thank you!
I think he will be more embarrassed by not giving you what you want in bed. Both of you win when you tell him what works for you!
I mean, tell him WHEN you're having sex.
giving him an article and going"let's do this sometime" is not going work, when he's in the heat of things he's going to revert back to what he's already comfortable with. say it when it's happening!
This. You need to remind him of it in the moment or it's obviously not going to get through to him. You're accepting the behavior if he doesn't turn you on and then you have sex anyway, KWIM?